Is this experience normal? Confused and upset.

[AKMD]

I had my first DC 7 weeks ago and am just starting to process what happened and getting quite upset. I was in hospital with pre-eclampsia for 4 days before a CTG trace showed decelerations and I was induced with a sweep and a pessary at 37+2 weeks. I had contractions immediately, getting steadily more intense as the day wore on and then another CTG trace 10 hours later showed more decelerations, so my waters were broken. I was instantly in agony and screaming for an epidural, which I eventually had 6 hours later. 4 hours after that the MW said I should start to push but my contractions stopped after 2 hours of pushing so DS was delivered by ventouse an hour later. He was a tiny baby - 5lb 2oz - with jaundice and too sleepy to BF. I fed him EBM with a syringe but his blood sugar levels were way down so ended up topping him up with formula (after being told by MW that I was starving him ). We were in hospital for 3 days on the normal antenatal ward and I spent every waking hour either feeding DS or trying to express enough colostrum for the next feed. It got to the point that I hadn't slept for 4 days, couldn't get up to get myself breakfast and collapsed with a blood sugar level of 2. After that was the first time that I received any help with DS, who had dropped to 4lb 14oz. We went home that evening.

Looking back on it, I am really surprised that no one ever explained to me what could have caused the decelerations (still don't know and I worry that there could be a problem with DS) and that I didn't have any help on the antenatal ward even though he was so tiny and I was clearly exhausted. Plenty of midwives and MCAs came in to check my blood pressure and saw me in tears and shaking uncontrollably, but not once was I asked if I was ok or offered any support. Apparently there is an antenatal ward at that hospital for mums with babies of low birth weight who need extra help, but I only found out about it afterwards. Is there any way of asking for a 'debrief' with my MW to find out what happened? Or is this a pretty standard experience?

It is more common than it should be .

I don't think that they will necessarily know what caused the decelerations. It often just means that the baby isn't coping well with the stress of labour.

The rest of it though, they should certainly explain. It is not the standard of care you should have - no one should walk out on a sobbing new mother on a post natal ward (do you mean antenatal, or post natal, or was it mixed) without asking if she's ok. Ask your midwife for a de-brief and they should set it up for you. After that, you can decide whether you are satisfied or may even want to put in a complaint.

That is not a standard experience at all. Not surprised you're upset by it. You have the right to a debrief with your mw - some hosptials have a specialist liaison midwife for this, others have your midwife or the senior midwife talk with you.

I used the liaison midwife debrief 2y after ds1's birth, and it was an excellent and healing experience, gave me confidence in the run-up to dd's birth.

You can also talk to the NCT, they have an experiences register and may be able to match you up with another mother who has gone through soemthig similar and has processed it. AIMS AIMS may also be helpful. I had a very good email conversation with them after ds2 was born. I didn't feel the need to take it any further, but they were veyr supportive and explained a lot to me.

My DD was born in 2003, natural not medicalised birth, I was moving around / upright (only "medication" was gas and air) and she got distressed. Some babies just don't cope with the contractions / pushing very well. She was born blue and not breathing and needed oxygen and resuc at birth. I don't think they'll be able to say what caused the declerations.

I lost a bit of blood (borderline PPH - around 500ml) but was ok after lying down for a couple of hours and eating - luckily they kept me on the labour ward for nearly 9 hours to monitor me before sending me to the post-natal ward.

They initially wanted to take her to the SCBU but decided she was ok. Luckily she fed ok and we got out the next day because I also got no sleep on the post natal ward and needed to be at home where I could both get the support and sleep I needed.

Althougn your experience on the post natal ward sounds dreadful I suspect its not that unusual and you should definately follow up with complaint letter to the hospital - if no reply with 3 weeks need to follow it up.

Thanks everyone. I will ask my HV about a debrief.

unfortunately I think it is normal. Its not right that this happended, but in todays busy labour wards, its sadly quite normal

No wonder you are a bit shell shocked, you have experienced

no sleep for 4 days
traumatic long birth
BF issues
The stress of baby not gaining weight
little to no medical support on the last issue

What makes me angry is how little care you got, how little care mothers get. after the trauma of childbirth, and an assisted delivery they act like you should just tough it up!

From what its worth I think the birth was stressful but standard. where I do think you have a case if the appalling after care, a real lack of care and concern.

Please do something so you can "complete" on this, and then try to move and and enjoy motherhood