Fed up, scared, worried and confused!

[holytoast]

Hi all,
I am 38 weeks pregnant, an up until a week ago everything wa hunky dory, finished work, and after a lot of back and forth to the midwives had my homebirth booked in (problems getting it due to past medical history of fits). Our birth pool arrived, (poh heated one so I could relax in it prior to the birth) and the midwife was coming round for the homebirth talk. All god, felt fantastic.

Week later -

Midwife, who I hadn't met until then turns out to be a bit of a cow, and rubs me up the wrong way totally.

Found out the baby is breech - and becoming more and more uncomfortable as it grows, this week, hardy any sleep for either me or DH, due to me being woken up by really hard kicks/headbutts to ribs.

Protein in my urine - up to three plus, but sometimes only trace.

Slightly raised blood pressure

One failed ECV, was planning on another and some moxibustion, but was meant to happen last night and I got sent up to the ward to sit around waiting for blood results by the midwife because of slightly raised bloood pressure again, so didn't get home till 10 and missed appointment.

Oh, and Strep B now.

Its all just going wrong - the bp and protein just seem to hover around the 'worrying' level, I feel fine - tip top in fact, but have had to go back and forth to the hospital so much I have had enough. No-one seems to be able to say what the deal is with the bp etc, but they just keep telling me to watch out for preeclampsia.

Even if the baby does turn, I am really scared now of having a birth in the hospital, which is I think what would happen with all this, as what with the strep etc, the chances of staying at home, even at the start of labour, if my waters go, are tiny. I wasn't scared of labour, if It was going to be at home, or even if I knew I had the chance of being at home - I have now spent so much time listening to women in labour whilst sat on th ward that I am really scared of having to give birth there.

I don't know if I should bother with another ECV (and moxibustion) or just resign myself to the fact I am having the section - booked for the 20th - as then at least I can just prepare myself for it and hopefully feel ok about it - so, so, scared though - but equally scared that I turn the baby, and then end up with waiting around for weeks, with the bp and protein thing hanging over me, and have to be induced or suddenly getting really ill, and all that entails - being sat in hospital, strapped to monitors etc - and I might then end up with worse than a c section!

Just want this baby here now, totally fed up. feel like a total failure for not being able to manage to get through these last few weeks, and keep getting upset about my lost hb, and the fact that with all this, any other pregnancies are probably not going to be hb either - and cant stop bursting into tears as soon as I think about any of it.

Going to the Day assessment unit later, so hopefully now will get some order to it all, with them looking after me, but my brain is just a total mess! I have so much to do before this baby gets here, and just cant think about any of it, my brain is fried! Any advice, experiences apreciated (in fact, anyone that has read so far wihout being very bored would be enough, thanks)

well, I would definitely not give up on a homebirth just yet!

Go for another ECV, you never know, and if you don't you might regret it.

I'm not surprised your blood pressure is a bit high with all this sudden stress.

And apparently strep B can be high risk or low risk, so you might want to ask them to clarify exactly what the risks are.

how far away from the hospital are you? My DH and I were talking about emergency procedures last night, and came to the conclusion that even in hospital, the emergency team are not sat around, scrubbed up waiting to go. And midwives are trained to see signs of danger in advance, so you might get treatment just as quickly with one to one care on a home birth, transferring in if need be as you would with midwives who are caring for other women at the same time in hospital.

anyway, theres my thoughts on it all! I am also planning a homebirth, did last time too and went through a whole load of stress at the end of the pregnancy, and ended up getting my home birth, only to transfer in because it took so bloody long to dilate!

Well feeling a failure is daft. Your hormones are ganging up on you, that's all. I never even considered home birth because I'm too much of a coward.

I'd stop worrying about that because these things have a habit of being eventually outside your control. Get on with "all the things you need to do" instead. Being upset will just put your blood pressure up.

Can you keep pushing for a home birth? Are you close to the maternity unit if you try for home birth and then need some help?

And the benefits of hospital birth - if you have to settle for that - are that you'll get a nicer midwife, everything you'll need will be right there if you need it and someone else gets to do the clearing up. It isn't always bad. My hospital birth was lovely and the mw team were brilliant. I stopped being scared the moment I met them.

But I hope you get the homebirth you want.

Is it your first baby?

Tell them you are having a Breech VB. That way they'll ensure that you get access to a much more experienced and sensible MW. You can then talk through things with them and she should be supportive and unbiased and make sure you are properly informed whatever you choose.

Poor you! No advice but some support. Hope it works out. Like angrywasps advice. Really think it would be good to change midwives if you can.

Oh dear...

re: breech: firstly baby might turn - ECV might work (according to Ina May gaskin's book the more relaxed you are during it the better the chances), no doubt you are doing all the spinning babies stuff too.

I agree with angry wasps comments - ask for appointment with experienced midwife to discuss breech VB (they are more likely to agree if you have already had a VB).

re: protein/blood pressure - i guess not much you can do but relax, also drink lots water as i had infection late in DS's pregnancy thst caused both protein and higher blood pressure and lots of water could help if it was that.

re: strep b - how did you find out? i think that will make homebirth more difficult as they will want you to take antibiotics in labour.

Thanks everyone - saw the day assessment unit yesterday, which was much better than seeing my community midwife - you're right, kathy, the hospital midwives are much nicer - why is that? not the first person to say it either. My community mdwife is fine, she is very experienced and keep on homebirths apparently, but theres just something about her that gets me, don't know why...the first conversation she had with me was about parking in my street, and how she didn't want to get a fine, attending the birth.

They basiclly said that they will keep monitoring my bp and urine every couple of days, and keep taking bloods (I'll have none left!) and they actually sat down and explained the blood results, rather than just saying they were clear. apparently none of the result on their own are worrying, its just that I have a few of them, protein, slightly raised bp etc.

so just have to keep watching for the symptoms, which is scary, but trying to relax, do all the stuff I need to do to prepare for baby, and at the moment I have to resign myself to a c sect in 10 days! which is exciting, as well as very, very scary.

As for turning baby, I have had moxibustion and am going to keep doing it as the baby ges crazy when I do - another ecv,and we shall see - like nubbins said, I might regret not giving the baby every chance to turn - however, if it does, there then opens another can of worms....highish blood pressure etc, plus group b strep, plus they are all twitchy about home birth because of my history anyway...aaargh! I am more scared now I think of all the unknowns if the baby does turn! They have mentioned antibiotics, but nothing for certain, I think there is a whole flow chart of risk factors that they have to take into account - however they did say they are not that concerned, I am only carrying it at the moment, not an active infection.

but no point thinking about that until it happens, the baby will decide methinks, just need to let it do its thing.

Thanks for all the advice - its just that this is my first baby - they haven't given me the choice of VB with the breech, and I want more children, so worry about the effects of c section, group b, all the blood pressure stuff, on another pregnancy - mad I know!

I do think its crazy when we spend all our lives being these in control, sorted people who run businesses and have teams of people doing what we tell them - when it comes to this, it all is down to one tiny peson making all the decsisions - or at least thats how it feels....I am such a control freak...so its all muy own fault getting all worked up about everything..