Hospital birth but PETRIFIED of hospitals. I am so scared :-(

[AnAngelWithin]

I have never liked hospitals. DS1 was horrid birth, lots of blood, drips, cuts, stitches, horrid midwives, even a traumatic bedbath after the birth sticks with me

DD1 was early, so HAD to go to hospital. Birth was ok, but very long and was stuck on a bed on a monitor for hours on end and got 'forgotten about' Labour was long due to being stuck there I think.

SO...ds1, decided I couldn't go through with another trauma of hospital. Opted for a home birth. Total dream. 4 hours, done with!

dd2, homebirth again, a bit long but all fine and relaxed and loved being at home!

BUT I have been told this time that I can't have a HB due to risk of haemorrhaging. The risk has always been there as I haemorrghaged badly after my first birth anyway. But they are saying that this time, its an increased risk with it being #5 birth. I am due in just over 8 weeks now. I saw the consultant the other week who said he would EXPECT me to have a hospital birth. I then spoke to my MW last week (she attended both my HB) and she said that she wouldn't be very happy with me having a HB after reading what the consultant wrote. (whereas prior to that she asked if i was going to opt for another HB I live about 12 miles from the hospital.

I am getting myself into more and more of a state really thinking about it. I really really don't want to go to hospital. I feel really sick thinking about it. Even DH said eh would rather me have a HB cos he said he has seen 2 different sides to me having had hospital and homebirths. I don't know what to do as I know the more I worry about it, the more stressed I will get and probably in turn make the birth worse again, but I can't help it I don't expect anyone can even help really, not sure why I am posting this in a way but at the same time, needed to get it off my chest.

Am sorry that you are feeling so

You DO get to choose where you have your baby - a consultant does not get to 'tell' you. Instead, you have their opinion and advise so that you can make an informed decision about where you feel most safe. It might help to speak to AIMS about your choices.

The NHS has a duty to attend you at home if that is what you choose.

I can't really offer you any advice but really feel for you. As long as you are sure you understand the risks and have researched it, there's no reason you can't have your homebirth even if the consultant doesn't agree........you are entitled to give birth wherever you like. If you are sure you want to persue it you can get in touch with a Supervisor of Midwives at the hospital and make your intentions clear.......she will probably want to put in writing to you that you would be birthing at home against medical advice, and that you have had the risks explained to you (they do this so that you can't sue them if anything goes wrong!)

I also had a PPH (1.5 litres lost) after the birth of DD2 (I had wanted a home birth but my BP went up in the week before labour so we decided hospital was safest). I'm so glad I was in hospital when it happened.......can't shake the thought that if I'd been at home and haemorraged like that I may have not got to hospital quickly enough (approx 4 miles away) and could have left my 2 girls without a mummy. For that reason I would never consider a home birth if we have any more babies.

It's horrible that in the UK so many women are 'told' what they are and aren't allowed to do. I found this out recently when I was trying to book a HB, and had to go through the supervisor of midwives to get listened to. Consultants can advise you, and present you with all of the information, but it's up to YOU what you do. I think that as long as you've done your research, and you're making an informed decision, then they should respect the choices you've made.

I contacted the AIMS website, and a local HB group in my area, where the support has been great. I'd recommend that you contact AIMS, or try and get in touch with a HB group in your area (I found the one where I am after contacting an independent midwife who put me in touch with them)

Hope that that helps

I am less than keen on hospitals too. My first 2 births were nothing like as awful as your experience but I am still dreading the thought of ending up there again.

You can insist on a homebirth if you feel comfortable digging your heels in. But if not then try and talk things through with your hubby and write a list of the things you felt went wrong, and what you could do this time to prevent them happening again.

Obviously some things may be out of your control, but if you have a plan of how to deal with them then it might not be so bad. My DH has a mental list of things to do and not do. Things like, talking me out of having pethidine or an epidural and making sure I don't dehydrate again.

This time my birth plan will have a totally different focus to the dreamy idealistic nature of my first one!

by the way I am due in 8 weeks too, and am getting very nervous and stressed and I don't know where I am giving birth yet either.

Put the onus back on the obstetricians and midwives.

irregardless of perceived risk based on past births, every pregnancy and labour is different. they know this.

they are totally aware of your perceived risk of pph. then ask them what are the contingency plans for pph at a home birth.

any home birth can result in pph so there must be one, the home birth team has have training to deal with pph at any time.

in the meantime, the distance to a hospital is irrelevant.

where is the nearest ambulance station in relation to your house? how fast can it cover the 12 miles to hospital? that is more relevant, imo.

because they 'expect' you to does not mean you have to follow their expectations. they are bullying you with their authority.

Did you have PPH for dcs 2,3 and 4? If it was just for dc1 then it could well have been caused by the circumstances of that birth.

Sideways episiotomies, instrumental deliveries, long labour, augmented labour, first baby, large baby, raised temperature in labour - those are all things that can increase the risk of PPH. Do any of them sound like likely candidates for your first PPH?

If so, and if 2nd, 3rd and 4th births did not have PPH, then you could assume that your general susceptibility is in fact low.

Um, hope that made sense...

gosh sorry i fell asleep then FIL turned up!

smilehomebirth, no didn't have any PPH for dc 2, 3 or 4. Yes i had episiotomy and ventouse with ds1!

foxy, nearest ambulance stations is about 5 miles away (if that) and they would take me to the next biggest hospital which is about 12 miles from me.

Nubbins I feel your pain too

Whats AIMS?

Heth I know what you mean, all the what ifs, thats what i was worried about with the 2 HB, but its always been a risk i have accepted. I still accept its a risk. But at the same time, I would never forgive myself if something bad happened. I can't win.

Angel, take a look at this.

In March 2002 the British Journal of Obstetrics and Gynaecology published a new study of grand multiparae (women with five or more previous pregnancies) in the UK. The authors concluded that:

"In a developed country with satisfactory health care conditions, grandmultiparity should not be considered dangerous, and risk assessment should be based on past and present history and not simply on the basis of parity"

AIMS

Did you see what the homebirth reference site had to say on the subject of PPH?

I had my baby in a hospital. The midwives were so lovely with me. I cannot praise them enough. Not every birth in a hospital is a nightmare.

My experience was a very positive one.
Good luck xx

thanks for the links carmen and smile, i have bookmarked them to show DH

Lac I know, but the 2 i've had in hospital haven't been the best and being petrified of the place in the first place doesn't help. Glad you had a good experience though.