Everyone keeps telling me I've "been through a lot" etc re the way DSs birth went but I don't feel that bad.... can't decide how I feel about it all - how does it compare to others??

[MrsMc82]

Hiya all,

I guess I'm struggling to work out how I feel about the way my little boys birth went....

He's 2 weeks old now and I feel really well, am lucky that he's sleeping well at night so far, really happy that dh and I have made such a lovely little boy and just really enjoying him.

But I had an emcs so all the usual houseworky stuff is being done by mum/dh and I don't feel I'm doing everything I expected I would be at this stage.... (Driving to visit people/normal housework stuff ect) I guess I didn't see the need for the emcs at the time or have it full explained to me (remember thinking "what's all the fuss about" when everyone was rushing around to get me ready for theatre) and still kind of feel like having it has almost robbed me of way I imagined the first few weeks of ds's life would be.... People (DH/parents/ friends etc) keep telling me that I've had a hard time of it (with the birth) and need to remeber to take it easy ect but I just feel like other people have much worse births than me and I don't deserve/don't really need to be molly coddled so much....

I guess I wondering if my birth story is really particulary full of complications or if its just fairly average after all no birth is really straight forward is it??...
Let me know what you think.... I guess even just writing it out might help me decide what I really feel about it all...
Here goes:.....
Was induced at 40+2 days as developed pre eclampsia (sp?)
Had the gel give 9pm on the fri eve and only needed one dose as contractions started at 1am waters broke at 3am
Contractions continued thoughout night and then was puyt on hormone drip at 7am
DS's heart rate dipped at 9am ish for 2/3 mins and Drs talked about prospect of need to intervene however heart rate returned to normal and they were satisfied
Monitor could trace DSs heartrate well at about 10am so fetal scalp monitor was fitted internally whilst I was 2cm dialated (admit this did rather hurt!)
Transpires that its assumed by Drs that I'll be having an epidural due to induction and by midday contractions make me decide that if I'm going to have to have one I'd rather have it when I can stay reasonably still and have a few mins between contractions.
Epidural given about midday and I passout as thought of needle in back etc is a bit too much for me (even though tried relly hard to distract self!!!)
Then was pleased to be pain free and topped up as and when I needed it as contraction got stronger throughout the day.... and even managed to doze a bit....
3pm examined and was 4cms
7pm examined and was 6cms
9pm examined and was 6cms
9.45 told having a emcs as the baby is big (first I've heard of it!) and I'm not progressing fast enough
10pm am in theatre
10.35 wonderful DS is born! And put in wonderful DH arms - amazing feeling!
Then as I'm being sewn back up epidural wears off/hasnt worked on a particular area and I can feel pain of what they're doing refuse general as don't want to miss first few hours of DSs life and only have 15 mins left till they're done but am given diamorphine and then ketamene (later am fairly sure they were discussing that my epidural cathetar slipped out of my back when was in theatre and that's why was feeling the pain but have v hazy memory of this not sure if remember / understood this correctly)
11pm we were all back in our delivery room having cuddles and time as new family till I was moved onto the ward at about 5am...

Right will stop waffling now! Sorry for such long post - think its been useful to share....
X

Congratulations.

As long as YOU feel OK about how things went then I would ignore an doommongerering.If you do feel upset then it is worth exploring with your MW/HCP

gOOD LUCK WITH EVERYTHING

Firstly many congrats on the birth of your baby. I had to have an emcs and two years later still don't really understand why. Like you I had everyone telling me what a hard time I had and it felt slightly wrong to me as I was in a world of haze getting my head around having a real live baby!

I guess it was and is probably harder for your Mum and DH to deal with in a way as they have had to witness you going through this (your dh I mean) and are probably on eggshells with worry about you. A cs is major abdominal surgery after all and an emcs is a harrowing experience (although the cushion of drugs I was on at the time means that I really don't remember most of it!)

You can contact the hospital and get a copy of your notes if you feel it would help you understand the circumstances around having an emcs. I have toyed with doing this but in all honesty I don't think I would gain anything from it.

In retrospect I wish I had taken advantage of everyone treating me with kid gloves a bit more it soon wears off!!

I totally understand how you feel though, and all your happy hormones have kicked in so it kind of feels a bit wrong to feel sorry for yourself when you have a lovely baby in your arms.

Get thee to the sofa with your lovely ds and wallow in your minions servicing your every whim!!

Congratulations!!! Don't let other people tell you how you ought to feel about your birth. It does sound like they are quite shell shocked, but that really is their problem not yours. Get the work out of them, but don't listen

fwiw, I had a very similar experience to yours in my second pregnancy and I think of that as a very relaxed and happy experience- partly because my first, vaginal, "natural" birth was actually quite a bit harder, but mainly because I had been spending weeks on the ante-natal ward and seen and heard some real horror stories, so just a quick emergency section seemed quite mundane by comparison. But I think I may have found it emotionally easier because I had already worked out that it might well come to emc.

YOu may find when you've had time to settle that you are actually upset and do need to work through the notes and get some support- if so don't hesitate!

Or you may find that it all sinks into the background. Both reactions are equally valid: go with whatever works for you.

I had a very similar birth to you, culminating in emcs under G&A. I was just thankful to be alive and to have a healthy baby so never felt THAT traumatised by it. The thing that upset me was that I wasn't awake and so didn't get to "meet" my baby in the way I expected. It was more a drug addled haze a little while later....The MV came round a week or so later to run through it all with me, which was helpful.

DH on the other hand was totally freaked by the whole thing, and would never talk about it afterwards.

