Home birth - sick of negative reactions

[Dibbydab]

That's it really. Am 33 weeks with first baby and really want a home birth. Am fit and healthy, text book pregnancy so far (apart from minor niggles - heartburn etc).

I have done sooooooo much research into the pros and cons of hospital vs home birth it could be my specialist subject on Mastermind, but nearly everyone I have mentioned it to has looked at me like I've told them I want to deliver my baby half way up Mount Everest and come back down on a Yak!

Needless to say, none of the people who have been so negative about it know anyone that has actually had a homebirth - they just regale me with stories of "how my friend had such a terrible time, she ended up with an emergency c-section - they won't be able to do that at home will they?" Well no, they won't, perhaps your friend had such a terrible time because she was in hospital after having every intervention they could throw at her, I don't know?

My baby's well being is my number one priorty and if I thought I would be any better off in hospital I would be there like a shot.

Feeling so and thinking I should just forget it.

Hi I have had two hospital births and two home ones and am also a midwife.
It constantly amazes me when people scaremonger about home birth as the research is very clear, home is just as safe if not safer for women and babies if they are low risk.
Don't feel that you have to convert the world to your view, I did not mention my plans unless asked directly.
I really don't care what other people think about home birth only what I think.
Mums labour best when they are relaxed and if you feel you are drawn to staying at home you will labour best there.
It really is the most amazing exciting emotional day of your life so look forward to it and do not let negative thoughts or opinions into your life.
Enjoy.

Community MW do homebirths round here aswell- I might be taking them away from Corrie but not other labouring women!

wot

It depends on the areas. If an area is set up for it, well GREAT no problem!

if they are not (and some are not), well thats where you get the problems isn't it?

P.S. Porca, I believe the 3 midwives situation was during a shift change, I had the same in hospital.

It is a fair point you raise but I'm not sure it works like that in most areas.

X-post, I prob would think twice if they were struggling to send a midwife out. However, PCTs are supposed to staff homebirths and use agency staff if they are short.

OP I think it happens to everyone who has a HB.

I got all the 'oh you're brave comments' usually from people who had epidurals or c-sections, so couldn't understand giving birth without those things.

Probably best not to tell too many people. The staff at DS1's nursery were very surprised to find out DS2 was born at home, quite frankly it was none of their business where I was having him.

I had DS at hospital, DD at home.

I couldn't have had two more different experiences.

With DS I had a long labour, was left on a side ward for 6 hours without so much as a paracetomol and was pushing for 3 hours.

While in labour with DD I took the dog for a walk, pottered about had about 6 baths and was generally very relaxed.

I phoned the Midwife at 9pm, two turned up at half past and DD was born after two pushes at ten past 10.

I honestly think the fact I was at home, rather than sat on a hospital bed contributed to both the short labour and the fact I didn't need any pain releif.

If your area are well set up for home births I would really recommend it. If the absolute worst had happened I could have been at hospital in 5 minutes.

Hi - I am 39w+1 and have only just booked into a home birth. DH and I have decided to only tell close relatives as I can not face having to defend our decision.

But even this has not been easy, my lovely sister is clearly cynacle about the whole thing (though being v. supportive) but she made a classic comment the other day. She said "but what will the cat do?". Um, I guess go and hide under the bed like he does most times there is noise/disruption in the house?

Should I re-consider my decision to have a home birth because of my cat?????

Dibbydab - good luck

Oppps meant Cynical (pregnancy brain)

Another one with support!

DD was born at home. DC2 is planned at home too. The Grandparents are broadly happier this time (different and better located flat), but most too sensible to say anything last time. FIL does make the occasional comment, but he can jump off a cliff.

DibbyDab - please stick with the HB idea if you fancy it. Really, it is a perfectly valid, and in some ways and in some circumstances (usual disclaimers apply!) safer and better option for you and baby.

People who have never considered a home birth will think that it is wacky. Certainly had you asked me pre-DD I would have flatly scorned this "hippy nonsense" and demanded lots of drugs! Things change...

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and delivery (wherever it might be)

I'm here in NL where of course it's considered "normal" - but I know for a fact that there are NHS MLUs in the UK who are very pro this!

I am looking forward to going in to labour in my house... sitting in my bath, peering in to my fridge, switching on my telly, stomping around my stuff. And when it's all over I'm going to lie in my bed, on my sheets sipping my champagne which has been chilling in my fridge...

