Wobbling over home birth WWYD ?

[MillyMollyMoo]

Am trying to weigh this up because basically nobody else is very supportive except would you believe the community midwives.
DH is thoughts are around mess, work load for him, general inconvenience.
Mother is doing the usual, you'll both die drama queen nonsense.
I had originally been keen on a HB purely on the basis that we have no childcare and I have been admitted twice in this pregnancy with bleeds and basically been alone on a trolly in A&E for hours whilst DH looked after the older kids
However my neighbour has kindly said to knock the door any time day or night and she'll have the children, my mum has offered to drive up to take over asap.
Plus the MLU has just had a three million pound make over, 26 individual rooms with en suites and fathers can stay the night, it looks amazing. The idea of a few days rest before the reality of being a mother of 4 hits home is appealing.

My only hesitation is around hypnobirthing, basically last time I had a fantastic time at home, got to 6cm literally not feeling a thing and then as soon as we arrived at the hospital everything went out of the window, it was still fine but I felt it could have been a nicer experience.

Thanks if you've read this far

Personally I'd plan for the homebirth. It's none of your mother's business where you have the baby. And how can being at home with no need to arrange childcare or having to go to hospital and back be inconvenient? Think your DH has got his thinking back to front! And tell him the midwives generally do the tidying up, get some plastic dust sheets and you'll be fine!

When it comes to the day itself, you might not feel like being at home, and you can go into the fancy new MLU anyway, nothing has to be set in stone. But if you do feel like staying at home, then everything will be there and ready

Where do you want to be? You need to be in the place that feels the most right - be that in the fancy new MLU with kids at the neighbours, at home with DH if he'll be supportive on the day, or at home with DH banished looking after the kids...

If you're not planning for a birthpool then there's very little work or inconvenience for your DH - and that could be none if you have a pile of old towels and a plastic ground sheet on hand.

Even if you only think you might rather be at home, I'd plan that way - far easier to go into the MLU at the last minute than go for a HB at that point. Fingers crossed you can get everyone on board, or at least a bit more supportive of your choice

I guess all I want is to not be in a tissy like last time.
We arrived at the hospital cool as a cucumber but with DD2 in tow aged 20 months because she wouldn't stay with mother in law and then DH had to run home with her leaving me (again, pattern emerging).
By the time he got back I'd kind of come out of the hypnobirthing frame of mind and never really got back into it.
So I'm saying I don't trust him to remember to do what's required to keep me in the trance and I'm worried the midwives in hospital certainly won't be up on the techniques even though you are promised one to one care.
I have a better chance of a hypnobirth at home don't I ?
Am talking myself back into it now after being seduced by shiny new units :D

it sounds like you would LIKE to be at the MLU, and as you have childcare arranged now then if that's what you'd like then go for it.

I think that you need to be where you'll be most relaxed and able to labour how you want to. if you think thast's at home then do it, if you think the MLU can offer that then go there!

in answer to concerns from your dh, well....
there is mess. but the midwives clear it all up and take it with them. IME (2 homebirths) they are very, very careful and keep popping inco pads under you and just making sure nothing gets messier than necessary. It's really zero inconvenience. he gets to be in his house, able to make food and drinks, doesn't have to visit you in hospital... etc etc

but this time your neighbour/mum will have children, so your dh won't need to leave you?

or would you consider hiring a doula?

This is true, so much more organised.

I have hired a doula, paid the deposit, community midwife said I don't need her and suggested I cancelled, seemed to think it would be a waste of money and DH should be put to work lol

Is there anyone else you could have as a birth partner? Sister, friend, cousin, doula...? I think you either need to have someone that you trust, or you need to put yourself in an environment where you feel most likely to cope by yourself - whether that's home or MLU.

Have you looked at why you feel seduced by the shiny new unit? Around here we came to the conclusion that the MLU had a pool (which I wanted) and had a more homely atmosphere than hospital (which I wanted), but both of those were achievable to a higher standard at home - and that didn't require me to get in the car in labour and was as close to the CLU if complications arose. (We then also went with IMs so had the support in the immediate post-natal period). How long do you get before you're "encouraged" to leave? It sounds like one of the big selling points for you is the chance to get some R&R - have you double checked that you can stay in for a few days if you're not having problems? Have you bought some nice new "I'm mum of a new baby and need looking after right now" PJ's )

If you have a doula then sod the CMW - unless she can guarantee that you will have continuous support by someone that's taken the time and trouble to get to know you before you go into labour...... Your DH might be better off being put to work elsewhere. Michel Odent published a few articles about how he'd started working with a female doula - he found the system that worked best was if he left the mother and doula to focus on the labour while he and the father sat at the other end of the house and drank tea...

If you're still ambivalent then plan a HB for now and go where your instincts lead you on the day - but if you want to be in the MLU then trust your doula to support you and go for it

I dont think you'll get 'a few days rest' at the MLU. If it's your 4th and a straightforward VB they will be wanting you to leave after 6-24 hours.

Ignore scaremongering mothers, I think there has been a generational shift in people's faith in doctors/hositals.

I think you should have a home birth and then refuse to get out of bed for a week.

The hypnobirthing is bound to work better if you don't have to get up and go anywhere. As long as you don't get interrupted much by your older kids.
Get your husband to read "The Father's Home Birth Handbook" by Leah Hazard, that might motivate him a bit. And hopefully you've already seen the home birth reference site?

I like LynetteScavo's idea too!

"I have hired a doula, paid the deposit, community midwife said I don't need her and suggested I cancelled, seemed to think it would be a waste of money and DH should be put to work lol"

How DARE she?!!!! A doula is not there to take the place of your dh but to support him as well as you. The Doula ends up supporting the midwives too simply by being part of the team.

Have you told your Doula? She might like to contact Head of Midwifery and offer to raise awareness amongst your local midwives as to what a Doula does (or rather doesn't do) by meeting some and giving a little presentation.

i think plan for a homebirth then if you are cool and fine at the time it is all there for you - if you want to transfer in then you can do that too - but yes personally, i think state of mind is better at home in your own surroundings and having a nice shower, something to eat and then popping into bed with the babe after is amazing. After my second i held court ion bed for a few days but after thrid DH broke his elbow so i had to get up and on with things....

the way i see it, you will be the one who will be most put out with the giving birth process so do it where you are going to be most comfortable.

everyone else can work around there issues with you wanting a home birth.

it is time for you to have a diva strop about where you want to give birth. maybe that way, they will back off with their minor issues around your choice.

I agree with everyone that's the trouble lol, they and you all have good if not sometimes minor points.
DH is right in that the kids won't leave me alone and will dive on the baby the moment it's born, which is lovely, depending on how it's all gone.
I will go and ask how long I can bed down in the MLU and maybe I'll take my doula there, I can't say I particularly know/trust/bonded with her either though. She's very nice but it still seems a bit polite considering the poor girl will see me naked in 14 weeks time
My Mother can be completely ignored, not for the first time.