Still traumatised by birth :( Long Post!!

[Cazzy1]

Hi,
This is my 1st post, sorry it is such a long one but I could do with some advice support. I had my first baby 5 months ago and am still feeling traumatised and angry about the birth. It has been in my mind to make a complaint about my very abrupt and unsupportive m/w for a while now, but am not sure whether I have cause.

The pain of my labour quickly overwhelmed me and as there was meconium in my waters I had to spend the whole labour strapped to the bed so the baby?s heartbeat could be monitored. Pain relief wasn?t really discussed and by the time I realised I needed an epidural, m/w told me it was too late as I was fully dilated. At this point, she told me that if I didn?t stop making such a fuss she would leave the room! I had no urge at all to push and was making no progress in terms of the birth, although was still getting agonising contractions. In the end I was given a spinal block as I couldn?t stand the pain. The m/w seemed personally offended that I needed the block and told me I had 90 minutes before it wore off and there could be no top-up, so I better get the baby out before then. She then left the room. I had no idea when I was having a contraction and so didn?t know when (or even how!) to push. As the time ticked on I became more and more panicked that the pain would come back and was convinced that my body really didn?t know what to do. In the end my dh and sister insisted the m/w get the doctor. By the time he arrived I had been fully dilated for almost 3 hours. As soon as the doctor examined me, he decided I needed intervention to get the baby out. Ventouse didn?t work. In the end my dd was born in what felt like a very violent way by forceps. I was cut and also tore very badly. It took ages to stitch me back up.

I was very close to needing a blood transfusion and from the haze I was in at the time I heard the doctor ask the m/w whether I was o negative blood group. She told him no, when in actual fact I am. I had to speak up and the m/w seemed very surprised to hear this, even though she had been my carer throughout the labour and it was clearly stated on my notes I was O- and had had anti d injection. It turned out later that she had lost my notes (still lost to my knowledge) and was guessing at my blood group. I didn?t have the transfusion in the end, but hate to think of what could have happened.

Another m/w commented to my sister afterwards that things should never have got as far as they did; I?m still not sure what she meant by that but think I was mins away from em c. My m/w made me feel foolish that I needed a spinal block at the last minute and I also felt very guilty that when my dd was born she was battered and bruised from forceps. I felt like it was my fault and I should have done better and can?t help thinking that the m/w contributed to these feelings. I know she can?t be blamed for everything, but in terms of giving care, support and encouragement, she was appalling. Five months on and I still feel angry, guilty and foolish. Do I have cause to complain or should I try and let it go? Thanks for your patience & support in reading this x

Cazzy, this sounds horrendous, and if nothing else, it's shocking that m/w didn't know your blood group. I'm O neg too, so understand your concerns here.

Sounds to me like you need to speak to someone about what you've been through, so that you can come to terms with what should have been a happy event. Ask about counselling. Others on here will give better advice about complaining about your treatment.

Hope you are enjoying life now with DD

You need to complain about this. It was not acceptable. Of course you were not foolish. There is nothing wrong with any of the things that you were asking for. when giving birth you can ask for the moon and be quite reasonable imo - it's a big deal!! She should know this, and her role was to make your birth as easy and comfortable as possible for you - she did not do her job there. She may well bedoing the same thing to other women as we speak, so this should not be allowed to go unchallenged.

You might benefit from some counselling also to go through what happened and how you can move forward. Especially if you think you may like to have some more children, as this could cause terrible anxiety for you once you chuck some hormones into the mix

Hope you feel better soon

Firstly congratulations on the birth of your baby, I am so sorry it was a traumatic experience though.
You need to complain to the hospital, write to the communications department (or what ever they are called).
I had a similar experience in that I was made to feel stupid, in my case it was the doctors and not the m/w. I was lucky my m/w was lovely. The doctor was a prick, and I complained about it. Whilst nothing except a letter apologising for how I felt happened I feel that said doctor had to explain his poor attitude and intrapersonal skills to someone and was made aware of complaint.
In your case the m/w was (in my opinion) neglectful and treated you in a shocking manner. You need to complain so that this does not happen to anyone else.
You also need not to blame yourself. You did a fantastic job given the circumstances (even excluding the circumstances you did well, giving birth is hard work). Babies can come out battered from a non-intervention birth.
You are both ok and well, and you are busy now responding to all your babies needs - you are a great mum.
But I do urge you to complain, no one should be allowed to treat another person with such distain, least of all when in child birth.
Good luck xx

I am another one for you putting in a formal complaint.

