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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

I am not sure I can go through it again...

20 replies

TheChicOfIt · 06/05/2010 21:38

I would really love a second child, but I am terrified of giving birth again!

I had a long labour and was awake for two nights before having lovely DS at 6am on the second morning.

I feel a bit silly because I didn't need any interventions, I only had gas and air, but had a second degree tear which was stitched up no problem.

I remember feeling pretty good afterwards, and thinking that I could do it again, but as time has gone on, I just don't know if I could!

I don't know why I feel like this - I have been wondering if there is any way I would be able to get a c-section , though I know in my head that is major surgery and a long recovery time.

I had quite a rough time post birth with recurring infections and problems for both DS and I - I wonder if it is that that is putting me off?

Has anyone else felt like this?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

gingerkirsty · 06/05/2010 21:40

I had a similarly long labour (over 50 hrs in total ending with forceps) so can sympathise. I am no expert only having had one but are subsequent births not usually easier/quicker? [optimistic icon]

SoupDragon · 06/05/2010 21:40

Yes, after DS1. And DS2. And DD

3 different births too - DS1 horrible hospital birth, DS2 great hospital birth, DD fab home birth.

gingerkirsty · 06/05/2010 21:41

Aaah soupdragon you have validated my point! Altho clearly it was not sufficiently easier to take away the fear of the next time!

Lulumaam · 06/05/2010 21:43

The Fear.. we all get it!
it is normal and natural to be a little ( a lot!) afraid

you should have a read of some inspiring and empowering books, like the Ina May ones or sheila kitzinger etc..

if i could do one day of my life again, it would be teh VBAC delivery i had for DD

it was incredible.

it is far more lilkely secodn tiem you will hve a faster ,easier labour

warthog · 06/05/2010 21:46

it's a flash in the pan when you consider that you'll have a child for hopefully, the rest of your life.

it's 9 months of pregnancy followed by a day or two of labour for maybe 20 years of extremes and then 40 years of enjoyment of the fruits of your labours. worth it, no?

MummyElk · 06/05/2010 21:48

well i see your point but i wonder if this is really more psychological than anything else - everyone's experience of birth is different but you already say that you feel like it went ok the first time around, yet you've built it up into a stick to beat yourself with...
HAve you heard 2nd time round birth stories from other mums? i found that most people's experiences were much quicker (and hoped that my second birth would be much the same too - and it was, give or take!)
FWIW I was induced first time round, took ages (days), epidural and episiotomy. 6 weeks ago I did it all again and this time went into labour myself and did it (like you) on gas and air. 2nd degree tear which is healing ok.
I have a friend who DID opt for a CS 2nd time around because she built up her birth into such a big issue. She's recovering fine.

It IS scarier the second time around partly because you know what to expect. OTOH you have a lovely DS so you also know the good things to expect. And it doesn't have to be the same experience as last time...
good luck with whatever you decide

Original poster

TheChicOfIt · 06/05/2010 21:53

Hmm, well that is another thing I am a bit frightened about - once I felt that labour was strong enough to get to the hospital, I felt the urge to the push after only 45 minutes, so I am panicking in case I don't get to the hospital on time/give birth in Sainsbury's or something!

Also, I feel that because it went so well first time, I may have high expectations?

What am I doing analysing everything - I'm not even pregnant!!

OP posts:

Ladyem · 06/05/2010 22:17

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I just thought I'd put my experiences on as it may help.

With DD I had a quick labour, but she got stuck, suffered a shoulder dystocia, was pulled out with a ventous and as a result was born with erbs palsy. Luckily, with physio she is now fine and you would never know!

So when I got pregnant with DS I was terrified that this would happen again as I never knew why it happened - ie, the shape/internal size of my pelvis - and was told I had a risk of it happen again. So after many discussions with various consultants and going from elective c-section, waiting to go into labour naturally and back to c-section again they scanned me at 36 weeks and decided that they'd induce at 38 weeks to keep him smaller than DD, and have a consultant actually deliver him in case things started to go wrong etc.

Anyway, long story short, I was induced at 12pm and he was born at 5.36pm, shot out like a bullet from a gun!! It was much easier than the first time! He never showed any signs of getting stuck and I only had to push 3 times!! With DD I pushed for 2 hours before intervention!

Perhaps you could see if you could go through your notes with your MW and talk through the things that are really worrying you. I think I would have benefited from doing this, but for some reason never did.

Esme01 · 06/05/2010 23:03

with my first I had 40 hour labour. Horribly painful but all fine really. With my second I reached point, probably about 30 weeks, of being terrified of birth. From couple of weeks before due date the overwhelming feeling was just to get it over and done (even though I love ebing pregnant). Am now 33 weeks pregnant with 3rd and getting those scared feelings again but I am expecting that this will be superceded with the 'right the time has come to not be pregnant any more'

Original poster

TheChicOfIt · 07/05/2010 09:53

"shot out like a bullet from a gun" - liking the sound of that .

