Postnatal doula for first baby?

[JuneMammy]

Hello,

Im wondering if anyone would recommend getting a PN doula? From looking at previous posts it seems that people tend to use them more to help out if they have more than one child - so i'm wondering if it is a bit much to be considering one even though this will be my first baby?

My main reason for considering a PN doula is that i wont have much social support when the baby arrives - my family and friends with babies are in another country and my husbands mum (who i get on well with) doesn't live in the same city and is just starting a new job so won't be around. I dont have much experience at all with infants (!) so am not sure what to expect. We are moving flat a few weeks before the baby arrives so will be getting used to the new area. We are very excited about the new arrival - my only worry is that i might feel very alone for the first few weeks when my husband goes back to work (though i know i am lucky he can take 2 weeks off). Also, my mother had a long history of clinical depression (and PND), so this is something that worries me a little bit. Because of this, i feel that it would be a good thing if there was someone around for emotional support in the first few weeks - to help with the fatigue and emotional rollarcoaster which i hear other people talk about!

I'm not sure what the PN doula would do. My husband and sister think it is probably unnecessary; but i'm wondering if anyone else found it helpful / or not. Maybe the doula would just be in the way; sitting around a small flat with not a lot to do?! But then i think ; if it's not too expensive and i don't really need her - thats not a bad thing?

Is it excessive to consider a PN doula to help out with a first baby? Are there other things that i could do to prepare myself?

Thanks in advance for any advice

Hi JuneMammy, where do you live?
I would definitely recommend getting one. Lots of new mums have post natal doulas and i think they are a MUST for anyone.
they can help with breastfeeding, making sure you sleep and do chores around the house etc. you don't need one for a full day, just a couple of hours every day or every few days. whatever suits
why don't you get in touch with a few and just see what they have to offer
good luck honey

Many of my friends had maternity nurses (sound like a PN Doula) for a couple of weeks after the birth. I have to confess that for some of those it was very much "keeping up with the Joneses" and The Done Thing in their social circles, rather than the mat nurse providing anything additional.

However, for one couple who had no relatives in the country (a bit like you), she was a godsend as the mother had EMCS and an extra pair of hands to help with the baby was fantastic.

The only thing that puts me off is that the mat nurse's duties are entirely focused on the baby. So will do baby's laundry but not family, may, but more liklely not, prepare "light meals" for mother, but no more.

Money no object, I might go for assistance for a couple of weeks, but more like a housekeeper who would do the dull laundry, cleaning and cooking leaving me time to play with nurse my baby!

If your worry is about once DH goes back to work, perhaps you could go for a cleaner who could do some of the dull stuff. If you still needed assistance after the paternity leave, you could look at getting a mat nurse then rather than straight after birth.

Alternatively you could look at getting some help from home start, they aren't just there for people who are struggling massively with parenting, they can also help when you're new to an area, feeling isolated or lacking in support.

They would meet with you, assess your needs and match you up with a volunteer who would call round usually once a week (but maybe more initially if you needed that) who would be there to talk with you, let you get a shower or even have a nap if you're exhausted, help you do your food shopping or go to a doctors appointment perhaps, they generally do what you need help with on the day.

Obviously they won't do your housework like a cleaner that's not what they're there for but they're really good for support and it can be a massive help on a long lonely week with a young baby to know that someone will be coming round to ask you how you're feeling and give you a little break should you need it.

They can also introduce you to your local childrens centre services, tell you where your nearest surestart, baby or breastfeeding groups meet, and even accompany you along if you're feeling apprehensive. They were a godsend to me when my ds was a baby and I had depression.

blimey, I guess if you can afford it - though I would say my preference if I had the spare cash would be to get a cleaner so I could spend time bonding with the baby. I mean, what will you be doing while the doula is looking after the baby??

If you're worried you'll be lonely once your DH goes back to work I'd say get in touch with the local NCT - are you too far on to sign up for their antenatal classes? Or find out about local postnatal support groups/mum and baby groups etc, I think that would be much more valuable. After all, the doula won't be there to be your friend and will disappear once you've stopped paying her!

I know you might be scared that you don't have any experience with babies, but most new parents are the same and the best way to learn is to do it yourself and bond as a family. It's not rocket science, as long as baby is fed and cleaned you can't go far wrong!

I definitely recommend it. Had one after DS1 was born when DH went back to work (wasnt planning to but had difficult birth and DH had to go back to work when DS1 was only 1 and abit weeks old, family miles away and I couldnt move v much). She was great - helped me establish bfing, helped by holding/changing DS1 (he was a baby that needed holding 24/7) so I could have a quick sleep, grab some food or have a shower. Only used her for a couple of hours every couple of days for a couple of weeks but really helped me massively - and was nice to have some company and someone experienced to ask lots of my first time mum qs to.

Have just had baby, in almost exactly same situation as you. Moved from London to country, furst baby etc. She about to waske up so typing v fast.