You were treated in an appalling manner.

FWIW I tore badly, nearly needed a blood transfusion - felt like I had the life taken out of me, and somehow during pregnancy and after I lost my core strength and I still can not move around properly and it has been over 6 months now.... but I got great support from my mw, and because of the birth I had a follow up appointment where I was able to go through my notes and have a debrief from the birth.

I remember the tremendous support from the mw and still have flashbacks about it - so I can only imagine how traumatic your flashbacks are.

You say you know your mw can?t be blamed for everything, but in terms of giving care, support and encouragement, she was appalling and to be honest what I needed most was care, support and encouragement - for me that was the critical factor in the birthing process.

I hope you are getting support with your baby - and good on your ds and dh for supporting you during the birth.

You have been treated very poorly and should certainly make a formal complaint. No one should be spoken to the way that you were, but certainly not a birthing woman - it is definately my support and encouragement are crucial for a labour to go well. This midwife failed you and I'm so sorry that you had a bad experience.

i would make a formal complaint...she sounds an unfit midwife. I dread to think what would have happened if you had got the wrong blood in the event of a transfusion.I really empathise with you.
I was left by my midwife with my legs in stirrups and in need of being stitched for over an hour after birth if DS2. She just said she had to go as she had a wedding to go to and left.The door to my room was ajar and people were walking past my room and i am sure they could see me laid there,legs akimbo. I couldnt reach my water and i was attached to drips etc. No one came in the room for over an hour to stitch me up and that left me traumatised too. I could have bled to death for all they cared.

Wedding.......OMG whatever next....doesnt the patient matter any more.

AlyPaly - did you complain? Your experience should be unbelievable, just shocking!

no i didnt as i was too traumatised and i needed over 30 stitches internally and externally...then i suffered from severe PND for ages afterwards . But the whole thing terrified me. In retrospect i wish i had complained...but that hospital has constantly earned its bad name in every dept for many years. I have always asked my GP never to refer me there and it is on my notes never to be taken there in an emergency.

My first son's birth wasnt much better,it took them more than 30 minutes to come and stitch me up after DS1 but this was at a different hospital and he joked that he needed a quilting machine to sew me up. Ha bloody Ha.They had problems getting him out when he was in distress and dived in with the forceps. The size of them nearly made me faint!!!!!!!!
I had an epidural but should have had an elected caesarean as i had pre eclampsia and my BP was so high that they kept topping the epidural up for 36 hours as the drug in it lowered my BP. They put me in a dark quiet room for 48 and my teeny baby of 4lbs was taken to SCBU and i didnt see him or any visitor for 2 days.I didnt get any feeling back in my legs for 72 and noone reassured me that i would be ok. AS it happened i had really problems with my legs for weeks after as i couldnt move for 72 hours and i must have trapped the nerves in my bum ( or they did)

you need to complain. you also only have 6 months to start the complaints procedures, i believe so get the ball rolling now.

try contacting AIMS now for information and support in the complaints procedures.

you were treated grossly. many women would feel traumatised for a long time yet so you are reacting in a totally normal way. please stop feeling guilty and blaming yourself and direct your anger at the system that has let you down.

sorry for my abruptness. child asleep on me.

You definately need to complain, AIMS are a good point of call and also the supervisor of Midwives at your hospital. Try to be as factual as possible in your written complaint - although I know this can be difficult as it is such a traumatic thing to go through. It can help to write in chronological order and then do a summary of points that are your main complaints.

Most importantly congratulations on your new baby and also think about getting some help for you to overcome the traumatic time that you went through. There is a website called "Birth Crisis", they have trained people for helping you to talk through a traumatic birth and come to terms with what has happened so it might be worth contacting them. So sorry to hear what you went through and hope you can focus on the beautiful baby that you have.

