Don't know what to choose - please help!

[Ta76]

Hello!
Really would be grateful for any advice - lots to explain, but will try to be brief (ish!)
Am 25wks pregnant on my 3rd. Had horrendous first birth - things going well until baby became stuck and wouldn't comeout. Midwives great, but locum consultant came in - didn't tell me what he was doing - put my legs in stirrups and turned then pulled baby out using ventouse - didn't explain what he was doing and offered me no pain relief - I'd only had gas and air!Then very rude to me - midwife complained etc. . .Found first experience degrading - to be honest,felt like i'd been abused.
When pregnant with my second, visited consultant to discuss options - possibility of same thing happening. He assured me that there was only a 2% chance of same thing happening - said no reason to opt for c-section. To cut a long story short, my second also turned wrong way and I needed ventouse again - was prep'd for a c-section and taken into surgery, but they managed to get him out.(Treatment much, much better and also had epidural). However, I was quite sick during - high temp and baby floppy and blue when born - all pretty scary
This time I have the opportunity to have an elective c-section and thought this was the most sensible option, although scared and worried about recovery with other 2 to look after. However, spoke to lovely lady who runs our midwifery led unit, who is convinced I can do it with the right positions, birthing pool etc. I'd love to be able to, but have lost faith in my body. Really don't know what to do - having sleepless nights and crying. If I knew baby & I would be fine I would probably try again, but don't want to make wrong decision and put baby or myself at risk.
Please help - any thought would be really appreciated.

It's really difficult to comment because everyone is different and you have had such traumatic experiences. I had a difficult birth with my ds during which I was prep'd for a c section but ended up having forceps as they didn't have time to get me down to theatre and needed to get him out straight away.
With my dd I again, had a long labour, almost pushed her out but she was turned the wrong way and after trying forceps in theatre I had an emergency c section.
We are not having any more children but if we did I would try for a natural birth because the recovery from c section is sooo different to a "natural" delivery. You just can't do normal things that you take for granted, and with two other dcs, I would say it'd be hard.
I think it is totally understandable that you are anxious about the birth but, personally, I would try for a natural birth. Or maybe ask if you can have a scan towards the end of your pregnancy to see what way baby is facing and then make a decision? I really hope it all goes well for you whatever decision you make .

Hi - you might find it useful to browse through the thread on those of us who are choosing an elective after a traumatic birth. Hopefully as you read you'll either feel your gut feeling is for a vb or that actually you do want an elcs.

Consider the longterm too - have you had any ongoing health problems from the difficult births? Incontinence etc? If you have had any symptoms you can ask to see a specialist to discuss how much weakness there might be in that area and what the chances are of longterm issues from another vb.

I am having an elcs tomorrow and not looking forward to the recovery with an 18 month old toddler. BUT I also expect a better recovery than from my forceps birth which had me still attending outpatient appointments 10 months after birth and referred to specialist physios and urogynae consultants. Really not easy to cope when sent home with a catheter and in a lot of pain for many weeks. So while I am not naive about a c-section recovery I wouldn't have that as my deciding factor if there were other possible longterm issues/likely forceps again etc.

Ultimately it's one of those hard choices as you never get to try the other route. What would you regret more? Trying a vb and having instrumental delivery and possibly an emergency situation again? Or going for an elcs and not giving a vb a chance? What are your fears for the baby and you safety and healthwise and which route addresses them more?

I can totally understand the dilemma, especially after you had difficulties with your second birth too. But I beleive the amount of good support you have is important.
Have you considered a doula?
They would support you antenatally and during the birth.
Having a trained woman supporter has been shown to decrease your need for assisted birth and SC and make a normal birth more likely.
I have supported quite a few women that had previous traumatic births (if you are interested you can read some of their birth stories here www.magicalbirth.co.uk/6.html
See www.doula.org.uk/to find a doula in your area and for more info.
Selina x

Thank you all so much for your comments and for sharing your own experiences- all of you have given me things to think about. I was pretty sure I would go for elcs, but now leaning towards trying VB.
Anothersleeplessnight - think I will ask about possibility of checking baby's position beforehand - thanks. Mainly recovery I am worried about - keep thinking I should try - If it works out it will fantastic,but if worse comes to worse I will have an ecs.
Thanks for suggestion of looking at other thread Lovethesea - will spend some time looking at that.Sounds like you had a horrendous recovery - don't blame you for going ecs - really hope it goes well for you tomorrow
I was lucky in that I generally recovered well physically - although much bigger impact on me emotionally. Think if I could manage VB would hopefully have the advantage of quickish recovery.Think you're right - have to weigh up what I would regret more.At the mo - the idea that I risK VB and baby gets stuck and then doesn't survive or is damaged in some way - couldn't forgive myself perhaps need to look more closely at risks involved in both.
Thanks Selina -agree that the right support is vital - off to check out suggested site x

There are lots of things you can do to encourage babies in aqward positions to shift, I've spent quite a while researching them (after my DD was born persistant posterior)
Spinning babies is a great website-
www.spinningbabies.com/
Selina x

Thanks so much Selina,
Looked at your magical birth site - really interesting to read - especially all the testimonials - wish I lived closer to your area! Everytime I read positive experiences it encourages me to go for a VB - something I never thought I'd say!!
Have read a little about hypnobirthing too - sounds a little too good to be true, but I like the idea of being able to prepare myself mentally. Think after my DD's delivery I was very anxious and stressed just starting labour with my DS. Think this obviously added to pain level and also my belief that things would go wrong.(Not the best state of mind I know!)Had already agreed that I would have an epidural early as wanted to avoid the same situation as thefirst labour - but think this may have contributed to problems in the later stages - even though a mobile epidural I felt unable to move much and my DS remained facing the wrong way.
The midwife at the unit has said that she will give me exercises to do a few wks before the due date to try to ensure the baby is in the best position and I will check out the spinning babies site.
At the moment keep trying to read as much as I can without scaring myself!

Where do you live hun? Would you consider a doula in your area?
I think when you are in labour you should be able to just relax, zone out (or in) secure in the knowledge your birth partners know your kwishes and how to support you, so you don't really need to have long discussions and can just get on with giving birth.
A doula can help you work through what happened in both your other lbours and help you make a birth plan fr this one, where you feel empowered and in control, whatever happens.
I know women can have good, healthy, enjoyable births after traumatic ones, and it can be very healing?
How far away are you? I do travel in the North West and North/Mid wales if you are anywhere around there?
Selina x

Unfortunately I am in Bedfordshire - which is a little out of your way!
I would consider a doula - particularly after reading your comments- when I spoke to lovely midwife at midwifery unit she made me feel much more relaxed - felt like I would feel calm with her, but obviously don't know which midwife I will get, I like the idea that with a doula you will have someone you have already developed a relationship with - need to talk to DP first and look at our budget. Have started to look at the Doula website you recommended - there are quite a few near me. Thinking of contacting a couple to get more info and prices etc.
My sister and partner were with me last two times. Both really great (my sister has 3 children and is considering training to become a doula) -think they make a good team, but we need to read more info about relaxing and getting into good positions - think both felt quite powerless at the end of last 2 labours - also quite traumatised too by the first - would like us all to have the opportunity to 'heal'
Thanks again - your information has been so useful - always makes me feel more positive