Delivering a big baby - advice and reassurance needed

[AhickeyfromKenickie]

My DS was 10lb 8oz, very traumatic delivery, I tore badly, couldn't walk for 6 weeks and had PND.
When my DD was due I had a scan at 38 weeks that showed another big 'un. My very nice consultant booked me in to be induced at 39 weeks, I had a 5 hour perfect labour, and a 9lb girl, no tearing.
This baby is showing large already. I had an appointment with my consultant this morning, who said she will not induce me at 39 weeks, but only if I go 10 days over. She said because I'd already had two big babies I could do it again. I don't want to sound like a wimp, but it was horrendous getting DS out, it was such a traumatic experience, and I'm shaking with fear at the thought of having to do it again, esp as I'm having a boy and boys are generally bigger than girls.
I need to get pro-active, I have to do something to prepare myself for this, mentally and physically, or I'm just going to collapse in a puddle of nerves. Any advice? Any positive big baby stories that didn't involve tears and forceps?

Mine have been 9lbs 1oz (girl), then 10lbs 2oz (boy), then 9lbs 12 (girl), and was due on Saturday with number 4 - am still waiting. I think its a boy and I estimate 10lbs 5ish.

I have found water a blessing and my births have been hard work but smooth and easy with no intervention, and just gas and air at the very end stage with my first.

I think the pool helps stretch the perineum, optimise babys position and carry some of the weight, aswell as relax mum. As a result - slight tear with number one - no tear with my biggest (this was a home birth too).

Am hoping for a pool birth any way now at home. Will let you know if this one is bigger and how it goes xxx

Change consultant if you feel really strongly.

A colleague of mine had a 10lb DD and then a 11lb DD - naturally, with tearing with the first birth and no tearing at all with the second birth - with no problems at all. I agree with water (helps soften the tissues to minimise the risk of tearing) and positioning as helping with birthing and reducing tears. Good luck with the birth. And who knows, no 3 might even arrive early so you dont need to worry about being induced.

I honestly think that the reason you found DS so awful is because he was your first baby. My DD1 was 7lb 12 and DD2 9lb 6. DD2 was a much easier birth despite being so much bigger.......and she cause less damage on the way out too....completely unassisted delivery and small 2nd degree tear.

The worse thing you can do is give in to fear when it comes to childbirth.....so, so difficult but if you labour tense and anxious, you really won't help yourself.

Have you looked into relaxation methods at all? I bought a natal hypnotherapy cd when pg with DD2 and found the breathing exercises really helpful.

If you really feel that you want to be induced, then persue it with the consultant or ask to see a different one.

Diamonds - my last labour was ten years ago, so I feel like I'm having a first baby all over again. You know people say you forget what the pain was like after you've had the baby, well I can remember the pain in excrutiating detail and I'm absolutely bricking it! I need some sort of relaxation CD, I just don't know which one to pick!
Unfortunately the hospital doesn't have facilities for water birth... I guess I could just stay in the bath for as long as possible?
mumgojerry - good luck!
I hate my bloody consultant, what a witch! I feel very bloody hard done by today!

My DS1 was a huge shock at 9lb9oz - I had no idea I was having a big 'un and, like you, the labour was hideous with tearing - it really terrified me - nothing 'down there' was even in the same place anymore! I didn't get an epidural but had lots of other drugs over my lovely 36 hour labour but I couldn't even tell you the name of them 'cos I think I was pretty off my face. I couldn't face another baby for 3 years and was terrified of the birth. But with DS2 it was only a 4 hour labour from first twinge to birth. When I got to hospital I laboured mostly in the water with only gas and air and although I didn't give birth in the water, it was SO much easier. He was 10lb and my lovely DH likes to say 'he practically fell out'. Nice. But really, I think your body has done it once and the second and subsequent natural births are alot easier. I don't mean to piss you off - but you HAVE done it before and your second one was a perfect delivery as you said. I don't think being induced has anything to do with it being easier. Have confidence in yourself. I also found pregnancy yoga was good in calming me about the birth.

DS1 - 10lb 5oz
DD - 11lb 10oz
DS2 - 8lb 10oz.
So boys not necessarily bigger.
I didn't have water - gave birth in the all-fours/upright position.
Have you researched positioning? There are ways of maximizing your pelvic opening, so that's worth looking into. Would also second some sort of relaxation/hypnobirthing CD.
I had 31/2 years between my last two and I felt nervous so I can imagine how you're feeling.

Your body won't have forgetton what to do even if it was 10 years ago. The trouble with inducing is that it is the first step on the cascade of intervetion some of which are going to be very unhelpful. For instance I felt like I had been hit by a truck after my epidural and had zero pelvic floor control. I am sure it was because of pushing to hard and so long without proper contractions I could feel.

It is a real pity about the lack of a birth pool...any chance of changing hospitals?

The hypnobrthing course was ace for getting rid of fear about birth. Was £200 though. The natal hypnotherapy CDs are good too and is a cheaper option.

