First baby, convinced labour pain will kill me.help.

[Monkor]

Help please. I am Expecting my first child in September, i have never been the maternal type mainly because from a very young age I was convinced that childbirth would be so unbearable i would die from shock. So much so that i never wanted children. Now i am 12 weeks pregnant and although i should be happy i cannot stop thinking of how the labour is going to be unbearable and whether i will make it ok.

So so scared, just need some reassurance that my body will cope

It's called tokophobia

It was in the Guardian - here's the online story

Ah, thank you, becauseImWorthit, excellent linkage!

Hi Monkor. I felt exactly the same way. I have been terrified of childbirth since seeing my sister give birth when I was 16 and also thought I never wanted children.
I had DS 10/08 (he's 17 months now) and I'm alive and well and so is he
TBcompletelyH (and I'll probably get yelled at for saying so) it wasn't an easy birth at all and I still don't want to have another baby unless I'm guaranteed a c-sect next time.

But, I got an epidural after a little while and that helped tremendously. And I was happier than I could ever imagine when I saw ds for the first time.
I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to bear the pain - but when the time came, I was absolutely fine.
Put in your birth plan that you'd like an epidural (if you want) and get counseling in advance (that helped me a bit).

You will survive it and it is not as bad as the birthing shows make it out to be (I used to watch them daily while pg - not a great idea and they are NOT a true picture of what actually happens).

Just as an aside - a birth phobia (tokophobia) is more than 'just' a fear of pain. I'm not being dismissive here of pain, or people's experiences of it, or its effects etc -

Just that there are a whole bundle of issues that go into tokophobia (as I imagine there are with every phobia). After all, if avoidance of pain was the main issue, phobics would never go to the dentist/have any sort of medical procedure. I've broken limbs/had acute appendicitis/operations etc, and those events all involved a fair bit of pain! and I wouldn't care to repeat them, BUT I was never in a state of crippling anxiety and panic about them. Birth is a different kettle of fish.

It is absolutely true though that the OP is asking to be reassured about pain, and I agree there are a lot of helpful responses here which address that.

I'm mentioning this only because the subject of tokophobia has come up, and I really wanted to say, it's not 'just' a fear of pain, it's a deep psychological fear that involves a lot of other factors. I think sometimes it is the only way that people who can't imagine what this phobia is like (and I don't blame them) can rationalise it.

There. Don't mean to hijack thread.

Thank you all so much for the words of reassurance.
i really was expecting people just to ignore this post as i thought i was being a complete freak! its so much better hearing good things from individuals that have gone through it, rather than individuals who haven't and are just trying to try and say good things. I would really like to know more about Hypnobirthing.

Oh and i am sure i will be back for more words of reassurance as the pregnancy progresses...thanks so much again everyone!

some nice birth stories here and here

Monkor
I was the same first time around, I was phobic. and I tortured myself with watching childbirth docs. I had afew sleepless nights! Then I had DC. It was no walk in the park, but nor would I say I had massive trauma either.

My tip would be to HAVE THE DRUGS , just have them. With my epidural I was in no way screaming and writhing in agony. Ok I could not push him, and had to have ventouse etc. But I was never screaming and howling like the women you see on TV.

We are lucky, its 2010 and get in there early and get the drugs, you'll be OK

I am due same time (ish) as you, so we shall see eh!!!!

Monkor, my best friend swears that she is the most cowardly person when it comes to pain, she freely admits being a huge wuss and sobbing at even mild pain.

Yet she had a induction, labour for 3 days, waters broken before her cervix had started to open, forceps and a PPH, and yet says she would do it again in a heartbeat. She said it was different, as someone said above, she knew that the pain was there for a reason.

She also said when the epidural went in it was the most glorious feeling in the world.

Nothing wrong with drugs at all.

I agree, worst thing about pain is that you don't know what's causing it and when it will stop so you torment yourself. With childbirth you know it will be painful, you know that's no indicator of anything wrong so you can concentrate on dealing with the pain. Plus as someone else has mentioned the pain isn't constant.