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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

First pregnancy, thinking of hiring a birth doula, thoughts?

19 replies

RunningGuerita · 22/03/2010 16:26

Hi there,

I know there have been threads on this in the past, I just looked through the archive but I wanted some more opinions.

Am 14 weeks with my first and am wondering about using a birth doula. My DH is incredibly supportive and lovely but he's not great with gore and gets upset to see me in pain. Though I am sure he will rise to the occasion, I worry that he will be a bit clueless and perhaps not assertive enough in looking out for me. That's probably unfair of me to think this, but he's never been through this and while he will attend antenatal classes, etc. he won't spend the next six months educating himself and preparing for childbirth.

What are you thoughts? I live in central London, SW11 and am giving birth at St Thomas'. Any doula recommendations welcome. I have seen the doula.org.uk website.

Thanks, G-

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teasle · 22/03/2010 16:30

I had the exact same concerns about my DH.

He was present at all 3 births, as were the midwives, who were fanytastic, can't see how someone else being there would help, he hAD to step up to the mark, just as I had to step up to the mark and endure the birthing process...I guess it's up to you, but I didn't see the point myself, but then we are probably from very different backgrounds etc, so in the end it is up to you.

Congrats on your pregnancy byw!.

teasle · 22/03/2010 16:31

at midwives being fanytastic..I meant fantastic obviously...

Original poster

RunningGuerita · 22/03/2010 17:11

Thanks teasle.

I guess from what I have heard of St Thomas and all of the busy city centre hospitals, it is a bit hit and miss with midwives and they are incredibly stretched. And if your labour drags out you have shift changes, I worry that can feel a bit disruptive.

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smilehomebirth · 22/03/2010 17:30

Never had one myself, but from what I've heard and from your description of your situation, a doula would be a great idea. There's lots of evidence that just having someone who knows how to support a woman in labour with you the whole way through can drastically reduce your chances of having a CS and PND etc etc.

Have you considered going on a Hypnobirthing course with you DH? That could really help him to learn ways to assist you in labour.

nubbins · 22/03/2010 18:35

I would recomend it, we are hiring a doula this time around, more for help with kids than anything. But I would certainly have benefitted from a doula in my previous births, even though my DH was amazing, the first time around he didn't know what was normal.

I think it is also nice for your DH to be able to focus on the baby when it arrives, and the doula can make sure you are getting the care you need.

We are looking on it as insurance, it's nice to know extra help is at hand even if you don't need it on the day.

Bexybear · 22/03/2010 19:53

teasle its great to hear positive birth stories with good midwife care but ds was induced in a london hospital and it was a horrific experience made far worse by terrible midwife care (im still in counselling!). both me and DH were traumatised and with the best will in the world and all the antinatal classes, he had no idea how to support me or what kind to support I should have been getting. We were too late to book a doula that time... this time it was a priority, we've both met her and she is wonderful.

Runningguerita hope this doesnt sound like another scary birth story rant. Im sure yours will be fine. what i think i was trying to say, and agree with nubbins point, is you can never have too many good birth support partners (they can always make tea or be elsewhere if you need space) but you can definitely have too few.

makemineaginandtonic · 22/03/2010 19:59

I had a doula because my husband was very nervous about birth. He was very worried something would go wrong and he favoured a "medicalised" birth whereas I wanted the least intervention possible. I was forced to have a csection with our first baby as I had placenta praevia but was determined to have a vbac. Anyway, the doula was great because a) she knew the hospital and the people there and b)she gave my husband the option to be there or not. In the end he hid behind a curtain while I pushed the baby out and everything was fine. However, when I was labouring and off with the fairies I knew the doula was there talking my case for me which I don't think my husband would have been (he wanted me to have a section).

The only advice I would give is to trust your own instinct about what you want to do. For example, the doula came to our house in the early stages and we were watching a carry on film on tv. She said to turn it off and for husband to go to bed. In hindsight it would have been much better to watch the film and have the contractions with a distraction and the husband on hand and it might havemade him feel a bit more confident.

I had my last baby at Kingston hosptial.

teasle · 23/03/2010 08:52

Bexy- sounds like you had an awful time.

You are absolutely right, and I agree I had very positive experiences of hospital and midwife care- I don't live in a big city, I think there were only 5 other woman in at the same time as me with DC3.

Good RunningGuerita with whatever you decide to do, you are the only one who knows your situation and your DH!