You can usually get hold of them on e-bay which is even cheaper. They do courses aswell, have a look at the website.

This is your third baby so the way has been well paved, even if the last one was a while ago. And first births do tend to be the most difficult. You've every chance of having a smooth delivery this time, however big your baby is. The main thing is that you feel alright about it so if no amount of relaxation or positive thinking has helped you, maybe ask to see the consultant again or find one that's more sympathetic.

Good luck

DS 9lb 1oz
DD 10lb 8oz

DD was a water birth and I had Dh counting to 10 during the contractions, It was really helpful and ment I could concentrate on my breathing and not panic. It made a HUGE difference

cgi.ebay.co.uk/Natal-Hypnotherapy-Hospital-Birth-Prep-CD-hypnobirthing-/270592723972?cmd=ViewItem&pt =UKBabyMaternityPregnancyMJ&hash=item3f00954c04

I used this CD (although the home birth one....but that went tits up due to blood pressure issues!)

Sorry my post wasn't particularly encouraging. I did actually say that your body knows how to do this, but deleted it to add something else, then forgot to put it back in .
And, as someone said, induction is usually the first step in a cascade of intervention, often ending in an unplanned cs. If yours went smoothly last time, there's every reason to think things would also go smoothly if nature is left to take its course.
Plus don't forget big babies have more gravitational forces to help them out!

My first (and only so far) baby was 10lb 7oz. I'd been terrified all the way through as my bump was measuring 6 weeks ahead!

Plus (TM|) I've never actuslly had sex with a man (same-sex relationship) so was really worried things down there were definitely not up to the job!

In the end I wrote a very detailed birth plan and had a very active labour. I gave birth on my side to minimise tearing and got away with an intact perineum. I'd also been doing perineal massage religiously. I think its just luck, but a big baby can be ok - they have gravity on their side!

diamonds - ordered it, thank you! And I've ordered a birthing ball. I'm going to look into positions, perhaps squatting? God, it's like revising for an exam or something!
cantthink pmsl, DP and I haven't had sex for about five months, and it did cross my mind I might have closed up a bit down there, haha! Maybe it's about time we started up again (not that DP could compete with a baby's head..!)
The thing is DS's birth didn't go smoothly, it was horrendous, every intervention you can name bar a C-section. I swear, I remember looking at my MW's horrified face when the head crowned, and my MIL nearly fainted! I tore right the way up to my cervix and all the way back to my bum (sorry TMI), and couldn't even walk for 6 weeks. Whereas when I was induced it went perfectly, other than the gel no intervention and she was out in 5 hours. As far as my labours and recovery were concerned there was a big difference between 10lb 8oz and 9lb. Oh God, I'm pooing myself. I am feeling very sorry for myself about having to do it again, I had a massive Veruca Salt-style tantrum at DP today, accusing the consultant of being inhumane and barbaric not to induce me! I know I did it once before and "can do it again" but I don't bloody want to do it again, thanks, I can live without having my fanjo ripped to shreds again, once was enough!
I'm trying to be proactive about this, but I need a day or two to tantrum and rant!

My first was 10lb4oz and he got stuck, big emergency, and was left with erbs palsy. I was terrified when I became pregant (pill baby!) with my second only 6 monthns after ds1 was born. I was convinced it was going to be worse than before.

Anyway, he was 10lb 5oz and he practically shot across the room I didn't even need stiches.

I'm not altogether sure that telling the whole of mumsnet my fanjo is so roomy it's like chucking a sausage up the old kent road is the way to reassure you.

But a big baby does not always mean trouble, even if you've had a bad time of a previous big birth.

Sorry Hecate, I shouldn't laugh, but "chucking a sausage..."

Forgot to say, DS1 who was 10lb 5, but 1lb 5oz less than DD, took 31/2 hours of pushing to get out, whereas the bigger heffalump DD was out in about 20 mins.

Check out bigbaby.org.uk.

My last baby was nearly 13lb. Born in water at home. No tearing. Easiest of the 3.

that's ok, glad it cheered you up for a minute. At one point I thought I'd benefit from one of those pelvic floor strengthening conical thingies, but I never dared ask in case they gave me one of these

Joys of big babies. you have to laugh, don't you?

Actually, I'd probably better not laugh, all things considered...

I gave birth to DS (10lb 5oz) on a birthing stool. It was a fantastic position and my second stage was about 6 mins and I didn't even really have to push. I sort of breathed him out (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration but google Ferguson Reflex to see what I mean).

DD was my first and was 9lb 12oz but it took me 2 hours of pushing because I was made to lie on my back

Marjean I'm speechless. 13lb. You win hands down, I'm going to stop whinging now and count myself lucky, mine are practically tiddlers.
Hecate please don't make me laugh (or sneeze... or jump up and down.. or cough)
Thank you very much everyone for all your tips and reassurance X