Helping brand new (v young) nanny settle in

[MamaLaMoo]

Have just employed a young and very inexperienced nanny/parent help to do a small number of hours per week. She is really nervous and still settling in. Does anyone have tips/ideas about what I can do as her employer to help?

We are her first ever employers (beyond doing babysitting help for her aunty) and she has just left college with qualifications in childcare so we were aware that we would be guiding her to begin with. She is looking after my daughter (1yr 9mo) for two lots of 4 hours, the last hour of which she will be alone with DD before taking her to childminder for the afternoon when I work, the first few hours she is at home with me in the house. I have been leaving her with DD and busying myself with housework to let them get acquainted.

I want to encourage her to talk to DD lots as that is what we do with her, e.g.
"[DD] I got teddy"
"[me] you've got your teddy, what is he doing?"
"[DD] teddy sitting on chair"
"[me] would he like some tea? Here is a cup..."
but she is really quiet at the moment, I'm sure it is a question of watching and copying as I have had 21 months of being a parent to get used to the skills and she has not!

On the plus side she is attentive of DD, gets down at her level, makes eye contact, aware of safety issues, gentle with her, speaks kindly but is not really initiating any play or activities.

If you are an experienced nanny, can you think back to your first ever experiences with little kids and suggest things which would make it easier for her to settle in. Thank you so much!

Hi I am a nanny of twenty years I think as she is so young she feels very self conscience with you there even now I am more reserved when mum is around I bet she is different on her own its all down to confidence .

Perhaps you could get the toys out that she likes to play with just to guide her gently on the way.

One of the very first skills a new nanny has to learn is to leave her dignity at the door

Give her time to find her feet and settle in and she will soon be doing silly faces and songs, and making up crazy games and crafty activities! I do all the above now, even with the parents in the room. It's just about building up her confidence and ability to look (really) stupid in order to amuse/entetain/distract/etc the children. It's when she starts whistling "the wheels on the bus" when she's walking round the shops with her friends during her time off that she should start to worry.

Agree it's a confidence issue.
It's also very offputting to be watched by a parent especially when you're young as you know it is with a critical eye and you don't want to do anything wrong, which can often mean you do nothing. I'm still a (relatively) young nanny and still hate this settling in period.
Try asking her how (at college) they taught them how to plan and initiate activities with young children and ask her for examples. This can then lead to you suggesting that dd might like that, why don't you...
Your first job is when you realise that whatever childcare course you studied has done precious little to prepare you for the nuances of the job and nannying is barely covered at all.
Have you had a frank discussion about your expectations of her in regards to how you want dd to be looked after? It may be obvious to you that talking to and with dd is great for her linguistic and social development. Technically she should know that also but not all seem to grasp it.
You've noted some positive points so it does not sound hopeless. Good luck

I think you need to take a step back and let her get on with it

I settled my nanny in over a few days and then left her to it

She was a little "stiff" initially for want of a better word but on her own she gained confidence very quickly in her abilities and now, 3 months in she is great

Rather than watch over her, give her a daily list and instructions to call or text if she needs to

My nanny talks a lot to my baby and has taught her to wave and clap and say mama

agree its weird having a parent watch over you, and sometimes you do feel silly crawling round on floor barking like a dog playing chase/singing (im tone deaf) etc

but normally no one sees me apart from the child

I did a mother's help/nanny role while at university in the summer time and on holidays. I was very reserved when the mother and/or father were around and they were the most easygoing and relaxed people ever. I think being quite young had a lot to do with that - I was less confident and very shy. I was totally different when the mother was not there. Could you let her have some time on her own with your dc?

I agree it's very likely a confidence issue and she feels stupid/like you'll lose respect for her if she starts talking 'baby talk'.

Tavvy makes a very good point that throughout her childcare course she'll have been taught to plan, execute, evaluate and probably doesn't know how to freestyle it. She might feel more confident if you give her a target, like helping DD improve her pincer grip or her balance, teaching DD a song or the actions to a favourite song or getting her to encourage sorting skills by shape/colour etc - something that will let her focus on one thing and channel all her training/anxiety into that, which allows the interaction etc to come naturally.

Personally I went the other way round - I was a mother's help/nanny before I had any formal training - but even then there was a weird 'regression' after I did my course where I felt I was supposed to do all the things I'd learnt how to do, which were mostly intellectual, rather than respond more to the child and play so I can see why she might feel a bit at sea. It's one of the few hurdles nannies with qualifications have to cross that unqualified nannies don't.

Other nannies can be invaluable too. If you see someone else who isn't a parent doing it you feel it's more acceptable for you to do it too!

Also - the mother and I got on really well. And she would always act silly and sing and play...etc. I was still quite reserved until she was away.

she needs to be allowed to get on with it really. i've had several nannies and the worst one ever from mpov was the brand newly qualified one. But my dd remembers her very fondly indeed.

yyy step back

if she seems nice and kind and you have no worries about dd's welbeing and safety, let her get on with it

she might feel quite watched to begin with

and tbh one of the advantages of childcarers is that they do things differently; it might be her style to let dd initiate and go from there - she might guide her less than you do, which isn't necessarily a bad thing

if, however, later you think she's still too quiet, address the issue then

Thank you all for your words of wisdom. That you have all said the same thing is very reassuring, I am sure she feels self conscious with me being there and I am deliberately disappearing off into other rooms to let her and DD interact. DD is going through a clingy stage and does latch on to me if I am around which doesn't help.

I will keep myself busy and let them get on with it as you suggest. I have given her a breakdown of DD's morning routine and shown her where everything is so she is sorted. Maybe will try specific advise about how to play/talk etc in a while after she has had more time to relax into it.