Need some help please

[dcb]

Just need to 'talk' about this - worried on 2 counts. Basically our son was born over the weekend and is now on neonatal ITU with probable brain damage due to oxygen starvation. He was delivered with cord round neck at 39 wks with shoulder dystocia (about 30 s). DD was delivered with forceps after getting stuck, previously

1. I feel guilty that I tried to induce labour on Fri afternoon by eating pineapple and some brief nipple twiddling. Waters went that evening. I feel I should've left well alone

2. Luckily I was fully dilated on arrival to labour ward and started pushing pretty much straightaway. I never thought I'd end up with a 'normal birth' this time round and was v proud that I was able to just get on with it this time. I really tried my hardest with pushing, but really felt like I couldn't do any more after 40 mins and thought I was goiing to need assistance. Was v happy for midwife to do episiotomy as I really thought this would help and she asked for help at this stage. I then tried my absolute hardest to push him out. All hell broke loose when MW realised cord was round his neck and shoulders stuck and the room quickly filled up. It wasn't entirely clear that it was just due to lack of oxygen to start with or if there was something else going on. Now looks like all due to oxygen.
   I feel terrible that I didn't deliver him more quickly than I did (about 50 mins) or whether I should've considered a section after my first experience with dd.

Not sure if he will survive this - either at all or unscathed. I just can't think straight at the moment

Oh goodness, you poor soul. I really don't think you should be blaming yourself for this in any way. Given a crystal ball there's all sorts of things we'd all like to have happen differently, but there's no way of knowing that, had you had a section, there wouldn't have been some sort of complications with that instead.

I can't offer much by way of advice but I had to answer - just concentrate on resting when you can so you can be there for your lovely little boy. I am sure MN will come up with tons of support for you.

hug

Please don't feel guilty. Pineapple is an old wives' tale and I really do not believe that nipple stim will being anything other than BH on if you are not ready to go into labour.

As for not pushing your baby out more quickly, 50 minutes sounds like an amazing effort to me. I am no expert but it sounds as though you did everything just right. If a CS was clearly a better choice than a vaginal delivery you can bet the medical staff would have made that very clear to you before the birth.

I really hope your wee chap will be ok. Are you getting the support you need from family/friends?

Sending you love and a hug! Bless you such an emotional situation. You sound a wonderful mum and I don't think there is anything you could have known to be able to do anything differently. Sometimes things which are out of our control can be very difficult to get our emotions around. I do sincerely pray that your son will pull through. xx

It Is Not Your Fault.

Eating pineapple and doing some nipple stimulation... Not a chance that caused your labour to start. Purely coincidental.

50 minutes of pushing is fantastic, you should be bloody proud of yourself for getting him out in that short time - the medical team would have told you if a CS would have been better.

No one could have seen this coming, especially not you, and there is nothing you could have done differently.

You poor love. I really do hope that everything is okay. Keep talking if it helps. Thinking of you and your family x

You poor thing. None of this is remotely your fault - the pineapple thing is bollocks, IME. And you're only human - it sounds like you tried your damnest and did bloody well. What happens, happens - this isn't in your control. I'll be thinking of you - everything is crossed for your boy.

(((Hugs)))
I hope he and you are okay.
Try not to blame yourself, shoulder dystocia is very hard to predict, you could not have known this would happen.
Selina x

There's no way you could have known - please don't blame yourself. Hope your boy recovers.

You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. If it was that easy to induce labour yourself there wouldn't be so many women going up to 2 weeks after their due date. And as to the delivery, there are risks in any form of childbirth. Repeat. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.

Thinking of you - I hope you have people to look after you. x

Oh what a worrying time for you.

Just to add weight to what others said. You did NOT cause labour to start. Labour starts when the baby is ready to come. You did NOTHING wrong.

And 50 minutes is very good indeed. You could not have predicted or prevented the cord location or dystocia. I know you want to look for blame/reasons but sometimes there are none to be found.

I wish you all the best.

Not yor fault, not your fault, not your fault. You did nothingw rong. Just to echo everyone. Really, you MUST believe this, because it is true.

Good luck, to you and your family.

Thanks everyone. Have been at the hospital all week. They now think he had some oxygen deprivation before delivery - perhaps 1-2 days looking at his brain scan which showed fairly devestating damage. We've now taken him off the ventilator - he's still breathing but not sure how long for - he's a stubborn little thing. Just really wish we could go back and do it all again, but just not meant to be for him

Thanks for your messages x

Thinking of you all. So sorry about your little boy.

thinking of you dcb, and hoping your little one pulls through. x

Gods bless you and your boy.

So sorry to read this, dcb.

I hope that you realise that there is absolutely nothing that you did that could have made a difference.

I was two weeks overdue and tried everything - and I mean everything - to get labour started but it did not work. I truly believe that if you are not ready, then all the pineapple and stimulation in the world will do nothing. Please do not think that you did anything wrong. If the medical staff had even the slightest inkling that something was not right, then they would have had you in for a CS.

thinking about you so sorry to hear this
agree with the others - there are no warnings about not eating pineapples, if there was any evidence it worked, there would be. PLenty of women bf older child through pg so plenty of nipple stimulation there.
I hope you are being looked after. I know it is a worrying time but welcome to the world to your son xx

I just had to post after readin this,
and completely echo everyone else.

It is so true that if all the thoeries/old wives tales really worked hardly any women would be overdue or need medical induction, i have so many friends that tried what you did with not result and still waiting for baby wks later.

You sound like you did fantastically during labour and it is so out of any of our control as i believe it takes its own course and we as mothers can only do what we feel at the time.

Non of this is anything to do with you or your fault.

I will be thinking of you

Oh dcb! . Wishing you and your baby boy all the strength in the world! Agree with everyone else - this is NOT your fault!

So sorry dcb.

Words are never much of a comfort I know, but please don't blame yourself for this, it was not your fault.

Lots of love to you and your family.

I can't possibly imagine what you and your family are going through and just wanted to say that you are in my thoughts. I hope you are getting the support that you need from the hospital and from your family/friends.