Mannies

[MsToni]

Good Evening :)

I have a bit of a dilemma and I would appreciate honest thoughts on this please.

I'm a single mum to a 14 month old boy (my heart :) ). I am considering employing a Manny part time on a permanent basis to give my little man male companionship / influence. My little man sees his dad for a few hours, once or twice a month (he loves him to death but complicated family circumstances are in the way) and not as often as I would want him to. My dad and brother-in-law are male figures he sees occasionally but I would like him to form a close relationship with a stable male figure - hence the Manny option.

I know the Manny cannot take the position of a father but I want my son to have a steady male influence, sort of older brother relationship.

Does this make sense?

Am I making the right decision?

I'd really appreciate your candid thoughts and comments, please.

Many Thanks.

Toni

The "Dads" programme I saw on BBC suggested that some research showed that Dads play with children slightly differently to Mums and may help child's development with more physical play and by apparently, by using longer words to develop their vocabulary! (www.civitas.org.uk/hwu/fathers.php and www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1201484/Fathers-DO-matter-Scientists-claim-play-crucial-role-childs-development.html). It doesn't say anything about a man who is not the child's Father having the same effect, but I think it's good for children to see both men and women in roles that might more traditionally have been seen as solely "male" or "female" roles, so they don't pick up the silly idea that only men or women can/should take certain roles or do certain jobs.

I've had male au pairs for two years now and think they are fabulous - it is all about fun for them, with a caring hand, and both DS and DD love having a big brother.

As a Manny myself I would say that it will give your son some male influence. It will show him that not all men are the same - not all men like football (like not all women like netball).

However you may find that your manny likes many of the things your son does - such as trains, cars, any form of transport / machine really ... so your manny won't tire of taking your son on bus trips, train trips. Though everyone is of course an individual so will have their own likes and dislikes.

Am I making the right decision?

I would not suggest that you decide you must have a Manny, as finding one may prove hard. You say you are considering employing a manny... does that mean you have found someone?

Keep your mind open and see who applies for the job and see how they interact with your son plus how they get on with you.

The ideal person may well be male... but they could be female. So if you have a male applicant, interview them - see how they are with you and your son. Then take things from there.

Many thanks for the responses.

My LO does have a female nanny (whom he adores) for 12 hours a week, and he's in nursery 1 full day and 2 half days a week + playgroups, gymboree and swimming - he has quite a few outlet of meeting and playing with boys.

In terms of care-giving though, he is surrounded by women women women :) he seems to love it and I want him to be 'cared' for by a male figure.

I suppose what I want is a male carer, playing 'rough', 'tumble' squealing etc.
Kind of what you have for your kids, StillSquiffy.

@ Nick, you get my point - the decision really is whether its sensible to have a Manny to expose my LO to 'male influences, quirks and traits'. He doesn't see enough of his dad, uncle or granddad to pick up male traits.....does that make sense?
No, I don't / haven't found one yet - just in the process of inquiring and I am hoping to have some options soon.

Many thanks for the responses...

Good luck with finding someone. There are very few men working in childcare and those who do I suspect may be wanting a fulltime job - not sure that is what you are offering if you already have a nanny and use a nursery.

If in London, there is an agency which claims to specialise in finding Mannies - My Big Buddy. No experience of using them though, as I'm not London based.

My DH used to volunteer as a carer for disabled children when he was younger. They loved loved loved him, because he would throw them in the air and tumble with them, which the girl volunteers didn't want to (they mostly wanted to read books and play board games) and anyway didn't have the physical strength to. So I think there is definitely a case for a male carer, although of course what Nick says about individuals is right. Good luck!

@ Nick - I'm using MBB, awaiting candidates presently...and what's on offer is 1 day on a permanent basis.........

@ Mickytoo - It's the throw up, tumble, throw ball, play rugby "mate' I want for my LO........ :)

Cheers though.......

PS

I got a Manny for my little boy and its working out perfectly.

He and my little man hit it off and have bonded really well.

They have a pretty fixed routine. Start the day with breakfast - prepare it together; have a messy bath; go for long walks on the heath or nearby parks - chasing birds, dogs, leaves, feed ducks etc; come back home for some "play work'' - reading, drawing, painting, play music instruments etc; nap; make lunch; more downtime - usually rough play, pretend wrestling, football etc; go swimming; come back home; make supper; bath time and off to bed, bed time stories lullaby - I come in to kiss him goodnight and the Manny heads home.

They are really good together and I am happy my little man has a balanced male-female care.

xxxx

glad you found a manny and all working out well :)