Thanks so much everyone for your supportive responses. Just writing it all down and having others confirm that things weren't the way they should have been has helped. I will be putting in a complaint though, if only because it may help any other woman unlucky enough to have my m/w.
alypaly, your experience sounds horrendous. I was lucky in that as soon as the doctor was called, he was fantastic and looked after me well, as did all the other staff in the hospital.
Thanks again everyone. I am absolutely loving being a mom and although I do still have flasbacks of the birth I haven't suffered from PND and it hasn't spoiled my first few wonderful months as a new mommy x

I'm really sorry to hear of your experience, Cazzy. I know that sometimes position (ie being on bed) is outwith control; I had this with DS because if I was upright the contractions squashed the cord and put him in distress. But as for the rest of it, it sounds like you were very unsupported in terms of the mw's attitude, and could have been put in danger re bloods.

Sheila Kitzinger's Birth Trauma Association might be useful to contact, for advice and just a chance to talk it through. See here:
Birth Trauma Association and support.

Really hope you get some resolution on this. If you consider having children in future, you'll need to know that it CAN be better than this, otherwise your worries will cloud any future pregnancies.

I have no practical advice to offer but just wanted to say how horrified I was to read of your experience. You say you think your notes are still lost but have you contacted the hospital and asked for a copy of the notes. They are obligated to provide there (you have to pay a small admin fee) and if they can't provide them then I think they would also have to explain why not. Might be another route through which those concerned may need to explain what happened.

So sorry to hear about your experience .

Here's the link for the Birth Trauma Association, and the birthcrisis helpline. Hope they can help.

Thanks for the info regarding birth crisis centres & websites. Will def contact them as would like more children in the future but the thought terrifies me at the moment.
mtor, with regards to my notes, all I know is that they were still missing when I was discharged from hospital. I didn't know I could request them so will def be doing that too.
I am so glad that I decided to post. Everyone has been so helpful and supportive.

Cazzy, I won't post it again on here, but I had a v traumatic delivery with dd and have had flashbacks, nightmares and panic attacks for 3 years. Finally, last week I did something about it. 3 years was enough. It was ruining my life. I had a meeting with somebody at the hospital as a first step. A v lovely doctor spent 2 hours with me, letting me cry and talk, answering questions and reassuring me.

For the first time in 3 years I feel helpful that I might be able to have another child and not lie in bed crying every night. I hoped it would go on its own, but it didn't. There are so many forms of help available to you, as linked on here.

I am sorry for your experience. You can heal from it though.

And congratulations on your baby.

AlyPaly and Cazzy and ShowofHands so sorry to hear of your birth experiences.

I really hope Cazzy that you can complain.

I really found going through my hospital notes very beneficial. The hospital I went to gave me the impression that this was standard procedure when a birth was complicated, they also talked through having another child.

I really think it is very poor that such a practice is not the norm, it says alot to me about the status of mothers in the UK.

I really hope that you can complain Cazzy.

When I read your story, it could have been mine; my first birth was almost identical to yours, all at the hands of a dreadful midwife (who, incidentally had never had children of her own).

I too, thought I was useless and felt guilty...

On the other side, I eventually got my closure when I had my daughter and gave birth without any pain relief (because it was fast and I didn't have time or need it). This time I wasn't afraid and I think fear contributed to the pain levels the first time round.

Anyway, you shouldn't have to have another baby to get closure on this - that woman was unprofessional and failed to do her job, set the emotion aside, you woudn't accept shoddy service from anywhere else, this isn't any different, and your complaint may lead to other women not having to be treated like this.

cazzy I also had a traumatic birth and post natal period 6 months ago.
I am currently undergoing treatment for PTSD which is going really well. I am also pursuing legal action against the NHS trust.
I have been encouraged to make a complaint about certain aspects of my care by a senior midwife.

I would recommend:

• speaking to a sympathetic GP and get a referral to a psychologist who specialises in traumatic experiences.

• having a session with a senior midwife to go over your notes. I did this and it was amazing how different things were in my notes to what I remember, also things going on behind the scenes that I didnt know about at the time
• find out who is head of the midwifery directorate and make a formal complaint to them. You can make one to the hospital complaints department but I think its better to go straight to the person in charge of those you are complaining about. It may also be worth making an appointment to see that directorate manager to go through your complaints point by point rather than just receiving a bland letter

HTH

omg . That sounds absolutely horrific; I think you definitely have cause to complain. My community MW thought I should have complained about being sent home from the birth unit (a 40 mile journey from us) having been told "24-48 hours at least" when I gave birth 6 hours later (I didn't complain, they're no psychic) - so if I had cause for complaint over something so footling you definitlely do