Giving birth alone (well without DH)

[BigMommaOfAlmost4]

Am almost 36 weeks with DC4. Was told today that baby's head is engaged and will probably not reach 40 weeks !

Current DCs are 13, 8 and 8 and I am terribly worried about going into labour overnight as we have no childcare where we are living now. Nearest family that I would WANT to help is 5 hours away and we have only been in this house for 2 months and have not seen much of the neighbours. Other than that we have only acquaintances from the DCs school across town who I would not feel comfortable calling on in an emergency (have not managed to make any friends here since we moved here from abroad 3 years ago ).

Now I am of the mind that I would not be that bothered about going into hospital alone (would only go in an ambulance if I could not hold on until morning!) as I would not be able to relax unless I knew the DCs were being looked after so DH would have to stay with them until the cavalry arrived. DD at 13 is not mature enough to be left with her brothers and definitely not in the middle of the night. Hospital is only 10 mins away but I would still worry about them.

If I did labour alone, would the midwives think it was weird? I will be hopefully having a VBAC and feel that I am strong enough to tell the staff what I want with this birth (MN has opened my eyes in that I realise now I can say NO when necessary ). Really am not interested in a doula as I would not want a complete stranger seeing my bits so would really rather be on my own. We have always lived near relatives with my previous pregnancies and they were planned induction/elective cs anyway so have never had this problem before!

Anyone else been in this position??

I didn't want my DH there when my DD2 was born. He was there the first time and hasn't yet got over the shock. I was in a consultancy unit so did not need to tell anyone. When I went into labour I just didn't tell him.
If it is what you would like then you should do it. I found it much easier with only my self and baby to worry about.
I dont think the MWs will think its weird. Mine said it was a good idea she has more problems with DHs that the ladies in labour.
You wont be worrying about your other DC.

I would say if he was at your other births don't tell you little one that he wasn't there.

Thanks Lynli. Think I am more worried about what the midwives will think than of labouring alone which is a bit silly! I am also of the mind that I would rather focus on myself and the baby in as much peace and quiet as possible. Am hoping for a quick one as I am such an OLD hand now .

DH would rather be there but will have little choice anyway if it happens at an inconvenient time.

Am sure the MWs would not think this at all weird, loads of women must go in alone, and as Lynli said they will if anything probably be relieved not to have an extra person to deal with! If that's the best plan for you then go for it and don't worry what anyone else thinks. Good luck.

No-one thought it odd that DH was caring for DC1 when I had DC2. But when things went wrong (nothing very bad), I felt that there was no-one there for me - the health professionals were all tied up with getting the baby out (and I obviously would have wanted them to focus on the baby). If DH had been there, he would have been there for me.

Incidentally, my 4 DC all know that DH was there for three of the four births, and they certainly don't see it as some kind of favouritism.

I laboured and gave birth to DS (our third) alone.

Homebirth is really not for me and also because the nearest CLU to us would involve a helicopter in an emergency.

That was a risk I didn't want to take and I'm glad I didn't because DS turned out to be quite big and heavy and had cord wrapped round his neck.

It wasn't ideal, but we got there in the end.

Thanks all. It's a relief that I can stop worrying about it now and that other people have done it.

TSC - don't want a homebirth as am having a VBAC and would rather not add extra stress worrying about what could go wrong. Would prefer to put myself in the hands of the hospital to a certain extent!

Will be dicussing what I want with the VBAC midwife tomorrow so will mention that I might be alone then.

hi,

im in a similar situation i;m 28 weeks pregnant. Im really worried about childcare. like you i've not been here many months, dont have any family here. My husband has a cousin we were thinking about, but since she has told me of marital problems and an unplanned pregnancy of her own, i don't think it would be right to leave my 2 kids there.

My husband has suggested leaving his cousins 14 yr old daughter to look after kids, if its a night labour. But i'm not uncomfy with that, my kids are almost 3 and 4.

I;m thinking my only option is a homebirth, or going it alone in hospital. i've not had any complications so far so am thinking home birth. But my husband thinks it will be too much of a bother.

I don;t see how it will be a bother to him, im having the baby, and midwife will get all the equipment necessary. i don't want to be anxious over my kids wellbeing whilst in labour.

Anyone had a home birth, is it messy i mean what sort of equipment do i need if anything?

justanuther, I think homebirth is the least bother to be honest, if it suits you and you are a suitable "candidate". No trawling off to hospital in the middle of the night, no worrying about when you're going to get out, no worrying about what the other children are doing. Midwife will leave all kit at your house a couple of weeks before due date, will come with gas and air. All you really need is an old shower curtain with some old towels. I didn't even need those as I gave birth in the bath at home cos I couldn't be bothered getting out of it. No mess, no fuss. Really. But that's just my experience and others may have another.

Bigmomma, I think the midwives won't think it at all strange - and you never know you might get a bit more attention in the early stages(of course, that's just wild hopefulness and speculation).

It's not unusual for women to be without a birthing partner. Midwives try and provide one to one care in labour, but when it is not possible to be in the room all the time, a health care assistant will usually be present to provide constant support(which they love as they only usually are present as floor nurses in theatre for the CS and instrumental deliveries!).

thanks "ilovegregoryhouse" that's really put my mind at ease, if midwife raises no objections i will go ahead with it.

Could you not take them with you and when it starts getting gory they go into the waiting area with sweets/books/Nintendo DS to entertain them?

If it means a lot to you to have your DH in the hosp, do go for it, as it does help. Do you know any childminders? Many childminders offer overnight care for children esp when mothers go into hosp. Do call around and ask them, most of them are very happy to help. OK, so you won't have known them beforehand but given the ages of your children,(ie not so young that they would be scared of strangers) it should be fine and might even be fun fo them to have a night away and come back home to a new baby!. You can visit the childminder beforehand to satisfy yourself that they have all the necessary registrations and safety elements for an overnight stay.

If you budget stretches, might also be worthwhile considering a nanny for just 1-2 nights. Most experienced nannies are used to jumping into the job immediately and given that it's a one-off, are usually available for overnight care at short notice and will give you and DH peace of mind

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. Midwives will not think you're "weird" for giving birth alone, if anything, they've only got you to worry about and not your DH as well. My husband was with me at my births, although he was asleep throughout most of it..and I think it honestly helped. I could just get my head down and focus on myself, without worrying about anyone else.