Childmembers Club: Do you find your kids resenting the mindees being there?

[ssd]

My ds1 is 6 and is really giving me a hard time about having the mindees here before and after school. Our house is really small so we're all sort of crammed in together. Ds1 has his own room but we all share the telly and he's sick of kiddies programmes and the house full of toys.

This is really really getting me down and I feel like packing it in altogether.

Anyone in similiar situation?

Both of my kids bedrooms are off limits to mindees and they both have their own tv's in them so that we can avoid this situation (although they very rarely watch them, I think they just like to know that they can if they want to), also any toys they do not want mindees to play with must be kept in their bedrooms and if they bring them down they must let mindees play with them too.
I think having this 'sanctuary' is important and I find that if they go up to their rooms on their own for few minutes when they get home from school they soon think they may be missing out on something and soon come down to join in, but only when they are ready to do so. So far this has worked for us, dd is 10 and ds is 5.

I've always been against the kids having a tv in their rooms but can't see a solution to this

Mine have a tv and dvd player in theirs but very rarely watch them. We as a family only have the tv on when there is something we want to particularly watch and never as background noise so they don't just watch it for the sake of it IYKWIM. Personally I do not see any harm in watching 1/2 hours tv and chilling out when they get home from school, its only a problem when they constantly watch it and don't want to do anything else, so if there are rules from the start there should not be a problem (rules may need to be slightly flexible say if it's a rainy day and can't go outside maybe extend watching time slightly occasionally).

ssd - just seen your other thread, are things that bad you really are considering giving being a childminder?

ssd - do you have a TV in your bedroom? COUld ds use this when mindees are around?

We've got one we rarely use and ds2 could use it, I just don't feel comfortable with the thought my son can't sit in the living room after school and chill out.I don't want him up in our room alone feeling excluded. I don't want one in his room as I feel I wouldn't trust him not to turn it on at night and see God knows what, I maybe wrong I don't know.

Trouble is the size of our house, maybe it's too small for childminding, I've got nowhere to give my 2 any privacy and the mindees are always in our living room as that's all I have.

My kids don't feel excluded cos they go into their bedrooms, they choose to go sometimes for a little 'me' time after being in a classroom full of kids all day they like a little space on their own and usually after about 1/2 an hour maximum they come down and join in. However our dining room does have a sofa in where they can sit and read or sit at the table to do art etc whilst the little ones do tend to be in the living room mostly.

Must just add my kids do not go up to their rooms everyday when they get home, just when they feel they need to.

My two didn't resent me having another child/children around when I began childminding but I must add they are 21 and 19! However, I did discuss with them the fact that I wanted to turn the living room into a playroom and not so long after I had completed this, I caught both the boys and their friends having a good look at the toys and 'playing' with them once! As it turns out when my eldest gets in from work he will always check to see if mindee still here and have a little play - she adores him.

you might not want to hear this, but my mum minded two kids about my age and i hated them. if i hadnt been able to chill out on my own in my room we would have had huge problems. however i think that was more to do with a personality clash than anything else. if he doesnt like the current mindees could you try to find some more his 'type'? def think you should let him have the tv in his room, even if you put a limit on how long he can watch for.

don't know what to do. He's not getting a tv in his room, that's something I feel really strongly about. Just wondering if I should continue childminding, I feel it's his house and that comes first for me. Maybe I'll look elsewhere just now and go back to minding when he's older? Don't know what to do for the best.........

Tan1959 - are we the same person? My children are same age as yours ...

Upstairs (although registered) is out-of-bounds to mindees. When my children were much younger and happy to play with minded schoolchildren, they were allowed to invite them upstairs to play if they wanted to. My children weren't allowed TVs until they were about 14 (I was a really mean mummy), but could watch it in my/dh's room.

We have recently converted our garage into an extra sitting room - it has a TV, video, DVD, music system, settees etc. (except all much newer than anything else in house!) It is for sole use by family members, so my children have somewhere to "chill" or have friends round.

If they want to be with the children, then they can (they babysit for half of them anyway!), but it also gives them a retreat.

(Have to say that it doesn't stop them moaning about the rest of the house looking like the head office of Toys'R'Us)

ThePrisoner

I think we might just be the same person! I too did not allow tv's into their rooms until they were around 14 maybe even early 15 nor did I allow them to play with guns etc oh god that brings back a distant memory of the dreaded Turtles epidemic? Do you remember that? I tried so hard to steer the boys away from watching the Turtles on tv (mind you, that could be because my youngest was medically Hyper and had ADD - and a calm environment was a real necessity unless I wanted to see him try and climb the walls!) and never bought a turtle or one of their weapons but did (under great pressure I must add) sucuumb to buying the whole set of Turtles coins. My kids think that I deprived them enormously because of this!

Your converted garage sounds a lovely place to chill just for family and friends, it is really important that there is somewhere to go to chill out - I know that kids can feel a little overwhelmed when every corner of the house or loo is crammed full of childrens toys or potties! or even seem like Head Office of Toys R Us!

My two have a tv, dvd, and stereo in both their rooms and comfy small settee in one and the other has big reclining leather chair, plus a computer - if we are not eating together in the kitchen (eldest works funny hours) then we will normally all congregate in eldests room to catch up on news or watch his tv - its better and bigger than the one I have downstairs!.