CMers would you continue care if........

[KatyKatyKaty]

Hi all, am new to using this but I had a quick question for other childminders. I look after an under 2 who has a mystery illness where she stops breathing, passes out and fits. I have dealt with this many times before, I have looked after her for nearly her whole life and have had to call for an ambulance a handful of times, but today was particularly bad. I honestly wasn't sure she'd come round, the ambulance and mum arrived together. She is ok but I was in pieces (not while dealing with it but the shock after) my young son was upset and I just don't know if it's ok for me to just ask her not to come back. They have given me notice to finish in 6 weeks anyway due to mum leaving work so is it really out of order for me to just stop now or should i wait the 6 weeks?

If it is frightening your child you should stop.

She sounds like she NEEDS to be at home with one of her parents, or needs to be with specialist childcarers. You can't meet her needs without detriment to your son, and the fact that you are even considering this shows how badly frightened you were.

It is bad form to just finish someone without notice and through no fault of theirs but sometimes you must put your family first,.

Personally I'd carry on for six weeks. But I do have a (bad) habit of putting mindees before myself. What are the odds of her having another attack in this time? Will she be back with you tomorrow or do you get a couple of days respite while she recuperates with mum? Is mum leaving work of her own accord? If she's been made redundant then she'll already be under a lot of stress. Do you have a contract with 4 weeks notice? Given how long youve cared for her I don't think this is a situation where you can terminate without notice. However, your son is your priority and if her condition is causing him trauma perhaps you could sit down with mum and negotiate an earlier finish. Ultimatly it's a situation that is unique to you and your decision has to be what is best. I do think that perhaps you are still in shock yourself (i know i would be) and you might feel differently in a couple of days.

Thanks guys, maybe I do need more time to think about it, I think the problem is that they always bring her straight to me when she gets out of hospital so I know they will just show up tomorrow AM even though they haven't called me or anything. I do have a contract with 4 weeks notice but was wondering if this counted really as its an extreme medical condition I am just not happy to handle anymore? Mum works for Dad and is leaving as expecting number 2. Maybe I should just ask not to have her tomorrow (I then have a long weekend booked anyway) and see how I feel when I'm back? Personally I do think that after having gone through something like this she should have at least one day with mum but that wont happen as it would mean they still pay me. I have had alot of people say to me that im getting paid a childminders wage not a specialist nurses! My little one is 2 so he doesn't fully understand just gets upset and says that XXX is poorly and is upset when mummy is.

i can understand how scary and upsetting this must be for you and your child but i would {try}see the contract through - i imagine you have built up a relationship with the childs Mum - can you talk to her about how you are feeling?

I'm sure mum would understand if you didn't want to continue, perhaps she could finish work earlier, after all this is her child's life you are talking about and your child is also being affected.
If they do turn up in the morning I would ask for a letter from the child's consultant to say that it is safe for you to continue to care for her without any nursing skills, I would also say that you would like to check with your insurance company that you are covered for caring for her.

I would talk to Mum. If she works for Dad, then it may well be that she can finish earlier than 6 weeks. I worry enough about the children in my care with allergies and asthma, so it must be really hard for you. Your own child is now getting to an age where he is starting to understand, but doesn't really understand, so you do have to think about his care too.

It it really a "mystery illness?" or do you just not know much about her condition? I can see why it upset you so I think you need to talk to her mum.

If you have looked after her for such a long time will 6 weeks really make much difference? Might be possible for mum to finish work earlier than planned, but it could make things terribly difficult for her - imagine the hassle of finding another CM so quickly for just those 6 wks.

Also - as a parent I think if my child suffered with a condition like this I'd find it ever so hard to leave her with a CM / anyone, so the mum must trust you and I bet it'd be very hard for her to finds someone she trusts so quickly. It must have frightened your son but as she has only done this a handful of times, I guess the chances of it happening again in 6 wks are very slim.

poor you I would talk to parents and explain your situation

I echo what starbuck says.

Have a chat with Mum, explain that as your child is getting older he is starting to take notice of what is happening and that he is finding it frightening. Fingers crossed Mum can finish work sooner. But, if she can't it would be v difficult for her to find someone (and to have the trust in them) to take on her dd and her condition for 6 weeks.

Hi, thanks for the replies, tried to talk to mum, I emailed her to explain my situation and ask her to come in the next morning for a chat about it rather than to drop the little one off as it was too late to call her. The next morning they just didn't turn up, I txt and txt and eventually got a reply saying that mum didnt want to talk to me as the stress has led her to a break down and that i'm giving her more stress in her pregnancy. I replied that im so sorry and didnt mean to do that at all but that i'm scared. To answer questions it is a mystery illness in a way, she has a hole which lets fluid into her lungs and it can happen at anytime, but I have always been able to bring her around, until the last time when i couldn't, before i always felt in control of her 'episodes' now i don't it petrifies me, the thought of having her one more day brings me to tears as it scares me so much, yet i love this little girl, i look after her 5 days a week, 11 hours a day. I'm in overdraft now as I haven't been paid the days I am owed (this was my first mindee so I hadn't yet started payments in advance which mum later refused to do) and mum wont talk to me so I just don't know what to do. To top it all off my son keeps asking about the little one as he loves her too!

I think you need to clarify all this in writing with the parents - that you have tried to contact them via email to discuss the care of the child and this was their response xyz.
I would also take advice from NCMA/MM whomever you are with - as you have done the right thing in approaching the parent and they are now trying to wriggle out of paying you and turning it back on you by saying YOU are causing them additional stress.

Regardless - you need and should be paid for the work you have done.

Sorry if I sound harsh but you are a business person as well as a minder, you are trying to provide for your family and its wrong of them not to pay you.