Fellow childminders, come and cheer me up

[Saltire]

But bear in mind I've not done this for 3 years
I have got 2 brothers - 1 age - 2years and 8 months, the other almost a year. i did post on here the problems with the little one and his sleeping

I am however struggling big time. The older child just whinges all the time.And, I'm being honest, I am finding it quite draining. DH won't come home for lunch becasue he says he comes home for an hour to get away froms stress, and he's not getting it.
For example we (mindee and I)had the folowwing conversation
Him "we got to park?" said in very whingy manner
ME "yes we are on our way there now"
"we got to park"
"Yes we're going to the park"
"we go to park"
"yes x we are going there now"
"we go to park?"
"yes, we are nearly there ,look at the chickens"
"we go to park"
"yes, I've said we are going there now, ooh look a nice cow in the field"
"we go to park"
"yes, you can ahve a go on the big red slide"
"we go to park"

I counted his say the same thing, in the same whingy tone 14 times before changing his question to "can I have crisps"

now, I know I'll get flamed, all the aprents will come on and say "well why are you childminding then etc etc"
BUT, I just want some techniques, distracting ones, to try and stop the whinging

The second problem we have is that if my 2 DSes (12 and 10) are sitting on the sofa, he clambers all over them and hits them. If DS2 for example takes the child's hand to say"no" the child will hit them harder. No amount of me saying no or doing time out works. My 2 should be able to sit down int ehir own house, but even they are like "oh god here he comes let's go upstairs"

Do I cut my losses and give notice or can anyone suggest distraction techniques that work

I would ignore the repeating himself if you want him to stop OR accept that this is him practising language and get on with it. That is your job after all. DS does this and it drives me mad so I know where you are coming from.

If he whinges say "I cannot understand you when you whinge, can you use your lovely voice to talk to me instead?" After that, ignore all whinging.

Sometimes when DS whinges, I whinge back, in a really OTT silly way and he cracks up laughing and stops because he realises how silly he sounds.

We have a list of rules ( a very short, simple list) such as 'we do not hit'. If a child breaks the rule, they go to time out - with abosolutly no attention.

It's perseverance that will work. He is just acting his age.

Keep him busy. REALLY BUSY!

We do busy, non stop busy but he moans all the way through too.
I just feel that maybe I've been away too long? I feel he (mindee 1) is a very full on demanding child, and i wonder if I'm really cut out now to do childminding?

Yesterday we did
breakfast
took dog a 25 mintue walk.
Went to aprk in village for an hour follwoed by a 20 mintue walk
painting -
gluing and sticking
lunch - which he won't sit at children's table to eat, he screams if I try to make him, he wants to sit at big table but if I try to cover him with an apron or cover the chair or floor he kicks off and makes himself sick
then another walk with dog
then hanging out washing
then played in garden for 30 mintues
Then I had my hour of rocking his brother to sleep so he sat on sofa wathcing cars
Then he fell asleep for 15 mintues
then park
then did duplo and cars
then did more colouring then tried to amke tea for him and his brother
then more time in garden

The entire time we did each of these activities he whinged.
"I wwwwwaaaaannntttt aaa dddddrrriiinnkkk"
"IIII dddddoooonnn''''tttt wwwaaannnnttt ttoooo ddddoooo tthhhhat"

sometimes you just have to ignore any unwanted behaviour. when he first says, for example, 'we go to park' you reply in a positive and light tone with some thing like, ' yes we are going to the park, oh look chickens, do you like chickens'. if he repeats it just ignore it. he will then either keep repeating it until he works himself up and then you can get down to his level, look him in the eyes and tell him that his behaviour is not acceptable, ask him what he is trying to tell you . If he repeats again then you follow the steps above. eventually he will change tack and say something else when he realises that he is not going to get anything more from you when he repeats himself. basically ignore when he repeats himself and talk to him normally and nicely when he talks how you want him to.

the same with the hitting and jumping, warn him that if his behaviour continues he will go to the naughty / reflection step or corner. when he does it again just take him off the sofa,put him on the naughty / reflection step or corner. look in his eyes, tell his beheviour is not acceptable.

the key to these techniques are not to get worked up or upset and be consistent. warn, action and repeat. it may take some time and some perseverance but everyone will be happier in the end.

good luck

oh god you have my sympathy..

I am a cm and agree with everything littlepurpleprincess says completely... I ignore repeated questions if i have given the answer twice.. I dont answer any whinges or whines anyway, what ever age the child is..

can you talk to Mum and see if hes like this at home? some kids just do whinge a lot unfortunatly and it can drive you mad..

is he tired? what time does he go to bed at night? I had one mindee aged 2 who went at 11pm so of course he was knackered at mine every day and couldnt cope with any activities, just wanted to watch t.v...

you know what though, just tell yourself that you could give notice, you arnt stuck with these children and often that seems to take the heat out of your feelings and somehow you cope... of course though you always CAN give notice if you just arnt happy and it isnt working out...

yy tis v draining

I have a jolly hockey sticks voice that I use, kind of like channelling Joyce Grenfell when using the broken record technique

It's a developmental thing, and will pass

wrt the climbing/hurting, this is where you have to hover and be ready to POUNCE and move him away; again it's a stage

wrt to eating - let him sit at the big table with no covers or whatever, he can practice being a Big Boy

wrt I waaaaaaaannnnnnt a driiiiiiiiiink, point him to his drink, remind him where it is and encourage him to help himself

if he doesn't want to do an activity then that's fine, too; have you identified an activity that he DOES like, offer that as well

It is tricky sometimes; I gave notice last year to a child who frankly did my children's heads in

agree with that last comment.. frankly some children dont jell with you or your family and reluctantly you have to give notice.. its not a failure on your part or bad on theirs.. just life..

I fully appreciate the frustration. I had a mindee tell me about 20 times on a short walk back from the park yesterday that i'mmmmmmm tiredddddd, after reassuring her we were going home and she could rest, I ignored her and chatted away to the others.

I do feel as someone has already pointed out tiredness plays soooo much into all types of behaviour. One mindee's mum told me when he reached 2 that he no longer needed a daytime sleep because he wouldn't settle at night. Since then we have frequent behaviour issues mainly in the late afternoon when he gets tired, I try to get him to lie down on the sofa for some "Quiet time" which helps, because he is such a wonderful little boy otherwise.

We have also had the local school ask us all to ensure that children get a good nights sleep as it affects behaviour and learning in school.

yes totally agree with that, I oftern feel tiredness is the key to most whinges, whines and tantrums.. imo kids need 12 hours sleep every night, if possible, and a good long nap in the day if 3 and under.

I have a parent now who wants to cut out the day sleep for a 2 year old as has problenms settling at night.. its not a sleep issue its a discipline issue.. child pushes the buttons and turns bed time into a battle of wills...

some parents dont seem to understand that a child needs sleep like they need food.. its essential to growth and development..

think many children just stay up on sofas till fall asleep and then are carried up. so dont learn how to fall asleep properly,,. less trouble for parents...