Perspective required after traumatic birth

[J00ls]

Hi, I'm hoping to benefit from some of your experiences please. My 1st delivery went really smoothly (induced & PPH but otherwise ok). My 2nd I was induced also but DS was back to back and not budging. I am now pregnant with my 3rd, due in Dec and need your help putting my 2nd experience into some sort of perspective. It became clear at my appointment with the consultant yesterday that for the 2nd delivery I was fully dilated and pushing 4 hours after induction. DS was then born by cs, after failed vonteuse and forceps, a further 4.5 hours after I had started pushing. Memory of it all is very hazy. I can only remember wanting someone to put me out of my misery and by the time I ended up in theatre I didn't want to see my DS or DH and felt very upset by the whole experience for a long time afterwards. Fortunately, or unfortunately, I couldn't remember clearly enough to know where it had all gone so wrong. Anyway. I now have to decide MOD for my 3rd. Can any of you tell me whether it is 'standard' to let a woman who has had a normal delivery previously push for 4 to 4.5 hours before before going for a cs? It had a detrimental effect on my bonding with my son. The consultant brushed off my questions and is pushing me towards a vbac. I can't help but think it would have been obvious well within 4 hours of pushing that DS wasn't coming out vaginally and it was cruel to let it continue for so long, particularly with holding pain meds other than gas and air. I have to decide 3rd MOD but want to know if what I experienced last time is typical of a birth were the baby gets stuck and vonteuse and forceps fail. Please can you help?

I'm not a midwife but I did do some obstetrics in my nurse training. It seems excessive to me to allow you to push all that time when fully dilated. Clearly something was wrong when you weren't making progress you are very lucky DS was born OK. I dont know what is standard practice regarding the length of allowed labour. Ask midwife perhaps?
Regarding the vbac. My daughter had a crash c section after placental abruption, DGS was not breathing and no heartbeat and has mild Cerebral Palsy (utterly gorgeous still and bright as a button!). There was no fault on the part of the hospital but my daughter had a very long incision and is under no circumstance having a VB. She knows uterine rupture is rare, but no way will she risk another disasterous birth (it was her first btw)

I think it's unusual. I pushed 2.5 hours before they took me for cs (but he was born on the trolley on the way after a very sudden unsticking of his head). I would want answers, I only made it that long with very good pain relief and I was getting exhausted,

Have you had a de-brief with the consultant? You do need to know exactly why this happened, and they should sit down with you and go through it in detail. And it's absolutely your choice if you would feel happier with an elective this time, the consultant cannot make you have a VBAC if you're not happy with doing that. I'm sorry you had such an awful experience.

It sounds to me (as a doula) that your baby was probably posterior (back to back) which makes pushing very difficult.
Usually baby turns into a better position during labour or after yiu start pushing, but sometimes (like my DD) they stay back to back.
If you have a wide pelvis, and/or your baby is on the smaller side and/or you are very mobile or have someone with you who has experience of helping babies turn (like I do now) you can sometimes push them out anyway (my DD was 6lb 7, I pushed for 4.5 hours and had a large double episiotomy). It is much harder than an anterior baby, especially if you have had an epidural or pethidine/diamorphine or are pushing sitting/lying down)
If you are having a VBAC they weould not let you push that long as it might put stress on the scar.
Have you considered a Doula to support you? Wether you choose a VBAC or an ELCS you have had a traumatic experience, a DOula can help you talk it through and will be there just to support you and your partner physically and emotionaly and can help out afterwards too.
Have a look on here for more info-
www.doula.org.uk/
(((Hugs)))
Selina
PS I have supported a few women after traumatic birth, some of threir stories are on my website
www.magicalbirth.co.uk/index.html

Hi everyone,

thanks so much for your messages. I have a meeting with the hospitals deputy head of midwifrey to go through my notes from the last delivery and hopefully get some answers and explanations. Have also requested a cpy of my notes so feeling a lot more in control now.

Thanks again for your advice and support.Joolsx