Original poster

RunningGuerita · 23/03/2010 10:15

Thanks very much for sharing your experiences. I discussed it with DH last night and since he's never heard of them and none of our friends have had a birth doula (that they mentioned at the time), it's all new to him. He wasn't against it, just thought it might be overkill but he's used to me by now liking to be organised

So it's out on the table and we're going to mull it over and talk to some more friends.

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ZombiePlanB · 23/03/2010 20:49

I'd also recommend doing a Hypnobirthing course if you can, that's really good at making your dp as part of the process. Plus it really helps with the birth. I had E-CS but it was 100% not stressful at all, and that was down to the HB course.

angfirsttimer · 23/03/2010 21:18

i can definately recommend a doula. i booked one as had exactly he same concerns as you about DH and busy hospital midwives.
i had my ds 10 days ago and planned an 'active' 'natural' hospital birth. it all went a bit pear shaped and ended up with a c-section but my DH and I could not have coped without our doula. she was an amazing calming influence and helped me to make decisions without making it feel like she was telling me what to do.
having a doula also meant that in early labour i had someone to support me and i was able to let DH have some sleep so he would be more use later.
i can also say that just knowing that i was going to have her support at the birth made me more relaxed about the whole process during pregnancy she was worth the money for my peace of mind well before the birth.

hope this helps

Lac365 · 23/03/2010 22:03

I also had a doula present at birth. To be truthful next time I think I would like to be alone, that is just me and the midwifes.

I found it really irritating having her whisper in my ear. It was a distraction and it felt like I had to use some of my precious engry in directing her.

She was good for liasing with health profesionals and family.

yetanothernickname · 23/03/2010 22:05

If you have a good enough midwife for the medical side, and a husband for your emotional support (hold your hande during labour etc) then I don't see you benefiting massively from a doula.
I have a doula because I had absolutely no one to come and be with me during labour.

hellymelly · 23/03/2010 22:07

My doula was brilliant and she didn't whisper in my ear thank God ,she is London based and very experienced,her name is Liliana Lammers.I really appreciated having her ,partly as I was in labour at night and dh had to stay home with dd,but I wish we had had her for my first too.I had two c-sections but I still think that a doula was really helpful.

daxibaby · 24/03/2010 09:54

i had an amazing doula and want to go on and have many more babies and have her at each birth with me.
get a doula - they are incredibly calming and that extra support just means the world during this time.
my one was sunshine doula dot co dot uk

Original poster

RunningGuerita · 24/03/2010 13:55

Thanks very much ladies. Very useful to hear of not so good experiences with a doula as well as the good ones. I know that St Thomas' midwives are super stretched and think it would be nice to know going in that you'll have some continuity.

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Vistana · 25/03/2010 14:21

I have just booked a doula for my birth, I looked at a few and found one, who I met and felt very comfortable with.
For me a doula means support throughout the labour (not just after 4cm) once I call her. She does holistic therapies which I am planning on using as I am a holistic therapist and some studies have shown the reduction of pain and need of pain relief. (Plus I hate people attempting to massage me when they have no clue! So its 2 professionals in one.)
But the major reason for me is if things go wrong my doula can buy me time to comtemplate things and explain the options to me as there are options at times and they just don't always seem to give all the information and I am very concerned about getting PTS.

Candyorchard · 25/03/2010 15:09

Hi there,

Just to say that I also gave birth in St Thomas' birthing centre (two years ago, admittedly) and found it to be a positive experience - yes, the midwives are busy but I was never left alone, felt they listened to my questions and concerns and I didn't feel that they were so stretched that they weren't paying proper attention to me. I had the pool at first and was properly supported throughout my 2 hour pushing stage, including encouragement to change position, try new things etc. Also had the same midwife all through - she stayed on after her shift to stitch my tear, bless her heart. Wish I were giving birth there this time, but now I'm in proper suburbia and miles away.

Obviously, mine is one positive story and there will be many others which aren't so good, but I guess I'm saying please don't write the experience or the hospital off just because it's inner London and super-busy. Every birth and every midwife is different.

(Plus I had a kick-ass view of Parliament from my window!)

Original poster

RunningGuerita · 29/03/2010 12:54

Thanks Candyorchard. It is good to hear of positive birth stories at Tommies.

I certainly haven't written the hospital or the midwives off, I am just adjusting my expectations and hoping to be pleasantly surprised. One of my good friends gave birth there 2 months ago and was frustrated by the change of midwife halfway through her labour, felt like she didn't have a chance to establish trust with the new one, couldn't understand her, etc. That is why I wonder if a doula, who would be a constant presence, would be a good thing.

Still mulling things over!

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