Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

CM Club - anyone split up whilst childminding, could do with some support......

21 replies

looneytune · 10/08/2010 13:46

Will make this a quick one whilst kiddies napping.......my husband and I have just split up and my 7 yr old ds is in shock and very upset by it all. I'm just carrying on as normal as I can whilst I'm working but how on earth do you adjust? It was MY decision and will be best in the long run but i could really have done with this happening at the weekend!!

Don't know what I'm after really, suppose will just need people to talk to.

Any words of wisdom would be great.

TIA

OP posts:
thebody · 10/08/2010 13:58

Am so sorry to hear this and feel for you.

I guess you must have felt this was the best course of action to take, and you must have your reasons for this so hang onto those whatever they are..

I would say, take one day at a time, try your best to keep it as civilised as possible for your ds sake, (he will be fine eventually kids are very adaptable).

Its great to lean on friends and family at times like these but its also really good to be able to sound off anonymously here and get virtual hugs.. sent you one.. so keep posting love xx

Original poster
looneytune · 10/08/2010 14:07

Thanks so much, I can't 'talk' to anyone about it until the boys have gone to bed but I suppose I needed to let it out. We DID do it civilised thank god, we all hugged each other, including me and H. H knows that I had no choice but to call it a day, there's a long history and the Dr told me a week ago that i'll end up in hospital if I carry on like I have. After a week of things being better, he erupted again last night and my illness got worse (vision problems due to stress and exhaustion) and i decided that enough was enough and that i'd done everything i possibly could to help H sort himself out but it's just not going to happen.

It's a real shame as i still love him but i just can't live like this anymore (i've been saying this for years, moreso over the last year and last nice was the last straw)

Thanks for letting me vent :) x

OP posts:
thebody · 10/08/2010 14:15

sounds like you have to do this for your own sanity and actually for his as well.. he sounds like he has issues to deal with that, how ever much you want to, you cant solve for him..

you are a very brave lady, hang on to that.. and the fact that you are definately putting the kids first in this situation..

keep in touch and let us all know how you are doing...x

PueriSimilisCanis · 10/08/2010 16:21

looney Sad

very early days yet; the best thing that you can do is to keep the children in their routine so that they retain a sense of security

there are benefits to be claimed, all this can be researched when you feel ready

x x x

HSMM · 10/08/2010 18:55

I agree with the routine for the children ... also the routine for yourself. This will help you all keep some normality during this difficult time. Take ALL offers of help and support. You have put yourself and your children first and you need to carry on doing this.

I feel so sorry for you, but I know you can get through this. You are a strong person.

crace · 10/08/2010 18:58

Hi LT, I am so so sorry to hear you are going through this. Again, do what you need to for the children. I realise this might be difficult as he's your assistant?

Unfortunately mumsanutter is dealing with something similar so you may want to CAT her?

We're here if we can help, I know you've struggled with this. I am so sorry.

atworknotworking · 10/08/2010 22:17

Sad sending you best wishes Looney xx

Original poster
looneytune · 11/08/2010 00:17

Thanks everyone and sorry I haven't been back to reply but it's been none stop since I finished work and my friend has just left. I'm sooooo tired but promise to come back and reply when I'm all fresh again.

p.s. hello crace - he's not been my assistant since april (long story)

x x x

OP posts:
mumsanutter · 11/08/2010 08:33

Hello Looney,

As Crace said I am going through something similar - dh has decided to leave the boys and me but didn't tell me until he had flown out to Tokyo!!

I really don't know what to say, but I am trying to stick to the routine as much as possible, and treat mine when I can. At the moment my 2 little ones (5 and 3) just think dads away on business (fairly normal here), but my 13 year old knows and I am dreading telling our 10 year old when he comes home from holiday.

All I can say is that I know that you are a strong women and you will get through this, and you can email me if you want but honestly I am just surviving ( one hell of a way to diet I've lost 0.5 stone in a week and a half!!). I am trying to keep things normal for the boys and tell the oldest that dad still loves him, he just can't live with me!!

