OK Tutti Frutti, I'll try to keep it brief and not too bitter!
DD1 13 years ago: Was induced at 41 + 3, and again at 41 + 5. By that stage I was convinced that there was no baby there and that I was the victim of some cruel hoax. I was just so desperate for this baby to come I went along with everything blindly. I just wish I had known more about induction and the percentage that end up in c-section. I wish someone had told me that it wasn't a problem being late, and that because she had been breech until 39 weeks, it often takes a couple of weeks to get in the right position. I don't think she was ready to come out, and her head never got properly engaged. I also did was I was told without question through out the labour - drip, OK, break waters, alright, have epidural because we are going to up the drip speed - whatever you say. Clip on the baby's head and a dozen med students to watch - no problem. I was induced on Weds and Fri, eventually got to 10cms dilated by early hours of Sunday, utterly miserable and exhausted, forceps and ventouse by mid morning Sunday, gave into C-section shortly after. Blood transfusion on Monday, first comment that I was lucky having "the easy way out" by the Tuesday, and nearly a week until I was well enough to go home. Reason for c-section "failure to progress". I hate that word failure.
DS1 10 years ago: 41 weeks, but went into spontaneous labour this time. I remember very little about this birth, for reasons I am not too sure about. Probably went into hospital too soon, but after c-section they scare you witless about possibility of scar rupture. Refused epidural, like I had refused induction, so I was learning. Was coping well on gas and air, even though it was a back to back presentation, but did have pethidine which may be why I don't remember so much. Another long labour, and after 24 hours with a long latent phase when I was told I wasn't really in labour but it sure hurt like it, I was knackered again. Reached 9.5 cms dilated and midwife told me to push even though I had no urge to do so and was not fully dilated. Don't understand that. At this point the baby became distressed and it was suddenly an emergency and I was in theatre and under a GA before I knew what was happening. I didn't come round until DS was about an hour old, had his first bath, and was in a baby gro. I couldn't accept he was mine, even though he looked so like my brother I knew he must be really. I wouldn't hold him or feed him until I overhead the midwives planning to give him a bottle, and then I gave in. It took me weeks to love him though, and I really resent the fact that he was cleaned and dressed before I had even seen him.
DD2 8 years ago: Definitely conceived partly from a desire to have another go at a proper birth. My GP referred me to a psychologist because of my refusal to have an elective c-section. Psychologist was great and wrote to the GP to say that I was taking a perfectly rational decision. This one should have been the success - actually went into labour on my due date to my great surprise. Again, I was expecting long and slow like the other two, but she was in a hurry. Woke up with first pain at around 5a.m., had to wake the neighbour up to sit with the older two as I wasn't expecting to need care arranged for at least another week! Was fully dilated by the time we reached hospital at around 6a.m. This was great and I was really optimistic - fast and painful but so much more bearable than slow and painful. I was involuntarily pushing in the lift outside the maternity unit. However, the moment we reached the labour ward things went down hill. Firstly I was shouted at by a MW when I declined her request to climb up onto a couch to be examined, and that really upset me. Luckily someone replaced her who was willing to kneel down to examine me, and then all hell was let lose. The baby's cord was presenting ahead of her and at every contraction it was being crushed and no O2 was getting to the baby. Once more it was action stations and before I knew it I was thrown on a trolley on my way to theatre. One thing I was grateful for was that because I was screaming that I didn't want a GA (loud and repeatedly according to my DH) a wonderful anaesthetist actually climbed onto the trolley with me as it was being pushed along and got some sort of spinal block into me. DD2 was born by c-section about 10 mins later, within 30 mins of us arriving at hospital. She was fine, despite the panic, and roared the moment she was pulled into the world. Unfortunately the block I had wore off shortly afterwards and I was in the most agonising pain from then on. DH had to rush home to relieve the neighbour with the kids so I was left on my own in the most incredible agony. I'm not sure who screamed more, myself or DD. I still shudder when I think of that pain, as I was so hysterical that all the opiates they pumped into me didn't seem to work for hours.
So - there you have it. An A-Z of every way not to have a baby! If I was 5 years younger I think I would definitely have one more go . . . .