OP posts:

mrsbean78 · 07/05/2010 10:10

I am similar OP... I feel this tremendous drive to have another baby and even though at the time I had no issues with the birth, the post-birth difficulties put me off.

On paper, my birth was not good. I had an ultra long, induced labour which was back to back, large baby, emergency rotational forceps delivery with people arguing over me about whether the forceps was safe or they should do emergency cs. Yet in reality it was really lovely! I never had any excruciating pain like others describe. I did it pain-free for six hours without ever feeling out of control but got the epidural in plenty of time when it was beginning to ratchet up (5 cm) and I just slept and/or chatted to the lovely student midwife and/or dh.

If I could be guaranteed MY birth again (minus the rotational forceps which did cause me some probs afterwards/lots of pelvic pain), I'd do it again in a heartbeat.
But I am afraid of a fast natural birth with excruciating pain because I suppose, what I know was managed and very easy to cope with?

Guess it's just the unknown, isn't it????

LillianGish · 07/05/2010 10:21

I think your fears are quite normal. I had an easy time first time, but still worried that second time round I wouldn't be so lucky (actually it was even quicker and easier). I don't know that a c-section is the easy option - as you say yourself it is major surgery and a long recovery time. I think the prospect of giving birth is quite frightening - especially if you are the sort of person (like me) who likes to be in control. Noone can guarantee you'll have na easy/easier time and other people's testimonies aren't much comfort because there is no guarantee you'll have the same experience. I would focus one what you say at the start of your post - you didn't need any intervention, you felt pretty good afterwards and you thought at the time you could do it again. And if you want another baby just go for it - whatever the birth is like you'll never regret it!

warthog · 07/05/2010 11:28

my 2nd labour was less than 20 seconds long - no exaggeration. i was standing by the bed, said 'i need to push' and before the midwife finished saying 'try and get on the bed' dd2 was out. midwife caught her, but dropped her and fortunately dh stepped into the breech.

Niecie · 07/05/2010 11:42

Sounds like it isn't the birth that was awful but the post birth bit with problems you had then that is making you think that doing it again would be hard.

It is unlikely that you would have those problems again (although obviously I don't know what they were) but because you have had them before you know what to look out for, the MW and HV should know your history and will offer support and keep and eye on you and your new baby. Also, was there anything that you could do to protect yourself from the problems? You have that knowledge too.

FWIW, my DS1 took 36 hours, with a 4 hour second stage and forceps delivery. BF was a nightmare for 8 weeks (I now know he probably had a weak suck as he is dyspraxic but back then I thought I was doing it all wrong despite the fact he was putting on huge amounts of weight). Doing all that again was very very scary.

DS2 on the other hand arrived after about 4.5 hour with 3.5 of those me wondering if i really was in labour. He ended up being born at home even though I had planned a hospital birth but I just wouldn't have made it in time. The high from that birth was incredible. And to think too that 4 weeks before I was in tears over the birth because we moved house between children and the new hospital did barely any epidurals and an excessive number of CS and didn't think I could cope without an epidural! I was so wrong. It will be different second time around and whilst I do understand your fears it will in all probability be easier or at least easier to deal with.

dinkystinky · 07/05/2010 11:43

I felt exactly like you - did hypnobirthing course (really recommend it) and read childbirth with fear when pregnant with DS2 and it really helped me put to rest the ghosts of DS1's birth and embrace DS2's birth. And FWIW the second birth was NOTHING like the first - it was quick, interventionless and smooth. Just how I wanted DS1's birth to be.

warthog · 07/05/2010 11:54

i didn't mean my 2nd labour, i meant pushing my 2nd only took 20 seconds!! but i don't think anyone's read my post anyway

Original poster

TheChicOfIt · 07/05/2010 15:27

I read it! And I was going to go , but didn't want to be rude! Wow, even so that is short warthog! Nice one dh!

OP posts:

smilehomebirth · 07/05/2010 17:15

I second the hypnobirthing and inspirational books (I think dinkystinky meant "childbirth withoutfear"!?).
How about reading something like the Natal Hypnotherapy book "Effective Childbirth Preparation" and following some of their self-hypnosis-ridding-yourself-of-fear techniques?

Original poster

TheChicOfIt · 07/05/2010 17:52

Thanks that is really helpful smilehomebirth - I will definitely look into some of these books and techniques.
This thread has really helped - all I need to do is actually become pregnant .
Hope this has also helped anyone else with the same thoughts .

OP posts:

dinkystinky · 07/05/2010 19:51

Oops - yes did mean Childbirth without Fear! Talk about a freudian slip - it really is an excellent book though. Glad you're feeling better about it all TCOI.

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