Am I being naive/unrealistic

[legallyblond]

I have been told by my midwife to start thinking about how I want the birth to be (I am only 11 weeks with my first, but apparently its good to start thinking about it now). I have done quite a bit of reading and feel quite strongly that I really don't want any pain releif (unless I have an emergency c-section or something, obviously). I really do not like the idea of an epidural at all and, although I would consider gas and air, because of various things, I HATE the feeling of being "high" or lightheaded, which I think gas and air gives you. I really want to try and deal with the pain by breathing, water and massage. I feel like I will be able to deal with it...
BUT, as I said, this is my first, and I am aware that I may be being really naive and unrealistic about this. Is the pain going to be so bad that I will be screaming for an epidural (I really don't want one), or has anyone else managed the kind of birth I would like??

ps - I don't mind being told that the pain is unbrearable and I am being stupid to even consider this!

I think it's good to have a plan and not totally naive to say you don't want pain relief - many women don't use it. But it's also good to be open to the idea if necessary and don't beat yourself up if you end up going for every bit of pain relief possible!

There is no way of knowing, legally. It could be that the baby is in a good position and it all goes swimmingly. Or it could be complete agony!

DO a search on here for hypnobirthing. No harm in being as well prepared as possible. And keep all options open.

I had a very straightforward birth with ds and used gas and air successfully. It was still unbelievably painful though and I would have taken an epidural at several points in prceedings! DOn't mean to scare you though, but tbh I wish people had been more honest with me befor hand. There are people who have births with no pain relief whatsoever quite successfully and those who need every help going. It is not a personal failing - it is luck most of t he time. Most of us fall somewhere in the moddle. Aim for the birth you want but don't be dissappointed if it doesn't work out. nless you have an especially bad experience, it is very insignificant in comparison to the whole becoming a parent business.

I am pg with no.2 now, so it can't have been that bad, eh?

YY to hypnobirthing. I did that and I really think it helped. Managed to have DS without pain relief (except water and bit of gas+air).

Having said that, I do think a lot of it is down to luck on the day (baby's position/appearance of meconium/baby's heartrate staying stable etc) but the hypno course (taken with a large pinch of salt) helped me feel prepared and to have a plan on how to handle the contractions - especially with the breathing.

Best advice I was given was to stay upright and mobile as it helps speed things along. Bouncing/rocking on a gym ball really helped as well.

Good luck - you'll be fine. The waiting for labour to start was the worst bit IME, once it starts you just get on with it (don't really have a choice!).

we're currently TTC number 2 (DS is 10 months old) so it can't have been that bad...

Thanks guys. Believe me, I do know that the most inmportant thing is to get the baby out healthily and safely. The moment the professionals tell me the baby is in distress, I am happy to have a c-section and the works... but its good to know that the epidural isn't obligatory and that some of you have managed fine without! I guess I just have to wait and see!

YANBU at all; you sound really open to everything. My suggestion would be to educate educate educate yourself about all of it (I found the majority of pg books so dire I go midwifery textbooks out of the library instead, they were much better And ignore anyone who smiles patronisingly and tells you to wait until you've done it. Loads of people manage with no analgesia, and loads of people find an epidural works brilliantly for them. Just read up about everything so you know, if plans change, what you would prefer.

Definitely educate yourself. I actually wouldn't think about it just yet - 11 weeks is very early to be thinking about the birth! I did my reading and planning after about 30 weeks I think, so it was all fresh in my mind for the birth.

Be open to all options. I wanted a water birth, to use G&A and tens only. I definitely did not want pethidine or an epdidural.

I ended up with pethidine and a spinal block as they were appropriate to the situation that I found myself in. I think that's the key thing to remember - all types of pain relief are appropriate in certain situations.

Make sure your brith partner knows your preferences too.

Just to say I only used G&A for the last 2 hours, and I found I was in alot of pain so I never actually felt lightheaded as such, but rather just in a little bit less pain, so I wouldn't worry about feeling 'high' at all with it.
I would say you are not naive and its definitely possible.

I had DS (DC1) 2 weeks ago and my birth plan was to use tens, then a birthing pool and gas and air. I ended up being induced 3 weeks early and was on my back strapped up to monitors for the whole 12 hours after they had broken my waters as the baby's heartrate was all over the place. I refused to let go of the gas and air between contractions , screamed at DH when he gently reminded me that I had "I do not want pethidine at any time" written in bold all over my birth plan (yup, had that too)... and then slept for 4 hours once I'd had an epidural until it was time to start pushing. I loved the epidural so much that I wouldn't let the midwife stop topping it up so that I could feel what I was doing ( again), which turned out to be just as well as my contractions virtually stopped and DS ended up being delivered by ventouse, including an episiotomy and lots of stitches. DS had an apgar of 9 and is now busy gurgling in his sleep on my lap.

So... from my experience, no you aren't being naive, but be ready to keep your options open. Nothing that anyone said could have prepared me for just how much it hurt or how panicked I was knowing that DS was struggling. Yes, I had every pain relief option going and that was definitely not what I wanted, but I have a healthy baby and I'm just fine and that's really all that matters to me.

