Anyone else had babies before and is really really scared about the birth ?

[fakeblondie]

Im not a first time mum this is my 4th and im 40 !
I1ve had 2 very traumatic deliveries out of 3, and due to the nature of my work i havent really had the opportunity to tell nyone how i feel.
I havent actually allowed myself to think about it until about a week ago and now ive finished work its in my mind more amd more. Im 38 weeks and totally terrified.
I know too much and i just hate not knowing which way its going to go.
Thought it might be nice to annonymously have a chat on here.
Its too late for hypnotherapy and i`m not a great believer in breathing but will try anything to get my mind ready for what could be another nightmare of a delivery and first weeks ?

Hi I am due today, have a 4 yr old dd & absolutely bricking it about the labour. Feeling bad because I don't feel excited although looking forward to meeting the baby but just can't get past the birth. I'm worried about the pain, about not getting to hospital in time, about childcare arrangements for dd, about things going wrong in labour, about there being something wrong with the baby & dd being devestated, you name it I seem to be feeling it now. Last time I wasn't expecting it to be a bed of roses, I rememeber partly wishing I needing a c section but I wasn't worried about things going wrong so much as how I would cope with the pain. This time round it feels so different & not in a good way. I'm not depressed or anything & I'm sure I don't appear anxious outwardly but deep down am terrified. Can't suggest anything I'm afraid but you are not alone x

You don't sound like you know too much, tbh you sound like you know too little!

If you knew more you'd know that breathing isn't about believing it is a physiological process. You'd also know how to summon the right pain-killing hormones with your mind and that there is in fact, an awful lot you can do to increase the chances of a positive and safe birth.

Sorry to be so harsh, but it isn't too late to 'find out' about breathing. Nor is it too late for hypmotherapy!

I don't think it gets any easier just cos you are older and have kids already. And I think it is quite normal for the panicky feelings to start a few weeks before the due date. You know it is going to go how it goes and the only difference is if you can stay as calm and positive as possible. Check all your preparations are done. Check you are getting plenty rest/ pampering/ being left alone by annoying relatives. And then let it all go.

I had 2 difficult births and then an easy third - I am convinced cos I consciously decided to let my worries go. Me and DH got into the birth pool, drank G& T's (pretend in my case) had a laugh and got naughty. I was also getting visited at home by a reflexologist which is really relaxing.

I would definitely try the self- hypnosis and breathing techniques. Why not, only got to be stuck at home waiting impatiently otherwise ;)

ThickystarlightTrollGirl - I do agree that breathing helps as does hypnotherapy (did both successfully til DS1 got stuck and I had a placental abruption losing 2 litres of blood and ending in emcs) but when the going gets tough it is true that no amount of 'positive' thinking/breathing helps-it is terrifying and you cannot understand unless you have had a bad birth experience - fake blondie _ i'm 37 weeks and also terrified and considering an elcs. Tried all the alternative positive stuff first time and as I said it did work til stuff out of my control went wrong then I was then like any other poor sucker in agony and in the hands of the medical staff to save both me and my baby-I don't think people can understand how brutal and frightening it can get til they have experienced it.

I cannot decide on VBAC/ elcs. It is such a hard decision. Have you considered it?

You are not alone in being scared!!!

honeymoon I know your intentions were genuine, but my first birth experience led to ptsd and a brain-damaged child so try not to make assumptions.

I was obsessive in my desire to prevent an oucome like that again and become extremely well informed and knowledgable. I would NEVER imply that a little bit of breathing and positive thinking can prevent difficulties or even get everyone through every birthing experience, however, it DOES play a MASSIVE part in ensuring the best possible outcome whateve that may be.

I had a traumatic time with DS (2yo). I had been in labour for 25 hours and ended up having a forceps delivery, after failure to progress, failed epidural, shoulder dystocia, big baby and so on. Was awful.

Went in last Friday to be induced at 40+6 as they were concerned about shoulder dystocia again. The induction failed as they couldn't break my waters. By then, I was a quivering, sobbing mess as I had been dreading the whole thing, had managed to build myself up to it and then it couldn't happen. I was on the delivery ward waiting for them to break my waters and the consultant told me I had to have more induction gel.

I went home in a terrible state. I was booked in for next Friday to be induced for the second time but I went into labour myself on Sunday night and had DD2 after 1 hour 40 mins. It was the best labour out of the three: only had gas and air, was nice and quick, no stitches (which is fab because I had them with DD1 and DS). I feel brilliant and not like I've just had a baby at all.

Please don't be worried. The breathing thing does work. I also told myself (out loud ) one less until the baby comes, come on, you can do it, and various other embarrassing lines to keep me going. DH sat laughing at me, until I squeezed his hand and then he just sat and agreed with me .

Good luck.

ThickystarlightTrollGirl I'm so sorry - didn't mean to make assumptions. Just heard it so many times from people who have straight forward deliveriesm and feeling emotional and scared re impending birth.

Wow some lovely replies thanks mums.
Well ive been laid up in bed all day with a 24 hour bug ( diarrhoea and bowel cramps ++ ). Feeling a little better now but it may have started something as ive had a huge show-more like delivery of a jelly fish !!

Anyway ive had time to think today and read thro here and think ill take some of your advice x

honey Sorry about my post. I'd had about 3 glasses of wine when I posted and wasn't as measured as I should have been.

I think the reason I have strong feeling on the subject is my first birth was awful, truly awful and I believe it wouldn't have been if I hadn't been so scared, processed, ignored, argued with, filled with chemicals. in pain etc. I planned carefully for the environment for my second and practised some techniques and she just swam out, taking the mw by surprise who told me I wasn't acting like I was even in established labour.

It took an amazing amount of courage, and I spent the first 8 months breaking down at every single mw appointment and screaming that I was going to have a c/section, telling them they were barbaric to put me through my first experience again and that was no way on earth I'd every give birth in a hospital again without one. So when, it was eventually agreed, and I was free to choose from the full range of options I began to feel in control, and used that to get exactly the type of vb birth that would lead to the best outcome.

It wasn't the type of birth that most people can have easily I'm afraid. It took the same level of shouting and screaming to get it, but I did and I believe from the bottom of my heart that if more women could have the opportunity of births go the way mine did, no-one would bother with pain-relief.

Do I believe my first child would not have been brain damaged if my first birth was set up like my last?

Absolutely!