How easy is it to cope with a toddler after a cs?

[negrilbaby]

DD is due early July when DS will be 2.5
DS was born by emergency cs and I am currently trying to decide on having an elective cs or vbac.
Can anyone advise how difficult/easy it is to manage a large 2 year old when recovering from a cs?
At the moment DS still sleeps in a cot (sides don't drop) and isn't potty trained. He is also quite clingy and likes to be carried a lot. He can be VERY fast on his feet when we are out - I certainly didn't run so much during my first pregnancy.
I did recover very well from my first cs.

How much help will you get after the cs?

I had a planned cs when DS was 22 months and had P at home for 2 weeks so I didn't have to do any lifting / changing of DS at in that time.

After that I had my mum round for most of the day mon-fri until 6 weeks post-op. When I didn't have any help in the house we just flopped on the sofa with cbeebies and I fed DD. We had the odd outing in the pushchair but I decided that I would rather be lazy for a few weeks until I had recovered properly.

Not sure how much help I'll have. MIL lives in France and my mum is housebound. DH will take a couple of weeks off.
What I am concerned about is DS feeling even more slighted (after the arrival of a rival) if I'm not able to give him the cuddles he usually gets.

I made sure I read DS his bedtime stories and sat with him at the table for meals, and there was a lot of quality time in front of cbeebies .

Something that I think helped was that when dd wasn't being fed / changed / cuddled she was usually in the playpen on her cosy baby mat. DS was able to charge around the house as normal without anyone hollering at him to be careful of the baby. She was in there until about 3 months old so by the time she was able to roll around on the rug DS was pretty bored with her. Maybe we were lucky but DS never showed any sibling rivalry at all and DD was never squashed or bashed.

I have a 2.3 year old and am 36 weeks so similar age gap. This baby is breech at the moment so c -section if can not be turned.

My DH gets 2 weeks paternity pay but has said he will have to take an extra 2 weeks holiday or unpaid leave after that if I have c-section.

DD is very clingy to me and also unlikely to want to watch cbeebies she is very active and we have not spent a day inside the house all day for over a year!! Am quite scared.

I have heard different reports on ability after c section.

One friend could not lift a kettle 2 weeks later to even make herself a drink. Another friend was up and about shopping on day 3 carrying her newborn, but not toddler.

I guess people do cope? My DD may have to just mellow, even if it means weeks of stropping and shouting for me but I know what you mean, am conscious of being there for her with the new arrival.

What I am trying to get my head around is whether I should really be trying for a natural birth. I have a meeting to discuss birth options next month but after the last labour I am terrified about going through it all again. I think I'm just looking for reassurance that it's manageable i.e. toddler and cs. DH will probably be able to take some additional time off and DS will be in nursery for 3 days a week.

One of my reasons for going for a VBAC was exactly the situation you describe. I was also told that there was no reason medically to have another Csection, which influenced my decision, but the worry about how I would look after my other two children was a big factor. I found it impossible to lift for quite a while (so lifting in and out of high chair/bath etc was out of the question).

Like you, I had no family around to help, and my DH was back at work within two days (this was before paternity leave)

the decision for a VBAC really worked for me, as I was home the next day and able to cope.

Negrilbaby - it is manageable. I have 3 boys, ds1 3yrs (csection due to failed induction), ds2 2yrs (emergency section after trying for VBAC, got to 7 cms, but he went into distress), ds3 1 yr (planned csection). when i had my 2nd son, my 1st was 15 months old, he was fantastic, before baby arrived i made sure he could climb onto the sofa using a couple of cushions, so he could clamber onto me for a cuddle without me lifting him, I made him a special big boys campbed on the floor of his bedroom, which he loved and napped on at naptime. Made the transition more fun for him. when my 3rd son was born my eldest was 2 1/2 and my 2nd son was 17 months old. Again forward planning made it so much easier for us all.
My husband was home for 3 weeks after the 2nd section 1 1/2 after the 3rd. The emergency section was my worst recovery, but i can remember sitting on the floor playing with my eldest days after the birth.

You will be fine and so will your son. Throughout his short life you have taught him so much and this experience is just the opportunity for him to learn some more. Learning patience and sharing his mommy are both valuable lessons in life, he will benefit from this expereince more than you realise. Just trying and get him to help if he wants as much as you can.

Enjoy every minute of it, and don't worry

My toddler was two and four months when I had my second c-section (did go for a v-bac and although I had another section in the end I am really glad I tried) Anyway it was obviously harder than the first time in some ways,that I did have to lift her sooner than I lifted anything the first time etc, but it wasn't really hard.She was old enough to be aware of my scar and did try to be careful.I also knew what to expect I suppose,which was helpful,it would have been harder to cope if it had been my first c-section I think.I did have Dh around though,so I had someone helping me.Try and prep your toddler as much as possible,even using a doll,and get in lots of nice books etc that you can read to him while recovering if you do end up with another section.I was up and about rather sooner than the first time and it was easier than I expected in all.

I think a lot of it also comes down to "needs must". I had a normal delivery with my first child but second one turned out to be a crash section. He was then in special care for two weeks but even though I was in hospital I was in a wee side room and had to walk 3 long corridors to get to special care then along 2 more before I could feed him. My 2 yr old visited two hours a day and I was lifting her as I was heartbroken as it was and could not deal with her upset from mummy not lifting her as I had been.

When I came home after 2 wks I was pretty much doing everything I would have normally, DH wouldn't let me hoover etc but childcare wise I was feeding my newborn at the wee toddler table where my DD was painting etc.

I am now having an elective section in two weeks time and although I worry my memories of recovery are a bit rosy I then think back to my first delivery that was a forceps and I was terrified of going to the toilet for the first 6wks and had to have 3 baths a day to help with the pain from that.

Good luck, give the VBAC vs section some good thought and then once your mind is made up focus on that

Many thanks for all these answers and good wishes.
I do have a lot of thinking to get my head around.
I will definitely try to spend more time with DS preparing him. He can now get into the car seat on his own - when he doesn't throw himself into the drivers seat (we have come to an agreement that he can drive when his legs can reach the pedals - although this may be a problem in a couple of years time )
I like the idea of the big boy's campbed for nap time - will give that a go soon. I don't really want to move him into a bed yet - he sleeps really well at the moment and not sure that would be the case if he could wander around.

DH took holiday leave on top of his pat leave so I had support for 4 weeks. DS1 was also in nursery for 3 mornings a week.

I had no probs lifting DS1 (he was 2) after a couple of days and actually walked out of the hospital after 48hrs carrying DS2 in his car seat.

I was driving after 2 weeks and was walking everywhere as normal after 3.

I never felt 'weak' across my wound. With both sections it was twisting movements that really nipped (rolling over in bed). Walking/lifting etc were never a prob.

With driving the GP told me to practice the emergency stop movements in the car in the drive. It was pain-free at 2 weeks.

My main reason for trying a VBAC was I was worried about looking after DD1 (aged 2, but I ended up with a EMCS anyway (VBAC not a negative experience by the way - glad I tried). I had support for two and a half weeks from DH, then was completely on my own with very spirited DD1 and DD2. I didn't find it a prolem lifting and was driving again after three weeks. I used reins a bit more often when out and about when I wasn't so fast as DD1 was a bolter. Was walking fair distances with double buggy after 2 weeks.

I had my second section 6 days ago I also have a 15 month old son. I can lift him without pain but only do it if absolutely necessary. Like highander I much more concious of twisting discomfort. I am at home alone with the two already as DH taking alternate days off to make leave last longer