I went in wanting no pain relief or just gas and air. Ended up having diamorphene and gas and air because i was frightened that the pain would get much worse and it would be too late to have any pain relief.

I regreted it afterwards but dont know how painful it could have gotton if i didnt have the diamorphene..

A family friend gave birth to her DD at home with no pain relief, no mw or doctors and her husband delivered her. She coped fine and did it without any medical intervention (not by choice she shot into labour)

So definately not nieve but i wouldnt rule anything out as youmay need it.

Go with your instincts and see how you feelwhen that time comes.

Birthplans usually goout the window

The best births are where you feel in control - and this doesn't matter if it's natural or EMCS. Some people are traumatised by their natural birth, some find it a wonderful experience. Some people are traumatised by their EMCS, while others are completely fine with it - it partly(/mostly?) depends on whether they felt out of control or not.

Definitely go the hypnobirthing route - this can help keep your calm and sense of control even if things go tits up. And it can be an exceptionally useful tool for avoiding pain-relief if things do go well.

The first time, I coped fine most of the way with just breathing (and TENS in the initial stages), and probably would've gone all the way if they hadn't wanted to put me on synto (and I hadn't been stupid enough to accept this without question). I found the breathing was more use to me than the G&A - and I didn't like that off-my-head feeling either.

Second time I had a straightforward waterbirth with no drugs at all, used hypnobirthing techniques, and it was absolutely fine. Completely doable. Yes, the contractions at their height did feel unbearable, but that only lasted for such a short time each time that it was easy to bear! Of course, it's easier the second time because the feelings are familiar. And it was shorter. Your perception of pain can differ somewhat if you are really tired.

Do the boy scout thing - be prepared. Even if it turns out you have to have an elective C after all, all you will have lost is some time and (hopefully) only a trivial amount of money (and maybe some hopes ).

According to lots of intelligent people in books, the tricks to having a less painful birth are:

1. Encourage baby into a good position so that the birth is as straightforward as possible.
2. Have a knowledgeable, supportive person with you the entire birth.
3. Give birth in the place you feel most comfortable and relaxed.
4. Work hard at your relaxation techniques - tension of any kind will make contractions more painful. Go "with" the contractions, relax into them.
5. Fear, anxiety, stress of any kind will make it hurt more and take longer (see 4)
6. Labour in whatever (upright) position you find most comfortable.
7. Be active and change positions as and when you wish to.
8. Use hypnosis techniques.
9. Have birth companions who are loving, positive and uplifting, not full of fear and negativity to pass on to you.

10. Give birth at home - studies show that homebirthers on the whole somehow seem to demand less pain-relief - see 3, 4, 5. 11. Give birth in water. 12. Eat healthily and get plenty of the right kind of exercise while pregnant. Pregnancy yoga can be very helpful.

Google "painfree birth" for suggestions, but obviously take it all with a great big pinch of salt - it is also partly the luck of the draw as others have said.

I found the TENS machine really useful for the early stages. Did use gas towards the end. The beauty of both TENS and gas is that you are totally in control, you can switch it off/take your mouth of the mouthpiece the moment you want. I never felt the need of anything stronger.

THANK YOU everyone. This is really encouraging! As I said, the moment the baby is in any distress, I am happy for the doctors to do anything necessary. But unless and until that happens, I will def investigate pain free method like hypno methods. I am also hoping for a midwife led water birth (am high risk under a consultant now, but everyone, including the midwives, think the consultant will see me once and put me back to low risk).

Thanks again for you time x

In my experience I was told at the 20 week scan that I had placenta previa, which ended in an elective section. So my advice (for what it's worth) is to wait till 20 weeks and then think about homebirths or hypnobirthing!

I'm 16 weeks preg with first baby and, like you, I always thought I'd far prefer the most natural birth possible. I'm starting to change my mind a bit now tho - shouldn't have been watching that One Born Every Minute show on Channel 4, frightened the bejaysus out of me!!

But, like you, I'm still considering tens and a birthing pool as options, at least in the early stages. If it gets too much then I'll go with the painkillers or the epidural.

Anyway, just from what my friends have told me, I think it's important not to put too much pressure on yourself to have the 'perfect' birth, esp your first time round. Every labour is different and lasts a different length of time so it's more or less impossible to know how you'll feel until it happens and if you really feel like you need gas and air/pethidine/epidural then you should have it and not beat yourself up about it. But if you can do it painkiller free then more power to you!

Just wanted to add that interventions / even unnecessary pushing can result in the baby being in distress.

When I was told DD was in distress (after being told to push for nearly 2 hours - they started trying to move me to the labour ward to get medical assistance and I pushed so hard she landed on the floor whilst they were packing my stuff up! I was only on a birth stool anyway and there was a mat on the floor! Turned out I was more scared of doctors than I was of tearing!

In hindsight, they shouldn't have told me to push when I wasn't ready to.

I did not want an epidural until I had been in labour for over 12 hours and was still only 3cm dilated. It gave me the breathing space to carry on and deliver naturally.

