Where to leave kids in labour, no family near?

[justanuthermanicmumsday]

hi,

i'm worried about where to give birth. me and husband moved to new town. hubby has cousin here, so she could care for my kids whilst in labour. but if i go into labour at night then i may have a problem. she has a large brood of her own, i can't expect her to leave her kids in dead of night and come look after mine. she has older kids so she could but i feel bad asking.

So did any of you mothers here have similar issues if so what did you do?

i'm thinking alternative home birth if things straight forward.

or i could go back home to mums, but then you can't time these things id have to take my son with me, he may lose nursery spot if he's away too long.

What should i do?

dmy parents are abroad and are arrive the day after my EDD but if its before then my MIL lives 30 mins away so will have to ask her - although if go into labour early evening will get her to take kids to hers so its easier for her.

is your child at nursery school and if so are there teachers you could ask to be on standby?

or do you have a regular babysitter who could be on standby?

are any of the older cousins old enough to come and stay at yours overnight?

how long would it take your mum to get to yours, or you to get to hers?

could your dh take your son to the cousins house during the night - thats probably least of an ask for her... and if you go into labour early evening you can put him to bed there.

or as you say could plan homebirth but even then need contingency incase you need to go to hospital...

"or as you say could plan homebirth but even then need contingency incase you need to go to hospital..."

Any chance of hiring a doula with the homebirth - that way if you needed to go to hospital at least you could be accompanied by a friendly face, even if your husband had to be away for a while hunting for a babysitter. Of course you'd be accompanied by the midwifes who came out to your house, but you might not get the chance to know them so well, in fact they might be complete strangers on the night.

I was in a similar situation, all family lives abroad.
what we did was making a list of friends and neighbours who could take dc2 in when labour starts. we had all the phone numbers ready and on a handout to all the persons in questions together with a timetable (what snacks, when bedtime etc.). dc spent a lovely day with my friend while dh held my hand during a painful but quick labour. 3 months on dc still talks about the great adventures he had with my dear friend. I can*t thank her enough for getting up in the middle of the night.

i dont know the neighbours well enough, my husband has met one of the neighbours quite a lot, theyd prob say yes. but my daughter would be in a fit, she is so clingy. only person she would stay with is my parents or my sister in law.

my parents are a 5 hour drive away, thats if there are no traffic problems. my mother couldn't come she's got an autoimmune disease so the slightest cold can lead to hospitalisation.

i never thght of teachers. but they wouldnt be there if labour was a night you see.

i am considering homebirth, seems best option. only reason i didnt want one was because i want time out. i know if im at home cultural expectations i will be expected to be back in kitchen soon after birth. whereas in hospital i know ill get few days rest, even if i dont like the hygiene standards or food.

that said i may have to opt for homebirth. how much do doulas cost on average, im wondering if they are out of my budget, any ideas?

Thank you for all your input appreciated

How about finding out about local Childminders in your area. Some do overnight and emergency care so it wouldn't be a problem for them. By finding one sooner rather than later you can help your children get familiar with her.

If the teachers don't have their own kids might be happy to be on-call during night although you'd have to pay them.

I agree with Cat64 - neigbours or your hubby's cousin will be happy to help.

BTW even with a hospital birth likely to get discharged within 6 hours so no rest there either.

6 hours really? well i'm in edinburgh so if anyone knows rules for infirmary or st johns please do tell me.

i was in warwickshire before. they kept me in for 3 days. but thts because i didnt urge them to let me go home. so they took their time doing hearing tests, hip tests etc on the baby.

thanks again!

St johns can do a 6 hour discharge if everything si okay but if the baby si nto feeding well or there is some problem with either they would want you to stay in, I'm having the same issue I want a home birth am in west lothian but my midwife is saying as i just moved house is a ibt much adn what if I crash whatever that means I thinks she was alluding to pph. But as I have no extra risk of this or anything I am going to push for a home birth, but still if I need to get tranferred I will want dh with me so my kids will have to go to people for a while, and also if it happens when they are awake and want their mum it may be hard to cope at home. I have people but i worry how they my baby will cope. but also if you have the baby at night at st johns like i had dd they don't let you out 6 hours later exactly you have to wait untill the morning and after they get round to doing your paperwork, so is only really 6 hours if you have it at a reasonable time during the day

there are nanny type people and mothers help adverts on gumtree but not sure how relaiable, safe or qualified they woudl be or if its legal or maybe you coudl get a childminder who might do it in your area.

I work in a day nursery and a member of staff was on call for when a mother was in labour because they had no family near by.

He stayed at her house over night and she took him in to nursery the next day and he was picked up from there. She did it as a favour, and actually everybody wanted to do it but she won because she lived closest

ty jenny and just say ppl on mumsnet sooo obliging didnt think id get any replies you kind kind ppl!

Re: discharge times for the ERI, I have heard of straightforward births to 2nd time mums getting discharged later the same day, but plenty of us stayed in for a couple of days (we were in three days as dd was on the light side and we couldn't get the bfing sorted).

The nursery staff probably sound your best bet, failing that I am sure your cousin wouldn't mind if you dropped dc off on the way to the hospital, then she doesn't have to leave her brood.