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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Very squeamish partner want to attend birth. Your experience and advise please!

28 replies

OneMoreOfUs · 26/04/2010 10:29

Hi, just looking for some storys really of how things can turn out. He cant stand the sight of blood and anything surgery related but wants to be there. There is no pressure from me and I don't mind if he leaves at any time but still though..
Should we let the midwife know in advance as to avoid invitations to see the "action" down there and to cut the cord for example?
Or just see how it goes, what do you think?

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JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 26/04/2010 10:34

Definitely give the midwife a heads up, I don't know whether it was squeamishness or whether he was just overwhelmed by it all but mine fainted as the baby shot out, and he was even down that end or seeing anything particularly. He just kind of swooned a bit, I squawked and the midwife had to rush to help him into a chair before he hit the floor.

This time round I'll be putting a note on my birth plan to have him sat in a chair towards the end, and fgs don't encourage him to see what's going on down the business end!

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 26/04/2010 10:36

Sorry, he wasn't even down that end or seeing anything particularly.

I have arranged with him that he can go out for fresh air or a fag if he needs one, must be extremely stressful for the partners, seeing us in pain.

reikizen · 26/04/2010 10:38

Oh yes, tell the mw he doesn't want to go down the business end if that's what he wants. To make you feel better, I have never had a dad faint even in theatre, although a few have felt woozy and had to sit down usually due to tiredness tbh.

notyummy · 26/04/2010 10:41

I think see how it goes - a lot of guys surprise themselves and get caught up in it and forget about the squeamishness. Depending on what happens, however, it may be impossible to escape the 'action' so to speak. My Dh had always said he would be there, but at my head - staying away from extreme close-ups of the babies head emerging etc! He was FANTASTIC throughout, and it was a bit tricky towards the end - however it got very graphic for him as I was cranked up to sitting nearly bolt upright for the doctor to do episistomy and consequently high forceps. Although he was standing at my head, because of the angle he saw it all fairly close up....

He also mentioned (and it is probably worth prepping your DP, as this is not often talked about) the smell. Not poo/wee but basically 'innards' and what he described as a 'butchers shop' (he used to work in one) smell in a hot room.

I know he found the last 30 minutes or so pretty traumatic tbh - and he remembers it more vividly than me. He still says he wouldn't have missed it though....and you may have a wonderful, chilled whale music style birth when most of what I have mentioned is not applicable. Forewarned is forearmed though!

Francagoestohollywood · 26/04/2010 10:45

I say see how it goes.
I dear friend of mine claims to be very squeamish, but managed to attend the births of his daughters. And was very happy about it. The doctors gave him a chair to sit down at some stage

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 26/04/2010 10:47

It is worth warning the midwives, I agree - and it is also worth telling your dh that the majority of the time, there is no gore to be seen, that is just at the end, and he doesn't have to see that bit - he can focus on you and see the baby when you do - as he or she is lifted onto your chest.

My dh was worried about being with me the first time I gave birth, because he said he wasn't even able to go into a hospital without passing out, but he managed just fine. I think it helps if they feel they have something positive to do, something they can focus on, like rubbing your back, wiping your forehead with a cool flannel etc. It might also be worth taking a couple of those hand-held fans, as the warmth in the room might make things worse for him.

Also, as notyummy said, he might well surprise himself and get caught up in it all - I think dh did - though he did go rather green when he had to support my leg whilst my episiotomy was being stitched - the midwife invited him to admire her handiwork and he didn't really enjoy that bit - but other than that he was fine.

Hollyoaks · 26/04/2010 10:48

My dh is extremely squeamish though he is getting better. When dd was born he was fine until I had to go on the monitor as dd was in distress. I was losing a little blood but I think it was more the sheer amount of people that entered the room which made him come over all faint and he had to be helped into a seat. I think he would have left at that point if my mother hadn't ran out, he felt he had to stay with me and he pulled himself round(though I didn't really know who was there at that point) and he's pleased he did as he watched dd being born and it didn't make him feel squeamish at all.

I think, just let him make his own mind up at the time. If it gets too much he can leave though he may be pleasantly surprised with himself. I know from my experience of watching birth and dh's its more the watching your loved on in pain which affects you rather than the blood. HTH's

wilbur · 26/04/2010 10:54

I have a v squeamish dh who attended all 3 of dc's births. Only bit he had to go out of the room for was when they put the spinal block in for EMCS with ds1. He stayed up at the head end throughout and politely declined a chance to view my innnards during the C-section . He was fine, although I think there were some scary moments for him - a canula came out of my hand during dd's vbac and we both got sprayed with blood. However, as notyummy says, they can also get quite caught up in the whole thing - dh even cut the cord after ds2's homebirth as it had been a very relaxed and special experience and I think he got a touch of the labour hormones (he did say afterwards that the actually cutting was rather more gristly than he was expecting ).

I would just say to your MW that he would prefer to just be at the head end throughout and prepare yourself for him to be a bit feeble and then if he's a star, it will come as a lovely surprise.

OmicronPersei8 · 26/04/2010 10:55

DH was not at the business end, didn't cut the cord etc (wrote it in the birth plan too). He did have to sit down when the placenta came out after I had DC2 though - a baby coming out your fanjo is one thing, a big liver-like lump is quite something else. With DC1 he held the baby (at the other end of the room) while I had stitches for a tear afterwards.

I wouldn't say DH is especially squeamish, he just didn't want to see those bits of it. He was a great support throughout. I would say that is wasn't the gory bits that were hardest, but the emotions in seeing me in labour that were hardest for him to deal with. After DC1 was born he did have to sit down and have a little cry: it is a lot to see your partner in pain, your baby born etc.