It is not naive nor unrealistic to hope that you can manage without.

I would be cautious about completely ruling out the methods available to you to cope with labour, should you find it too much.

Keep an open mind.

I'm 16 weeks preg with first baby and, like you, I always thought I'd far prefer the most natural birth possible. I'm starting to change my mind a bit now tho - shouldn't have been watching that One Born Every Minute show on Channel 4, frightened the bejaysus out of me!!

But, like you, I'm still considering tens and a birthing pool as options, at least in the early stages. If it gets too much then I'll go with the painkillers or the epidural.

Anyway, just from what my friends have told me, I think it's important not to put too much pressure on yourself to have the 'perfect' birth, esp your first time round. Every labour is different and lasts a different length of time so it's more or less impossible to know how you'll feel until it happens and if you really feel like you need gas and air/pethidine/epidural then you should have it and not beat yourself up about it. But if you can do it painkiller free then more power to you!

My plan was no pain relief unless intervention was needed (thankfully it wasn't), but in the last two hours with dc1 had gas&air and pethedine and gas&air with dc2. By the time I had gas&air I was in too uch pain to feel high it just took the edge off contractions.

The only thing I was adament I didn't want (unless a c-section was needed) was an epidural. I've had a needle in my spine for a lumbar puncture and that was one too many IMO. It's probly good tat I didn't want one as I tend to walk round the room non-stop from the first contraction til it's time to push.

have to admit, in hindsight i was a little set on the whole natural birthing.

I htink it would have helped me to say 'look i know i have a birth plan but please suggest things to me!!' It depends on the midwife, mine at the end wasn't very good, and i feel it could have been different.

You don't sound naive or unrealistic. You cannot know how you will experience labour pain until you are having it, and it may well not be anything as bad as you fear! Read up, consider NCT classes or similar, keep an open mind, like other posters have said.
FWIW, I had pretty much exactly the first birth you describe - active water birth in a birth centre, hands-off midwife attending, no drugs, no G&A - which I also didn't fancy as I have low blood pressure and didn't need anything else making me feel dizzy and spaced out. It was an amazing experience.
This was all on my birth plan as a best-case scenario, but I truly never imagined that it would go this way. Of course I was lucky - favourable presentation, spontaneous and fairly quick labour, no complications - but it is possible!

I think you are doing the right thing, starting your research early. If you want to plan for a natural, drug-free birth, then that is what you should go ahead and do.

However, while you are doing your research make sure you take the time to find out exactly what forms of pain-relief will be available to you at your chosen hospital/birth unit/home. Understand how they will work, the pros and the cons and make sure your share this information with your birth partner. Also find out about the different sort of interventions that medical people might propose. That way, you will be prepared whatever outcome happens.

I personally think that being informed and prepared makes it easier to understand and accept what is happening, even if it's not what you planned. And this can make it easier to have a positive birth experience regardless of circumstance.

My first birth was supposed to be natural and drug-free, but I ended up being induced early for medical reasons. I used all the pain relief I could get. It was a fantastic experience.

I'd recommend attending something like an NCT course if you manage it.

legallyblonde... just like you i hate the thought of the epidural and although i was willing to consider G&A i felt uncomfortable at the thought of feeling dizzy and woozy whilst in labour.

I've had three births all of them completely pain relief free and at no point did i regret that decision.

dd was a very long labour (15 hours of regular strong contractions to get to 3cm!) and i coped fine, it was shocking at first but i soon found the knack for relaxing into the pain and other than being exhausted afterwards due to the length of it and haemorraging afterwards i felt quite good.

ds1 was back to back, and was in fact born like that. Definitely more painful than dd so threw me a bit in that sense but still very manageable just by zoning out and staying relaxed.

ds2 was my quickest and was definitely more intense pain wise but even with the very intense contractions i had with him i never felt overwhelmed or wished i chosen pain relief.

The key for me is being relaxed and being left alone to just deal with the contraction without interferance.

Trust your body but don't have anything set in stone.... i think leaving myself the option of the G&A at all times helped as i always knew if it got too much no-one would make me feel guilty for needing some help... not even myself

Don't get too complacent in the early stages... i was a bit thrown with dd as i thought i was coping great for the first few hours but soon realised when the proper contractions kicked in that what i'd been feeling previously was nothing... that was the only point i came close to changng my mind about pain relief but as i was at home had to make do with a shower!

Stay at home as long as humanly possible, if you go into hospital too soon go home again (had to do this with dd ) as things will be much easier in your own environment.

And remember.... no one gives a flying fuck after the birth whther you had pain rlief or not... I can count on one hand the amount of times i've been asked and i certainly never got a shred of respect or congratulations for it from anyone other than my mother, dp and the mws so please don't do this based on anyone elses opinions or attitudes... do it because it's the right choice for you personally

have an open mind, as noone will know what will happen on the day

educate yourself so you can understand whats going on, and manage the pain, and if you can, aim for MWLU/water type scenario

But dont see pain relief as failure, I was induced and was on my back and once the ferarri testarossa pains kicked in, I just could not handle it