IMO doula was brilliant for birth and she has been once since birth - she showed me how to bath baby and offered a shoulder and reassuring words. she will come again and I have a few more questions for her but tbh you get chukced in at deep end in looking after baby and you will find answers here on mn for most questions.

Get midwives to show you how to top and tail and bath baby. Also burp her.

Would spend cash on cleaner.

INVEST YOUR TIME NOW in learning about breastfeeding and sorting out who will show you how to get baby to latch on. This is what you need real life help with the most. BF clinics near you? List of helplinbe numbers? Midwife who might come top youi and show you how to latch? VITAL. (for me anyway you might be bottle feeding or just find it a doiddle but I doubt it.)

Also get on NCT classes if you can. Hvaing the NCT group has been a lifesaver, even if we are all just texting each other at the mo.

Then get a cleaner! No diss to my doula who is AMAZING and spent 36 hours at hospital with me during marathon birth a month early.

Good luck - it's a rollercoaster but amazing!

I can see why the poster who had a c-sec found it useful, it really would be in that situation but for a straightforward birth etc I'd think of millions of things I'd rather spend the money on!! Babies aren't that hard, I don't know where this obsession with having your Mum or anyone come to help has come from. I was a one parent with my eldest and it was fine. Last thing is have wanted was some stranger in my house when I might have wanted to take a nap or go out etc.
But, if that's what floats your boat and you cab afford it then go for it. I'd rather book a weekend away or buy a new postnatal wardrobe.

a doula doesn't look after the baby

she is there to "mother the mother" and to help with things like laundry etc so the mum can concentrate on the baby

a good one can also help get breastfeeding well established

why don't you have a chat with a couple and see how you feel?

there is a doula uk website

If i hadn't have been lucky enough to have plenty of support from family i would have done it

Personally I'd rather pay for more hours with my cleaner who will do the laundry and any other tasks around the house that I see fit, plus pop out for shopping if I need it.

I guess might be useful for a first baby if you have no idea what to do re: breastfeeding, bathing a baby etc.

PN doula will do everthing from breastfeeding support to cooking supper and helping with older children... i would interview a few local ones, bearing in mind trainees are cheaper too..

www.doula.org.uk

www.nurturingbirth.co.uk

I was in a similar situation to you for first birth and think a PN doula would have been an excellent idea. I'm planning to arrange a birth doula this time but probably not much PN help because my mother will come up and I know how to bf now. Also I'm much more settled in a well-set up home than last time in rented flat.

If you're planning to bf, then prioritize finding a doula who has plenty of experience supporting bf. The first weeks after birth are all about getting feeding going. Some areas of the country have good mw support for this, but lots don't.

Make sure you really do like the doula, though. I know one friendoffriend who had to dismiss a maternity nurse because she was way too controlling. A good doula or mat nurse wouldn't be, though.

I think some of the variety of opinion about whether this extra help is a good idea comes from the differences in babies. Some newborns are quite easy, sleeping most of the time. If you have one of those, you'll be able to shower and eat and rest and even put on the washing. But if you get a wakeful one, or god forbid a colicky one, then you'll want all the help you can get. Extra help reduces pressure on marriages, too.

Getting on local NCT classes or finding out about local NCT group essential. You need friends whose babies are same age as yours. Also friends with older babies are great.

Hi girls,

Thanks a lot for all the really helpful advice and tips .

Opinion seems quiet mixed on the subject but has given me lots to think about:

Pro PN Doula = 5
PN Doula prob not neccessary = 4
Depends = 3

JamesAndThe GiantBanana - thanks for the tip on Homestart. It sounds like a great organisation. I gave them a call and they dont have the resources to offer support in my new area (we just move last week), but they did give me details about an organisation called Homelink which i could contact if neccessary. Homestart did sound very helpful though.

Thanks also for all the tips re: NCT. We just had our intensive course this weekend and already there is talk of reunions and cake-eating activities - so hopefully i will establish some connections with other new mums there. Seems like a great resource.

Looking through some of the comments, it does seems like the PN Doula is particularly useful if you have any complications.. It also seems especially good for bf support (if the local bf support isn't great). Im not too worried about cleaning etc, that should be ok - but i would be quiet nervous about the bathing etc! Though i guess that's very natural and you get used to it quickly..

I was in touch with a new PN Doula who also trained as a midwife and does the NCT bf support class. Her rate is very good (£8 per hr - because she hasn't done the formal doula course and has not had any clients yet). She is also flexible, so i guess i could see how it goes and contact her if things get out of hand when DH goes back to work!! She sounds flexible.

Thanks again for all your advice - most helpful!

I definitely recommend it. We have no family here and before B. was born we decided not to bother with getting a postnatal doula... cue me frantically on the phone 2 days after B was born begging one to come to me! I ended up with two because I couldn't find one to look after me every day for a whole week but next time I'm going to get a private midwife from the very start so it will be different.

So yes - definitely get one and book her EARLY.