GoldenGreen · 26/04/2010 11:02

If it's possible for you/appeals to you, can I suggest asking for a water birth. It feels very private and if you are on all fours then he will just be supporting your arms and will see very little. The water will turn bloody at the end though but the baby should take his mind off that!

Original poster

OneMoreOfUs · 26/04/2010 13:53

Hi girls, thank you all for your replies! It seems possible to have him there so...

Just leave the woolly jumper behind, send him out for a fag to dampen his sense of smell and warn the midwife that he won't be of much assistance to her !

OP posts:

wilbur · 27/04/2010 11:51

Oh yes, Omicrom - the crying. Dh is def not a cryer but he wept for the time I was told I needed a c-section to the moment he held ds1 for the first time. Blubbery mess, bless him, but it was hard for him to see me in pain (plus I made a satisfying amount of noise which may have added to the drama ).

OneMore - I would also say pop a spare t-shirt for him in your hospital bag. A few hours of feeling nervous in a hot hospital room... well, you can imagine. If he's got a spare shirt he can have a quick wash and feel fresher to stay with you for a bit afterwards.

octopusinabox · 27/04/2010 19:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilRedWG · 27/04/2010 19:14

I have a friend who's husband actually had to leave an anti-natal class because of his squeamishness. A few hypnotherapy sessions later and he was fine at the birth.

mosschops30 · 27/04/2010 19:16

DH is very squeamish, cant even look at a needle without fainting (recovery position after having blood taken ...wimp )

However he has been fabulous both births and especially after the last horror fest when he watched my stomach rip open he stood on the phone to the ambulance service whilst saying to me 'you kow what darling it doesnt actually look that bad'

He will be fine Im sure, the adrenaline will take over

Soapsy · 27/04/2010 19:24

My DH nearly passed out at my scans in my first pregnancy, he is so squeamish! He's tried to give blood a couple of times, but they eventually told him never to come back they were so sick of scraping him off the floor.

He just stayed away from the business end when I gave birth, although right towards the end, the anticipation took over and he had quick peek, before rapidly moving away again.

More of an issue was that he found it so hard seeing me in pain and unable to do anything about it that it has taken nearly 5 years to get him to have a second. But, this time, no wooziness at scans, so hopefully he's getting over it all now.

Bumperliouzzzzzz · 27/04/2010 20:01

No advice as DH was fine, but I just have to say I don't blame him! Obviously we do the hard bit but I was just pleased I didn't have to see the business end! When they suggested I touch the baby's head when it was coming out I nearly vomited.

DoulaKate · 27/04/2010 20:59

Ha ha, I love some of those stories! Are you going to have another person with you at labour Onemoreofus? I found it really useful having my mum at one birth and my sister at the others. Although I had the opposite problem with my husband..I had 3 home births and my husband was so laid back about it all, he fell asleep on the bed on all 3 occasions (I labour quite quietly)! Although whilst in heavy labour I do remember hearing the midwife and my mum laughing a lot at one point....turns out my husband "fell out" of his boxers shorts while he was asleep on the bed!! Sorry, TMI! (He'd kill me if he knew I'd written this!!) At least it kept them amused.

Do recommend you have a back-up just incase your partner takes a turn for the worse. I've attended a few births where I've had to spend more time looking after the father than the mother! Keep him up with head end rather than the "business" end. There's a website which might help him in advance called dad.info. Might be worth him taking a look to gear him up beforehand?

jennifersofia · 27/04/2010 21:08

My one faints at the sight of blood, but somehow was fine for 3 homebirths (business end and all). Having said that, he said that he worked out it is at the sight of his blood that makes him faint, not mine

Carikube · 27/04/2010 21:20

DH is very squeamish and wasn't sure that he wanted to be at the birth of DD. We reached the compromise that he would stay for as long as he felt comfortable but could leave as soon as he wanted to. I wrote this in my birth plan so the midwives wouldn't pressurise him if he decided to leave - however he surprised us both by being an absolute star and sticking through to the end (though at no stage did he ever go down the business end ).

I think as long as your partner knows that he is not under any pressure then he will find it easier than you think....

OmicronPersei8 · 27/04/2010 21:33

Soapsy, my DH found it a little easier second time round - probably because I found it easier too (hurt less, over quicker etc). Good luck and hope it all goes well.

Wilbur - I was so caught up in it all I didn't really appreciate what an enormous event it was for DH until the tears.

Mosschops, your story still makes me shudder in horror. I hope everything's ok now.

Original poster

OneMoreOfUs · 27/04/2010 21:52

It's fun and reassuring to read your stories. It seems like no matter what happened your men where there for you in the end.
DoulaKate - thanks for the advise.
Was thinking of my sister originally but she is expecting her first as well so it wouldn't be good a idea to put her in a state of shock before its her turn

OP posts:

Highlander · 27/04/2010 22:21

You need to think about things like having venflons inserted etc - that would send Dh over.

When I had an amnio, I had to get off the bed so that the staff could get DH on it. He was fine with both CSs I had, he just turned away and looked at my head, then I sent him off for a jog around theatre with the baby.

He's a doctor, BTW......... (boy, that usually sends the midwives into hysterics when they learn that )

zazizoma · 27/04/2010 22:34

I also have a sweet and sensitive DP who faints in the presence of blood. He was present for the birth of both our dc equipped with a flask of brandy and rescue remedy. He was immensely helpful and I couldn't have imagined doing it without him. (Though he opted not to touch dd's caul.)

zazizoma · 27/04/2010 22:37

Actually, I seem to remember it was whisky.

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