Here if you need a shoulder, Mums

PS for anyone who knows me on FB please do not comment on there!!

crace · 11/08/2010 09:08

That certainly helps things, LT xx

crace · 11/08/2010 09:10

Mums I am so sorry your are dealing with this. 13yo are quite tricky at best of times. I really feel for you, hope you are doing ok

minderjinx · 11/08/2010 16:26

Mums, I'm outraged on your behalf. My friend's hubby did exactly the same to her about ten years ago, so yours is cruel, cowardly, and not even original! Lots of sympathy to you and Looney.

dmo · 11/08/2010 19:54

Sad been crying since i read this yesterday why is life so rubbish

Original poster
looneytune · 12/08/2010 00:26

Me again, i've just managed to pop on to post a message but am so tired I don't think I can read the posts tonight. Sorry, I know I said that earlier but today was our wedding anniversary and I just kept busy then ended up on the phone to my SIL for 2 hours and I just can't believe where the time has gone. I WILL come back to this and read your messages, I didn't expect so much to be going on when I started the thread otherwise I'd have left it til I was able to come back! lol. Thanks again x

OP posts:
thebody · 12/08/2010 16:22

looney hugs and mums, what a b.....d, sorry but he is... hugs to you too x

Original poster
looneytune · 16/08/2010 09:57

Hi everyone, sorry I haven't been back but I no longer feel comfortable moaning on here as it was ME who broke up with H and as poor mumsanutter is going through so much with the shock of hers going and stuff, it just doesn't feel right so I think it's fair if I leave this support thread for poor mumsanutter instead.

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this hun, was it a big shock or did you know something wasn't right? I just don't get why on earth someone would just do that without saying :( Big {{{hugs}}}

OP posts:
mumsanutter · 18/08/2010 15:52

Looney,

I never posted on your thread to force you off of it. We can still support each other, as ultimately we will both be 'single' and childminding!!

It came as a complete shock, and i felt like my heart had been ripped out, but 2.5 weeks later I am feeling stronger and when looking back things haven't been right for a while but I was too blinkered to see it. I have rearranged and decorated the house, and am trying to enjoy my time with the boys - its the evenings that get me!!!

Please feel that you can post if you need to - I would never stop anyone from moaning etc (we all need to do that).

Sorry again, mums xx

Original poster
looneytune · 19/08/2010 08:13

Oh god, please don't apologise, I didn't mean it that way. My situation is quite complicated and I don't want to go into TOO much detail as several people on here know me in RL. Lets just say that dh has needed 'help' (I blame his awful childhood) for years and years but refused anything, even when I said we'd be over. In the end he got worse and worse and I had no choice but to split from him for the kids sake. Having said this, he's NOT a horrible person, he really isn't. Luckily for me the shock of leaving the family home combined with actually having to talk to people about it all (which he hid) has given him the kick up the arse and on Friday he went to the Drs and got pills and counsiling sorted and I have notice a real change in him and decided to give it another go. I'm just nervous in case this wasn't the right decision but so far so good. We're a long way off fixing everything but I can live like this if the horrible stuff stops (which it has so far).

I'm so so sorry you are having to go through all this but pleased to hear you're feeling stronger. I too had planned a decorating session to change the downstairs but never got to that. I know what you mean about evenings and I didn't have to deal with that too long (although one night I was having a ciggy and a beer in the garage - note, don't usually smoke but sometimes do with a beer if stressed - and a police helicopter was very very low and circling our road for at least half and hour and this was after midnight. I was so paranoid and eventually ran in the house as though some baddy was going to get me outside then I felt stupid when I got in but I'd been worried about my kids. Well I found out what it was the next day and it was the local petrol station VERY VERY close to me had been robbed with men wearing masks from the scream movie and they had guns - they'd run off and they were searching for them hidden in gardens etc!!!! Bloody glad I didn't know that til the next day!!)

Anyway, please use this thread for support as we're all here if you need us! Stay strong hun x x x

OP posts:
mumsanutter · 19/08/2010 16:49

Ohhhhh, I have just booked flights to go to Hong Kong to talk to h. Have had an eye opening talk over the phone today, and we need time to talk without interuptions so I am flying out mid september.........

Original poster
looneytune · 20/08/2010 08:19

Is that a good eye opening? I hope so, I hope you can sort things out, shout if you need us xxx

OP posts:
mumsanutter · 20/08/2010 20:57

Well this MUG has had enough - I will not be flying to Hong Kong or anywhere else and it is over....... I know that you are here if I need you, but feeling very raw at the moment and am going to disappear to sort things out in my head and with the legal side. It is over and I can't fix something that he has no intention of working on....

Sorry for the rant - very raw and emotional right now Sad

New posts on this thread. Refresh page