CMs'- when your head screams no no no

[iwilldothis]

As some of you know, I'm newly registered and haven't got any mindees yet.
I had a visit from a potential family this week and the behaviour of one of their pre-school children was TERRIBLE. He escaped out the front door, ran away from his parents, found my bunch of keys after I had put them away to prevent a 2nd escape, was rough with his younger sibling, disobedient to his parents, totally uninterested in any of the toys I provided him to play with and kicked up stones on the driveway. I remember reading previous advice on these forums was to go go with your gut instinct and if your head screams no no no no about a family, don't take them on or you'll regret it. Well this is precisely what happened here! THe parents seemed keen though and said they'd ring me back. I don't think I should take them on, even though it would be a start for me :( I'd be afraid of the safety of my own young DD and saftey of any other potential mindees if he carries on that way. BUT how & what do I tell the parents if they ring wanting to sign contracts? I can't and don't and won't do lies, so saying "sorry, the spaces aren't available any more" isn't an option (unless another interested family actually takes the places in the meantime). It would be rude to say "your son's behaviour was intolerable/ he is too rough." I'm very new to this so please help me out! Any of you had a similar situation before? What should I say?
Tia :(

dont do it

if the family dont work well with your own family you will only make yourself ill with worry. easier to say no now than a month down the line

thanks, dmo, you're right it would be hard to send them away after a month.... how do I tell her now though? What polite way can I word it?

I do find children tend to behave badly in front of their parents, I also had a little one visit who was awful, but when he came to me was lovely and is still with me during the holidays. As most contracts, just ensure you have no notice period, so if he turns out to be as bad as you feared you could give notice on the basis, that it isn't working with your personal situation.

If you are really sure about it (I fully understand if you are) say that due to personal circumstances you are unable to take him on, that you feel he may not fit in with your families needs.

Should read "own families needs"

its hard i normally just say sorry the place has now gone when they phone back

good tip (when parents phone) is to say (even if you have no mindees) that you may be able to fit their children in the best thing to do would be to come to the house with the child and collect the paperwork to read through

once there (even if the child is lovely) is to give the parent all the paperwork and have a chat to them and a play with the child then ask the parent to go away and read all the policys and phone back if they are intreasted.

this gives you the cm time to think about them and wonder if they will fit in with your family/other children you look after and if you can fir the child in on the days/hours the parents need

I know how you feel as it has happened to me, although not the childs behaviour- something else . I told myself i would not take them on, then I got a call on my answer phone saying they wanted me, like you I try hard not to lie about these things so had a vague explanation worked out and tried to call over the next few days but couldn?t catch them in, so in the end had to leave a message on their phone. I was pretty vague You could just say you do not have a suitable space (which is true) or you feel your setting isn?t the right one for this family- although both reasons are likely to upset the family and it is possible (with a bit of twisting of the facts on their part) that you could be open to an allegation of discrimination so unfortunately it may be better to lie and say for personal reasons the space is no longer available.
At the end of the day we have to be happy with who we take on, after all it is our business, home and families that bare the consequences if it doesn?t work out.

NO NO NO, don't take them on! This exact thing happened to me when I first started, a pair of siblings came and wrecked the place whilst their mum was speaking with me, then for the next 5 months I spent all my time trying to teach them some manners, respect and decency which was awful. In the end I cancelled the contract as my DP said that I was miserable, and I couldn't deny it. Don't do it, there will be plenty of other families that fit much better with you and your setting.

I would ask them to come over again. Explain that you thought their ds was gorgeous (add in a few..his speech was brilliants or he is very friendly or blah blah) but as he is bigger than your dd you wanted to see them spending some more time together to see if they are going to be a good mix before you made a decision.

My kids ALWAYS play me up but are delightful when Im not around!

As a cm I have taken kids when I wasn't sure. Some have been amazing, some an utter disaster........ Personally on the whole a child will behave with you how you teach them too (ther are exceptions to this rule!!) most kids can be shown and moulded to fit into your setting as long as you are confident and comfortable to do this.

Good luck cming :)