Caveat: He's currently breech and if he doesn't decided to turn I'll be in the hospital anyway.

james 79 - "Best thing I ever did, wish I'd had the guts to do it first time round. " i agree entirely.

skihorse - often people complain about the 'mess' with home birth, but i just sat on my sofa drinking champagne and eatng a huge bar of chocolate whilst giving ds3 his first feed whilst mw, dh and my mum cleaned up. magical.

just had home birth with ds3 and it was great. dh and i are doctors and had no end of negative stories from all our friends and family and GP. they all thought it very selfish of me, and i was endangering the life of the baby. no amount of evidence can help some people see the truth!

i had the natal hypnotherapy cd and one of the phrases was about negative stories of childbirth not affecting you, like you have a protective shield around you. i used to focus on that - people only remember the horror stories, not my 2.5 hour labour and home water birth which was lovely. good luck.

Weasle - I can only assume that you are a witch doctor and not a medical one!

My American friends are less than impressed... I fear child welfare are going to get "medieval on my ass" next time I visit.

Well ladies, I'm pleased to say that I am still going for HB - after all your lovely positive comments and a really informative HB meeting last night I'm feeling so much more confident that this is the right decision for me and the baby, and bugger anyone that thinks they've got a right to throw their tuppence worth in for good measure! I'll just nod and smile sweetly - as an earlier poster said it will be good practice for all the "advice" I'm bound to get once the baby is here.

DH attended meeting with me and was still very on the fence over it erring towards hospital being the safer option, but by the end of the meeting we had the birthing pool booked. Ever practical DH asked about dimensions of pool/filling time/emptying procedure etc, so he feels like he's got a bit of job now

The ladies were so normal (not sure what I expected tbh), but I have to admit that if they turned out to be lentil weaving, placenta frying earth mamas I knew DH would run for the hills!

I have promised DH that I will always listen to what attending midwife advises, and if that's a transfer to hospital, then so be it.

Right, off to order my Ina May...

Currently pregnant with DC2 and planning a homebirth. We had DS1 in hospital although I can't think why? the pushing contractions started at home so we transferred to hospital in an ambulance... I wish we'd just phoned the midwives and got them to pop round...

I think my friends and in-laws have given up telling me I'm bonkers. I did extended BF'ing (19 months and would have done longer apart from a stay in hospital), BLW, cloth nappies, co-sleeping and sling-wearing with DS1 - most of which my MIL particularly thought were daft. I expect some eye-rolling when we say we're having a homebirth for DC2 but it's our decision and they can just go and grumble to themselves somewhere else. Pah! My only concern is the amount of noise I made with DS1 and the impact on neighbours - woke 'em up last time. But they're nice people and i'm sure they'll forgive me....

If you really want to freak them out you could say you're considering free-birthing maybe for the next one....!

I say go for it, wish I could have had one with DD. More chance of them interfering in hospital, I am sure if I hadn't been on my back strapped up to the monitor continuously then my DD would have be born naturally and not by EMCS. Women have been giving birth at home for millenia without qualified midwives to help. Make sure your floor can take the weight of the birthing pool when full with water, ground floor safer, you do hear stories ...

good luck, I must say they do sound great

and as for my selfishness argument, well to mitigate against that I'm having a freebirth (whimpers...)

DP will be delighted!

Weasle - 'The mess' yet another bugbear. Of course, 5 mins after the first feed they hand you a mop and bucket and a bin bag and let you clean up.
Gah!!!!!!!

Dibbydab - so glad the HB meeting was good. I had DS1 in hospital (planned HB but failed to progress) and DS2 and DD at home and can tell you which I preferred.
The other thing to bear in mind is if you plan a HB you can transfer in at anytime should you change your mind. However if you are in hospital and suddenly say 'hang on! No! Let me out. I want to have this baby at home' the likelihood of anyone taking you seriously is remote.

"The mess"? Perhaps this is where the Dutch have it cracked... I have been issued a "home birth" kit which includes a mattress protector amongst other plastic/cleaning goodies and a nurse/hv will be assisting the mw and disposing of erroneous poos/bloody pads.

As for the carpets... I've got 2 dogs, a man and am about to have a child - my dreams of featuring in Homes & Gardens have long since faded...

No, Skihorse. you put down a shower curtain (in my case) and old (or red, in my case ) towels and the MWs take everything away with them. Many regard it as a matter of pride to leave the house looking better than when they got there.

my standard response to 'oh aren't you brave' - is 'aren't hospitals terrifying??'

which reflects my feelings about them, as well as shutting them up...

FreeBirth - heh heh - I had images of something where childbirth was parallel to extreeme ironing !

porcamiseria - I only had 3 midwives for my daughters birth because of shift change and she wanted to hang around to see the finish line as it were.

To balance out the first birth...I only had 2 midwives for the last 5 mins of me giving birth. They only stayed for a total of 1 hour and I gave birth and laboured all by myself They just arrived in time to see my son's head crowning. I live quite near the hospital so I calculate that I probably cost the nhs less than if I'd been in hospital with that birth!

with regards to mess...have a waterpool, no mess in our house. Of course the DH had to clean it out the next day but it made him feel useful

The midwives cleared up the waterproof sheets we had lying around etc.