Had a beautiful, home waterbirth on Monday but my Dad has just said a lot of very hurtful things about the 'risks' we took... feeling very emotional

[hopingforahomebirth]

Has anyone else been through this? They've just left and I feel devastated to be honest.

We were having having such a nice evening (it was my Mum and Dad's first visit to see the new baby). Just over dinner, the subject of the birth came up - I can't remember how but I suppose when it was only 5 days ago it was bound to).

Comments included - "I would not have let my wife have a baby at home".

and to my DH,

"I would not choose to put my wife and child's lives at stake".

He just wouldn't listen to any of the wellworn facts we replied with and went on and on.... until we chnaged the subject. I think we were very calm considering.

And yes, the obvious point is that he can be extremely rude outspoken and why did I
expect any different?

Well I suppose I've been on such a high, DD's birth ended up with a horrible ventouse delivery that left me with a 3rd degree tear, making the decision to even attempt a vaginal birth again has been very difficult.

This birth was amazing, DS was 2lbs heavier than DD and I had a tiny 1st deg tear this time. My midwife was incredible and I have fabulous new baby, breastfeeding is going well, it's just been great and now I feel dreadful and can't stop crying.

It's just hormones isn't it? But I suppose I just didn't think he'd be say so crass as to say all this stuff, drinking our champagne, in our house to somebody who gave birth so recently.

He didn't say a word during the pregnancy (too squeamish I think now) and I suppose I should be grateful for that.

Why do people think that telling somebody they put their wife and child at risk - after the event - is ok?

by the way....it was a completely normal, healthy

Is it possible your dad was worried about something happening to his little girl and this was just a clumsy way of saying so??

Doesnt make it right though

congratulations on your new arrival

oh and as someone who was hight risk and was in a horrid sterile room hooked up to machines all through the birth complete and utter

Congratulations to you for your baby and for giving birth in the way you wanted and in a way that was sucessful for you and your family.

I'm not sure I agree with the people who say your dad has no right to express his opinion. You and his grandchild are his flesh and blood, so it is natural for him to be concerned about you.

I'm guessing that your dad is not up on his reading of Sheila Ratzinger. In his mind home births are a risk. It may be that he's being old-fashioned about this but he will probably have experience of infant mortality being higher than it is now.

Enjoy your family and just excuse your dad for being an old codger.

I have to say it doesn´t strike me that the OPs father was very worried & expressing it badly.

It sounds tome more like "someone did something I don´t approve of/wouldnt have allowed/I´m not in control anymore"

I'm sure he has no idea who Sheila Kitzinger is Merle - the point of that link was so that the OP could demonstrate current medical evidence to her father

I wasn't commenting on the link. Have just looked at it. I was only saying that the OP's dad no doubt has not read up on the stats etc. and therefore might find it all a bit risky. To be fair to him, this is not an uncommon view (not saying I agree with it, just that it is a fairly niche area of interest/knowledge).

Your dad, for example, is a twat.

Congratulations on your lovely new baby.

congrats - so glad you had a lovely birth. I just had ds3 by vbac waterbirth (in hospital)- what i wanted despite consultant advice. I'd done preg yoga and hypnobirthing which gave me the confidence after 2 fairly scary previous births.

If it's any consoltaion I came home from my class at about 32 weeks and in laws were staying. They asked about my birth plan and FIL started shaking his head and tutting saying homebirths were dreadful and Drs and hospitals were there for a reason and you'd be mad to not just shut up and do what they told you. I honestly felt like punching him. He can be opinionated at the best of times about things he knows nothing about (i.e won't 'let' long time single daughter (age 40!!) do internet dating as apparently it's full of axe murders but for a 65 year old man to tell me what's best in childbirth when he's never been through it and his wife did it over 35 years ago seemed to me to be slightly rich.....

Ignore ignore igonore - I just thinks it's grumpy old man thing. They seem to think they are the authority on everything

Just been able to get back online and wanted to say thank you so much for the lovely messages.

They were here all day today again (they're staying in a hotel because our house is too small for them to sleep here) and things were OK. I think my Mum had had a word so the subject was not raised.

And yes, I doubt he's ever heard of Sheila Kitzinger!

I shouldn't have let him get to me, but he caught me at a very weak moment. Funnily enough, with all the pregnancy books I've read over the last 8 months, I had no idea that day 5 was baby blues territory but it makes sense.

I do think that in these days of homebirths and staying one night in hospital etc.. there is a huge tendency for visitors to forget that you only gave birth 2,3,4 days ago. Particularly the older generation who wouldn't have seen their wives outside visiting hours for at least a week!

And of course he also has no idea of the physical damage done last time and any of the implications.

Pretty Candles Yes, this birth has gone an awful long way to helping with how I feel about DDs birth. I wasn't sure that it would but it has and I'm not going to let anyone spoil that.

Thanks again, it really helps to write it down...

Agree with frasersmummy. I would have read this as a clumsy way of articulating how worried he had been (particularly given your first birth) - and at least he kept it to himself beforehand.

Think the ignorant/twat comments are uncalled for.

hopingforahomebirth think you need to change youre name now

Congratulations

glad he didn't mention it again, but am afraid I'm with diddl & bibbity, some parents don't know when it is appropriate to keep stum,

my own dad is one and the last time I spoke to him was 3 years ago when he thought it was appropriate to make a song & dance about my dds name in the hospital the day after she was born