Settling in

[lunavix]

I've had two of my mindees (twins) now for over 3 months and I'm a bit worried they aren't settling in.

I had a meeting with my network supervisor a couple of days after they started (and she already knew them through a family member) and she said how settled they were was amazing, she'd never seen children that happy that quick.

But it's another story in the mornings and the evenings - one is very dependent on the mum and cries every single morning when she puts him down in my house, and glares at me. When she leaves, he's fine. And when she arrives in the evenings, he starts tantruming, then runs out the door!

The other twin used to be fine (although very excited when mum got here!) but since she was ill 4 weeks ago (just minor tummy bug) she howls and screams and tantrums every morning when her mum leaves. It takes her longer to settle, but she does eventually. Then when I put her to nap she howls again (they never used to) and then when her mum gets her she screams if she isn't immediately picked up, or else she too runs out the door!

I'm just a little worried. The bad parting in the morning obviously isn't helping the mum (I know I'd be crying every morning if they were mine!) but while they're here they're happy enough. We have lots of hugs and play lots. I'm a little stricter than the mum, who does let them get away with more than I do.

Any ideas?

How old are they?

just 2

Well I can't comment on why they've changed but one of my mindee's (2½) is always shy and moany when she arrives in the morning (think it's a bit much for her in the morning as she likes her sleep ), mum goes and we have a fun day, mum arrives to collect her and she starts having horrible screaming fits and kicks me etc etc (she would never be like that when her mum isn't there - she's lovely and wants me to cuddle her all day!).

My point is that children at this age are very clever and maybe they're playing up to make the mum feel bad about leaving them??? I know this mindee of mine certainly does it to wind her mum up. I hated it at first as she was my first mindee and I thought the parents would get rid of me as it looked like I was horrible - they laughed when I showed concern and said she's the happiest she's been at any childminder/nursery (as used them since 6 months old) and that she goes on about what fun we have (but she says all this at home).

Don't be too hard on yourself. Have you spoken to the mum?

We're due a review so I'm going to ask if they do it with anyone else ie grannys, friends etc as they do stay with other people.

It's just a little disheartening as we always have a lovely day but in the mornings you'd think they didn't want to come, and in the evenings they can't seem to get away fast enough.

My friends mindees cry when they have to leave!

Please don't worry about it but do speak to the mum to see what she thinks. I felt so much better when I spoke to mine and found out everything was fine - she's just going through a funny stage with her mum at the mo!!

Sending cheery thoughts!

I would reassure, reassure and reassure the mum as much as possible about the children being fine during the day. As we all know, children of all ages love playing up horrendously when parents arrive. I tell parents that I would be honest with them about their children and that if I felt they were unhappy during the day, then I would tell them.

With new parents nervous about leaving their small children, I will send a text message saying something like "hello mummy, having a brilliant time playing in the sand, love u, Child A" or similar (and have been known to send mobile phone photos as confirmation until someone told me they were expensive!) Parents are welcome to phone me if they want.