Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

Flip

Original poster

If dh can't be there....

15 replies

LilyBolero · 18/05/2010 18:55

I'm currently 9 days overdue with dc4. This is no surprise, the other 3 have all been overdue. I'm planning a homebirth, but am booked in for induction on Friday. i know all the stuff about 'not being forced to have an induction' etc, but I don't want to take any risks, and just want the baby safely born. (With dd I did go over the recommended time, but I just want to have this baby now!).

Anyway, if it does go to friday, there is a fairly high chance that dh won't be able to be there - we have friends who can help during the day, but overnight is a different matter - ds1 and dd would be ok, but I don't think I can ask anyone to have ds2 overnight on the offchance that I go into labour. Dh can't be at the hospital after 20:00 unless I am in 'established labour', so it would be a case of him being at home waiting for a phone call, and somehow finding someone in the middle of the night to have ds2, which realistically isn't going to be easy. Added to which, if it goes on till Sunday he can't be there day or night ANYWAY because of work.

So, has anyone had a baby without their partner there, and any advice? I had ds1 in hospital but the other 2 were idyllic homebirths, so is a long time since I was in hospital! Anything I should be prepared for? I am very much not happy about the prospect of dh not being there, but if I can prepare for the possibility then at least I can be ready!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

LilyBolero · 18/05/2010 19:28

OP posts:

daxibaby · 18/05/2010 20:06

Hi
honestly, why don't you avoid an induction and stay at home? you've had 2 wonderful homebirths before, so why not this one? then you don't have to worry about the children as much?
where do you live?
Have you thought about a doula (whether you in hospital or homebirth)?

thisisyesterday · 18/05/2010 20:09

well, could you re-book the induction for a different dahy??

otherwise, as daxibaby says, maybe go for monitoring and see if baby makes an appearance naturally?

heymango · 18/05/2010 20:18

I have just had DC4 and had to be induced - I went in at 9am and had her at 5.30pm. Obviously it is different for everyone, but I think once they get you going, it will be quick with your 4th.

Don't know your budget, but what about an agency nanny at short notice?

Just curious, but why wouln't your DH be allowed time off at the weekend - if he could push for that, I would postpone the induction.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 18/05/2010 20:22

If you are 9 days overdue can you bring your induction forward? (if you are happy to) I started my induction at 9 days over (9pm with the gel I think, had DS the next evening at 11pm so 10 days over)

Original poster

LilyBolero · 18/05/2010 21:28

The reason for going for an induction is that I've had a few friends lose babies late on in pregnancy, and I just want this baby out safely.

I think the date is pretty rigid tbh - our area is v firm about dates.

Work - there's no way dh could be released from work over the wkend - we both work in performing arts, so is not like a regular office job!

OP posts:

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 18/05/2010 23:04

Sorry am abit slow - you DH is working during the day over the weekend? Can anyone have your DCs as of Friday - would it be easier if it was all pre planned?

Original poster

LilyBolero · 19/05/2010 00:59

There really isn't anyone who can have ds2 overnight - during the day isn't too bad, but overnight I think he would be too freaked by it all. Yes, dh is working during the day at the weekend.

OP posts:

ben5 · 19/05/2010 02:03

i had ds1 at hospital with a qulified midwife and one that was undergoing training. it was great! husband is in the forces and wasn't able to get from plymouth to scotland before i had him. my friend took me to local hospital but they were unbale to deliver baby at that time so put me in an amblance to glasgow. my friend had to follow behind in car but wasn't able to go throught the red lights like the amblance! she made it to the hospital about 10 minutes after i had ds1. the midwifes were great and in some kind of weird way i much preferred it to the birth of ds2 when hubby just about made it home! good luck

zachsmama · 19/05/2010 07:34

I had my ds without my husband being present. He was born overseas and husbands weren't allowed at the birth.

Once I realised that he wasn't going to be there, I was quite pragmatic about it - nothing I could do was going to change it, so I just had to get on with it. The midwives were very supportive.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 19/05/2010 10:14

Is there anyone else whocan come with you - or a doula? How old is your DS2? I think I asked this question a few years back as DH had work training away from home around my due date - quite a few MNers have done it alone and said it was fine You won't be left alone or anything. Whereabout are you, maybe a MNer can come and help you ? When I was induced with DS2 I went in at 9am and he was born before 12 and I was home that evening. Drink or take some raspberry stuff (Hollands and Barrats sell it), eat a few curries and start bouncing on a birthing ball - I managed to get myself into early labour, but DS was 10lb4oz so was probably just about ready to fall out!

Poledra · 19/05/2010 10:17

OK, so you don't feel there is anyone who can have DS2 overnight, but is there a friend who can come be with you instead? TBH, I would have preferred to have had one of my sisters there rather than DH (he knows this, and would have been happy with it too, but they live abroad so no good!).

Original poster

LilyBolero · 19/05/2010 10:30

Thanks for the replies!

Poledra - I don't think there's anyone I would be comfortable with tbh - and all my friends have small kids as well! My family all live hundreds of miles away, which is annoying, as the easiest solution would have been for my mother to come and stay overnight.

ASLD - ds2 is just 4, but would be tricky to leave as he has a speech delay, and is very routine based - he gets very distressed if things are 'different', so I'd like to keep things relatively normal for him if at all possible.

zachsmama and ben - thanks, that sounds encouraging! I think if I resign myself to dh NOT being there then I can get my head round it. I really don't want to be left completely on my own - ds1 was induced, and it was a fiasco on the ward - I buzzed the mw (who was a student ), said I needed to go down to the delivery suite, she said 'no dear you don't, you're not in labour, anyway they're busy, there's no space for you....'

She VERY reluctantly did an exam, found I was 6-7cm and then it was a RUSH to get me down there and was all very bewildering. I can't imagine that scenario without dh to do things like picking up bags/stuff etc! But then, that was my 1st baby and I've had 2 since then so am a bit more clued up.

OP posts:

BertaWysocki · 19/05/2010 13:34

Lily - I'm in the same boat, if baby is very helpful and comes at the right time we'll have someone to look after our DD1 but otherwise DH will have to be at home with her.

My MW was amazed at this and said I needed to get a relative to come and stay with us while I was in labour - I don't think it dawned on her that we don't have anyone that can do that. She looked at me in disbelief when I said that just wasn't an option, she just said well you'll have to arrange for someone to come!

Where we live now though, we actually don't have anyone to call on. I don't fancy doing it alone!

Original poster

LilyBolero · 19/05/2010 14:34

It's hard if you have no family close by isn't it. Hope your baby is obliging!

OP posts:

Flip