If you decided against sending your toddler to nursery, what were your reasons?

[Gangle]

Trying to work out the best combination of childcare for my DSs, 2.5 and 5 months when I go back to work at Christmas. We had a nanny share for DS1 which we were thinking of using for DS2 whilst sending DS1 to nursery for 2 or 3 days a week (he would be with the same nanny for the rest of the week). However, we are currently out of the country and DS1 has been going to another nursery for a couple of mornings a week and it's taking him a while to settle in (it's been over a month and he still gets very upset when I leave him, possibly because he has only been going 2 mornings a week so the settling in takes longer, which has got me thinking whether a nursery is the best place for him. It would certainly be easier and slightly cheaper to just get a nanny for both boys but I would worry that DS2 would miss out on socialisation and other skills he may learn in a group environment. At the same time, he is quite sensitive and my gut instinct is for him to be in a home environment for as long as possible. If you decided against sending your toddler to nursery, what were you reasons?

I'm (hopefully) going to be starting a part time degree in October when DS will be just 2.

I have decided that I'd rather he go to a childminder than a nursery because he is quite sensitive, doesn't cope well with larger groups of unknown children, seems to be better in smaller groups and with different ages of children. I also liked the idea that it will be one person who he can develop an attachment to, rather than several members of staff and he gets a cuddle from whoever is nearest/not busy. I know that they have keyworkers at nursery, but I just feel he would be much happier in a childminder type setting. He goes to a creche currently for an hour one morning a week and it took him ages to settle in there (My sister, who he knows well, went in with him at first) but he now goes happily. It's a small creche with 2 staff members and usually 1 or 2, occasionally 3 other children.

I wouldn't really worry about socialisation at this age, the nanny could always take him to toddler groups etc. He has a brother, so he'll have to learn to share etc with him anyway.

I would follow your instinct, he is still little. Plenty of time for socialising later.

A big issue for me was the outdoors factor. I know some posters say that the Nursery has garden but to me is still not good the 10 minutes in the garden. I prefer children to spend more time outdoors, parks, playgrounds, playdates, shops etc and change their scenery. This is more important if you commute to and from Nursery by car.

I 'm one of those people who cant stay indoors in the same place for 10 hours so i wouldn't put small children in Nursery for long day.

But you are saying your ds only goes for 2 mornings so in this case i guess the fresh air is not issue.
Perhaps your ds doesn't settle because his younger brother stays home?

I didn't send my son to nursery for a variety of reasons:

• research shows that it is not the best environment for young children (demonstrable increase in aggression and problems with emotional development)

• I didn't feel confident in nursery staffing structures - so many unknown people and keyworkers leave/change rooms and child has to form a bond with the new staff member.
• I also felt that many of them were very uneducated and I wanted my son to be stimulated to learn in a way that wouldn't have been likely with the staff I met (This isn't important to everyone I know, and I do know that levels of education don't make people less able to care for children). For example 1 staffworker was reading to a group of toddlers - sat at front reading in monotone, not showing them pictures or anything - kids looking bored, picking at shoes etc.
• Also, I found 1 (more expensive) nursery that seemed fantastic, well set out etc. The manager showing me round had to leave to take a phone call, I was left in room with toddlers and 2 staff members... I asked them if they liked working there - they looked at each other and laughed! Nice!

I was also very aware of what 'good practice' is in Early Years Education (as a teacher) and I didn't find many examples of it in the nurseries I visited. :(

Lastly (as someone else mentioned) I didn't like the idea of him being (predominantly) in 1 room for 10-11 hours per day - even with a trip to the garden (if he was lucky) it still seemed a bit like prison! :( Lol, I know I was very emotive about it all and he'll have that experience when he goes to school, but at 1 it just seemed so sad!

However many of my friends' children have gone into nurseries and they do seem to survive just fine - so it just depends what you want for your children and what you are comfortable with for them.

What leeloo said, but without any personal experience as a teacher!
My DD will be one when I return to work and I decided against nursery as the days would be very long - longer than I was working!
I thought it would be exhausting and also worried that she would not get much 1-1 attention.
We've decided on the expensive option of a nanny for the simple reason that DD's only going to be young once and we can (just about) afford it. We're also hoping to do a nanny share, which makes the cost so much more affordable - very close to nursery fees in fact.

The child I nanny for who is four can still remember the noisy nursery she went too for two years.

After temping in nurseries i found the children all mixed up their dummies and cups , and they had a high ratio of young workers that had just qualified, and would spend most of the time chatting all day.

Not every child is the same and not all sleep at the same time of the day which is expected in nurseries.

The nursery just looked like a little school and I just thought, he's too young for that! The toilets and the corridor to them smelt of wee. There just seemed to be large groups of children in every room making an awful lot of noise and there was nowhere for peace and quiet. A tiny patch of grass outside. You couldn't move for laminated pictures flapping in your face and covering every surface. The staff didn't look overly happy. It was quite expensive.

The childminder settings we visited were all much calmer, cleaner and quieter, and the CMs seemed happier in their work. In one particular CMs house dp and me felt so at home we wished it was our own home, quite spacious, lovely garden, CMs children really lovely, so we chose that one. And it was cheaper than the nursery!

I am just about to send DD to preschool aged 3.5 after being with a CM since 9 mo. I think now is the right time as she is interested in playing with children her own age and can cope with the busier environment.

I don't think you should feel under any pressure to send him if you don't feel its right. My quiet, shy DD wasn't ready till she was over 3.

My reasons against nursery

1. I think it is so important for a young child to have a bond with one primary caregiver not be passed around a lot of inexperienced nursery workers. Keyworkers are often in name only.
2. Institutional environment where there are a lot of rules and routine that everyone has to follow doesn't recognise a child's individual needs
3. Babies and young toddlers are more interested in older children than their peers. I liked the family structure with the CM.
4. They get ill a lot more at nursery than in a home environment. Apparently its good for their immune system
5. They are safer with one carer. I would prefer any non verbal child to be with one carer who I have a good relationship with than to entrust them to an institution's staff vetting procedures

These are quite countercultural opinions IRL. All my friends children go to nursery from babies and no-one seems to consider other options. I am told DD is missing out on educational and social opportunities and it is implied she is not safe because 'you never know what goes on behind closed doors'. I beg to differ!

I've looked at nursery's between jobs and decided early on that I would hate to work in one! At one interview I was told that "they didn't want staff in the babyroom who were inclined to cuddle the babies as they needed to be independant." I've been to one where the children and staff were joyless and the whole place seemed depressive. A friends mother in law who worked in a nursery begged my friend not to put her child in a nursery,That says a lot

The children I look after have lots of interesting outings, mix with other children and go home to their own toys and nap in their own beds. A nanny or childminder provides a much more rounded day than children in a nursery can ever receive.Most PreSchools are great but most nurseries are babyfarms in my experience. I wont even comment about the Teddies nursery that Ive already written about on mumsnet