Am I doing the right thinh regarding settling my mindee ?

[Summerfruit]

Hi !!!

I have this little boy starting on the 2nd of July he will be 4 days a week, he is 1 year old.

As I didnt know how the child will be I have decided to give a long settling period prior the starting date.

So this what I have done so far :

12/07 - 1 hour
13/07 - 2 hours
14/07 - 3 hours
15/07 - 4 hours (school run)

The child has been really good so I have decided to play it by ear.

19/07 : Nothing
20/07 : 4 hours and a half (including lunch)
21/07 : Same as today
22/07 : Nothing as I have agreed to swap one day with another mindee.

The mum seemed unhappy that I couldnt have her son as she had a plan on thursday but I have also other mindees to consider and I dont want to be over my number.

So could you please help me to clarifie the situation with the mum and help me plannifying his settling over the 2 next weeks bearing in mind that he is fine and never cries when he is with me ?

I'm so worried she is going to dump me when everything is going so well with her son, I really cant afford to lose him.

Thank you

Sounds like a very long settling in period tbh - I know nurseries who give a couple of hours and that's it.

If child has been fine, then that is the most important thing, just missing a day on 22/7 won't make a difference to how he settles, as he is obviously settling fine.

It is a different matter though, if the parent expected you to have him then and you have had to change plans - that wouldn't give me (as a parent) a very good initial impression of the childminder...

So you think I have lost the little boy then...

I've never done such a long settling period - usually 2 visits with parent and 1 half day session without - obviously I would do more if child didnt appear to be settling.

Did you tell mum initially that you would have him on Thursday - or did she assume you would be available? I would remind her about ratios regarding your registration.

Good luck, am sure everything will work out.

I have offered this settling and is doing it for free as she was really anxious. The little boy never cries, sleeps well, he is really happy !

I told her all of that, so I have said I dont need to have him so much as he is fine if it was otherwise it will be different ! She assumed I was going to have him, well I have told her I'm going to have him as I dont want to take any risk to lose her.

Thank you underpaid !!

You're doing all that for free!! I'm sorry but if she was that anxious she'd happily pay for a longer settling in. I've never done one that long, I've sometimes advised a parent that maybe they need more regular visits if they've appeared more unsettled but if a parent EXPECTED me to be free from the off, I'd be having a polite but strong word about numbers etc. Someone who is off at the start would worry me as I'd be thinking I had a nightmare on my hands (speaking from experience!). It's not her being anxious that would bother me, it would be her getting funny with me!!

Obviously you've now agreed but FWIW, you were totally right to have that plan, she shouldn't have 'expected' anything you hadn't agreed to!

She should have really made arrangments to do something else, especially when you are doing it for free. Surely she should be available just in case the lo doesn't settle.

As upow said, did you agree formally to have him this week, if not, I would just sincerely apologise and explain the needs of the current children and that you are doing your best to fit him in when you can. I also feel you have offered an excellent settling in period, I have spaces coming up in September and due to being full until then am struggling to do much settling in during the summer holidays. It would also not be a fair representation of what its like during school time, as I have quite a few older children and we do different things, so I am just doing odd hours where I can to get the children used to my home. But I have been lucky and had very few problems with children settling.

For settling in sessions, I personally offer this as part of the contracted agreement, not prior to its start. I do not provide free sessions as some do as I am working and should therefore be properly paid for it. The work and responsibility is no less (in fact it is more in the first few days). If the mindee is a full-day child, then I do two settling in sessions - maybe three hours on the first occasion and then on the second occasion, I like it to include a meal time - I have found on a number of occasions that with the younger children (6 months or so), they are often quite happy to play with other children and me but when it comes to being fed by someone else, it is quite a different story!!

Over the past two or three years, I have found that it is the parents that fret more than the child (I know I would if I was leaving a little one with someone else however much you trust them, but I usually agree with the parent that even for the settling in session, they should not stay. The longer they stay, the harder it seems to be for them to leave.

Sorry that should have read "Shouldn't have made arrangements".

p.s fully agree with looney

I just wanted to do it right as last year I felt I didnt give enough settling to another little boy from the same age and it went pear shape, he was not settled at all on starting date so it was a bit of a nightmare.

I have inspired myself from Katymac, she does this sort of settling arrangement and is not paid for it.

Stupidly I tought that because her son was settling I could decrease the settling time, I have told her that last week but she doesnt seem to have understood.

You done all that for free!!!. You are mighty generous and have gone over and above the call of duty.
Think you might have provided a lot of free childcare and the mum was able to go and do her thing.
I offer pre-visits up to 2 x 1hr visits anything after this is paid for, however i use my judgement on this and may extend for another session IF i feel the child may need it.
Settling in then occurs once the contract is in place.

Has the mum signed a contract with you?

Yes she has signed a contract and we agreed on a 4 week settling period. But reading a lot on Mumsnet, I'm not the only one who does it for free !?

OK - whether its free or not aside - I think you can try to rectify it by explaining that you thought, as it was a free settling in period, that the times/dates were flexible depending on how it was going and you didn't realise that she would make other plans during that time as the settling in might not have been going quite so well. If you explain that of course you wouldn't change agreed dates once the 'proper' hours had started - i.e. try to put this across as a miscommunication.

It sounds that you want to reduce the hours now that the boy has 'settled in' though - which sounds a bit counter intuitive to me, as it might confuse the little lad. So you need to agree on some fixed hours for the next couple of weeks that won't get changed.

I make them sign to say they understand it's at my availability & subject to change, it's something I offer 'as I'm nice' rather than theirs by right (iyswim)

If it's going well - then it's great

hate being responsible for other people

Katymac, you have just pointed at my mistake, I didnt make her sign an availibilty and subject to change close. My mistake and I'm learning from it !

I'm going to carry on doing what I previously agree to do even if the little one is fine.

I do think that there does appear to be some 'confusion' about 'settling in periods'.
What is often talked about as settling in - is getting used to the setting sessions - pre-visits.
The settling in period that is on the contract is the period in which is given - normally a month (4 weeks) in which to see that the child is going to settle into the setting, that there are 'no problems' with the contract that need ironing out. its normally in those first four weeks that you find out about that child and family. That four week settling into the CONTRACT period.
Thats the way I view it all anyway and the way I discussed it with NCMA.

I offer my pre-visit sessions for free but in no way could i afford to nor would I want to offer more. Nurseries do not normally offer more than 2 free pre-visits.

However, all of us run our business in our own way and I am not saying you are right or wrong, its entirely up to you what you do and don't offer. I admire you for what you do offer.

I'm the same as Pippin (I think). I have a settling in period, which is the first month of the contract, with the child attending their full contracted hours.

Before this time, the child (and their parent if they like) are invited to visit the setting, so the child finds it easier to settle when they come properly. Before the start of the contract, the hours are only offered if they are available and are chargable.

As you so rightly said ... not all CMs arrange the same contracts and charges.

I also find that children can be fine for quite a while, then when they realise that "this is it" THEN start with issues, such as crying when mum drops off (when previously didn't), so settling can be a continuous process as the child changes.

I cannot afford to offer anything without charge. If the child is in my care, then I must charge for it.