Help - Had a 6 year old for 1 day and can't cope!

[SKYTVADDICT]

I want to write this as sensitively as possible - I took on a 6 year old boy who is on the spectrum for autism and adhd, I have no immediate experience of this other than through a friend's daughter who I have looked after ok.

I am a fairly new CM, did a short term contract as it is only for holiday care, he started today.

Well, to say he was challenging is an understatement. My own two los (3 and 2 years old) didn't get a look in, he was aggresive with them sometimes and shouted A LOT. I have him again tomorrow but also have an 11 month old baby.

I have told the 6 year olds mum when she picked him up that I am not sure I am the right CM for him as I don't think the other los in my care will be getting enough attention as her DS is claiming it all. I also had a yr6 boy today who said after the 6 year old had left " phew, quiet at last" - and that is saying something when we still have a 3 and 2 year old here!

I am feeling a little guilty I suppose and have said he can come tomorrow and I will see how it goes with the baby here as well. At least his mum knows I may not have him again after that!

Just wanted to get a few opinions - have I done the right thing?

I think you need to do what you feel comfortable with. If he is on the spectrum, have you asked if he is statemented, if so, he may be eligible for one to one care? If not, I would steer clear, this is demanding territory and he will need lots of support, particularly as he adapts to a new situation, if this is not for you then you shouldn't blame yourself, you tried and it was too much.

on the other hand I would give the mum some time to make other arrangements - does a week sound fair?

All the best

I think you're being fair. But if you decide you can't handle him, make sure you clearly emphasise to the mum that it is you who don't have the skills to cope with his behaviour and that you believe it would be better for the child if he were cared for by someone more experienced with autistic issues. Otherwise, if you imply it's the boy's fault, you could be accused of discrimination.

how long is the contract for ?

You could ring your EY team for advice on caring for children on the autistic spectrum

ask the parents for guidance too

Thanks for the replies.

I had thought that day 1 would be more stressful for him. He seems to have been fine and enjoyed himself but I suppose you can never tell.

Will definitely see how it goes tomorrow and probably next week as she won't be able to find anyone probably at such short notice anway.

The contract I believe is for 28 days.

Have you got a settling period?

I sometimes speak to a childminder who looks after a boy with autism. She has been childminding for years. She has faced challenges.

You have to know if this is what you want to do. See how it goes tomorrow then make up your mind.

I know that sometimes children with autism dont really like changes. It may take a while for him to settle in.

If you think it is too much do not be afraid to let the parents know that you are unable to do it.

You do not want to be childminding and be stressed out because of the demands.

SKYTVADDICT, hope you don not mind me asking how did it go today?

Loads better thanks.

He was a lot more settled (except the last 20 mins!).

I am going to keep him on and gen up on a few coping tactics.

Glad it went fairly well. Do childminder get support with caring for austic children?

remember that just because he has Autism and ADHD doesn't mean he is exempt from family rules.

you may need a time out area (one of the bedrooms?) - not for punishment, but for genuine time out.

his first day will have been full on social and sensory overload for him.

A quiet room where nobody else is, where nobody else is talking or moving around, might be an ideal retreat.

Or, maybe, the garden, regardless of weather, where he can swing and jump and shout and shake things?

I have a 7 year old with the same diagnosis and God knows I don't cope very well sometimes, so here are some of my strategies for you.

1 - 2 - 3 - Magic! really is magic. Count out the undesirable behaviors (shouting, screaming, squeaking, shaking things, kicking, stamping)

Time out is golden and can completely swing his mood.

Long walks - again, if in a big empty field, are fantastic. All that space and not too much going on to stress him out! take a football and the other kids would love it too. Give him clear, VERY clear boundries about where he can go and explain that if he breaks that boundry rule, you will leave the field/park/whatever

not explaining too much. I know this runs contrary to instinct, but my Ds1 responds better if I don't stand there and give endless explanations about why his cup must not be on the floor, and how fast liquid flows, and what it will do to my flooring. I just say "Pick it up please. Now. I'm counting 1 .... 2..... 3....." Once he has DONE it, THEN I explain, and he knows that he will get his explanation quicker if he doesn't challenge me about everything.

If he's being a nuisance, boot him out to the garden for a bit. not as in force out, but just tell him he can have some outside play time, here, have a ball.

also he may be just as bright as the other six year old, and he may sound just as brioght as the other six year old, but he may not be processing what you say very well, so don't feel bad for having to 'drop' the level of your language a couple of years, and shorten requests

from "Please can you pick up your fork to eat because your fingers are getting messy"

to "use Fork, please. Messy fingers, yuk!"

Sounds bossy and babyish, but is extremely effective.

Thanks for the replies. Will be putting some of it into practice I am sure.

Mum2bless - yes we do apparently, not sure what though - I tried to contact my development worker last night but she is off sick. Will seek advice elsewhere.