I do think I had trouble adjusting to the fact this baby was actually MINE ifyswim and maybe some trouble bonding initially. Don't know if that was due to the birth though, or if the shock of having your pfb can affect you like that anyway....

I had similar too except my baby wasn't breathing for quite some time after birth he scored 0 on his apgar ,he was in scbu and dh was told hed not make it through the night and that he could be brain damaged and have cerebral palsy,i didnt see him til he was almost 24 hours old - he did survive!!! hes 16 and is now doing A levels completely normal

Id had 17 hours of pushing ...induction,foetal monitor,ARM,epesiostomy,suction,forceps then emcs .

I survived .

People fussed over me too - enjoy it.

BTW your insurance doesnt cover you to drive after the cs for i think 6 weeks.

I would take all the help you can at the moment, but ask people close to you not to keep dwelling on your CS but to look to the future. I had a very bad birth with my duaghter but after it I was pleased she was out in one piece and that I was no longer pregnant. 2 and a half years later people are still telling me that I must have been traumatised by it and that I am brave to be having another baby, but I still think WTF? What doesn't kill us makes us stronger!

In the meantime though, take the help. I know I felt both creaky and fabulous all at the same time after my CS. I leapt out of bed full of enthusiasm one day and instantly remembered my scar as it pulled. Whenever a friend or relative has a baby I try to go round there and treat them as normally as they want to be treated, but unobtrusively do things like bringing round some things to make a nice lunch, or just having a quick pick up in the kitchen. I don't coo over them (unless that's how they want it . When I have this baby I hope not to have a CS, but however it comes out I want to be able to spend hours at a time just lying around with my new baby. I don't like housework at the best of times, so if anyone wants to come round and do some just because I've had a baby they will be more than welcome . Not my MIL though. She does over-fuss, and she goes through my drawers to find things to iron, which is just a step too far!

I had a emcs under GA as DS's heartbeat was dipping and took a lot longer to get back to normal than after DD's VB.

Could you ask to see your notes, so that you can tell why a CS was done? It does seem strange that it was because the your baby was too big.

Take advantage of the fussing, it will not go on much longer and you will be back to normal. Enjoy it while it lasts.

the important thing is how 'you' feel and whilst it must be lovely to have such a protective, supportive family around you, i think you are ststing to feel a little suffocated ? I think for now, your focus should be on getting your family to back off a little and let you start adjusting to life as a mum. How amenable are your mum and DH to actually listening to you ? I think part of it is that standing around watching your loved one in pain and being very aware of what is happeneing can be as traumatic as being the one lying in the bed from a psychological point of view. But that doesn't mean that they can continue to project their feelings about how traumatic the experience 'should' have been for you.

FWIW, I felt absolutely fine after an emergency CS - in fact I suffered more physically and emotionally after an apparently more straight forward 'normal' delivery. If you think it would be helpful, ask your midwife to talk you through your labour (it can take ages to get hold of notes yourself)

Then start moving forwards. As you regain your physical strength, keep an eye on how you are feeling mentally, but be guided by YOU and not how other people tell you that you should be feeling. Enjoy your baby

I kind of know what you mean as I also had the sort of birth that sounds quite dramatic if described, but in my memory at least is really not as bad as it probably sounds!

I wasn't induced but had waters break first, then approx 24 hrs of labouring at home (getting very uncomfortable towards the end as stupid night MW wouldn't let me come in as she kept saying contractions weren't regular enough - but she was talking bull as I was 6cm when I finally ignored her and went in anyway!). Then spent nearly another 24 hrs in labour in hospital, working through from nice birthpool with just G&A to diamorphine, syntocin as wasn't progressing, epidural due to the syntocin, and eventually EMCS when they decided DS was in such a funny position he wasn't going to come out any other way!

But like you, I didn't feel especially traumatised by it (although it was EMCS, it was still quite calm and unhurried really, as DS was never showing any signs of being in danger) and had a very good recovery, better than a lot of my friends with more "normal" births, so it did sometimes feel strange to be fussed over afterwards.

My advice? Don't worry too much about how you "should" feel about it; if (like me) you are just feeling quite lucky actually that you and DS are fine, then enjoy that feeling! But do remember as well that you HAVE just had fairly major surgery and that even if you feel relatively fine now, you could still risk complications if you take things too fast - so make the most of not having to do housework etc at the moment, and use the extra time to enjoy DS instead. But that doesn't mean you have to let your family restrict you too much if there are things you want to do and you are sure they will not affect your recovery (in my case, it was going out to meet friends the day after I got out of hospital, it raised a few eyebrows but it made me feel a lot better!).

Last thing - don't forget that after giving birth your hormones are all over the place, and there is still a possibility that you will get a "crash" later on when all the positive feelings wear off. Not saying it WILL happen - and it didn't really to me - just that it is not that unusual, so be prepared for the possibility. If you do end up revisiting things, then a birth debrief might help. But if you continue to feel good, then please do just enjoy it and not worry about it!

Thanks v v much ladies - its good to know its ok to be feeling ok even if people around me think I should be feeling terrible!

Like a lot of you said I'll take advantage of the help and enjoy it and just focus on the fact that DS is wonderful and arrived safely and will try not to over think the whole birth scenario..... Off to give him a snuggle whilst sat on the sofa now before he wakes up for his dinner xxxx

I am glad you are feeling so postitive, but please let people look after you. I was told I had had a traumatic birth and was offered the chance to "debrief" but was very blase that I was fine. With hindsight it might have helped as I struggled to breastfeed and ended up with PND. Good luck and enjoy your DS x