I agree a HB breech isn't ideal - but if the only way to ensure that your MW's a skilled and experienced in breech birth is to use IMs, what do you do? Very few things in life are ideal, at the end of the day. I don't feel that HB breech is in anyway comparable with a home CS, though - the first is merely not ideal, the latter would be foolhardy to say the least!
Interestingly, I think your experience also underlines my point. You were presented with "information" about breech birth in such a way that you came out of the meeting scared of the idea and perceiving it as extremely risky. As you've said, in your instance there were other factors that meant it wasn't recommended, but I still find it disturbing that professional HCP's often present their own views in this way such that women are coerced into "choosing" the HCP's preferred method of delivery rather than being allowed to make an informed decision on the basis of robust data.
In our "so your baby's breech..." meeting at the hospital, the registrar told us (pretty much verbatim) "we recommend CS for breech because of the Term Breech Trial. We know there are a lot of problems with it but its the best we've got so that's what we got with." If I'd tried that argument in my degree I'd have been marked down a long way. If I'd tried that argument at work I'd have been dragged over the coals for it and/or fired. Yet they were recommending major abdominal surgery on the basis of a study that they themselves said was worthless...
The view we were given by extremely experienced MWs was that if a baby is term and normally developed then the pelvis and skull are very similar in size - hence if the bum comes out the head tends to follow. If a breech baby is going to come out under its own steam then it tends to do so fairly quickly and easily. If the labour isn't progressing then don't try and force it, switch to Plan B and have a CS. The labour for a large baby may be more likely to show no progression, but that's not the same thing as saying trying for a breech birth is more dangerous if the baby is large.
There is a risk of death for the baby in any birth, but once you step away from the usual its very hard to quantify just how those risks change. I just wish the risks were presented in a more factual way (and that HCP's felt able to admit that sometimes we don't know) and that more research existed so that we could say with confidence what the safest method of delivery was for different sets of circumstances.