It's ds's birthday and I'm reliving the horror of it all.

[jabberwocky]

I thought I was doing pretty well this year, seemed better than last year until last night. All of a sudden it hit me what the day before was like - that's before they knew he was breech and had insisted on starting the pitocin drip. It was so, so horrible. Lots and lots of blood, I went all the way through transition with them still not realizing his position. I feel angry, scared and more than a little nauseous. Does it ever go away?

I haven't experienced this jabberwocky, sorry you have. You could try calling birth crisis

I'm in the US I don't think they have a birth crisis network here. I have read all the articles on this website last year when I realized I had PN PTSD and it was somewhat helpful.

sorry you feel like this jabberwocky, it may help see if you local hosp/ birthing unit has a dept tha helps with traumatic births.

How old is your child? I certainly felt like that on his first birthday, but his second I celebrated it by having a party and drinking lots of champagne and not focussing too much on remembering the birth. By his 3rd b'day - again, felt better.

It does get better - time is a great healer - a cliche, but true.

This is his second. Did you have another child or just the one?

just the one and I was so shocked by the birth experience that I thought he would remain an only child forever, but i'm now 10 weeks pregnant and only just recently getting my head round doing it again! I know that it will never be as bad as the first time round - I will make sure by asking lots of questions, being a demanding, nightmare patient!

I had pre-eclampsia, then induced, then they realised like you that he was breech, stopped my contractions, tried to turn him then did emergency c-section....then got back to labour room to find all my posessions had been stolen whilst I was in theatre. There is no way I would allow anyone to treat me like that again!

It really does get better, but it does take time. I think talking about it does help, but then there comes a time when there is nothing new you can say about it and you just go round in circles reliving it and actually it gets to the point where you feel happy in yourself to move on and accept what happend as bloody bad luck.

good luck - very happy to keep talking if you want (cat me too if you want)
x

Thanks, dh. I actually remember reading your story, you may have posted a link to it somewhere as I wasn't on MN when it actually happened. I had wanted to have another before this happened. I sometimes wonder if another year will see me brave enough. Of course by then I'll be 41 and it may not make any difference.