Second timer but have a lot of 'first time' worries - anyone relate?

[FrozenNorth]

The birth of my DD was an induction at 38 weeks due to IUGR. It was a great birth experience and most importantly DD came out healthy and yelling heartily. I loved my induction - the constant monitoring set my mind at rest and the set date meant that my DH could be present at the birth.

Fast forward to my current pregnancy (am 35 weeks). This one has been monitored for growth problems and although is small (about 12th centile) has not fallen beneath the magic 10th centile which defines IUGR. Consequently I'm assuming the birth will not be an induction and I will go into labour naturally. Though I hate to admit this, I really don't want to.

I know I'll miss the constant monitoring - does anyone know if they would give me this if I asked for it? I know that I'm already very very worried about my DH not making it home for the birth (he works and lives 7 hours away from us during the week). I'm also worried about lots of 'first time' stuff like how will I know it's labour? How will I know when to ring DH to come back? What if my labour goes too fast and I can't get to hospital in time? Last labour I started off the induction at 3/4cm dilated and had given birth within 6 hours after AROM. What if it happens faster than that? What if the midwives ignore and belittle my wishes because I'm on my own with no birth partner?

I know no-one can answer these questions (although if there are any midwives out there I'd love to know if I'd be allowed to request constant monitoring) but it's good to get them out there. They are things which are stressing out DH as well, and I think he's fed up of me talking about them.

HI - MY FIRST BIRTH WAS SAME AS YOURS SO I REALLY CAN RELATE TO YOUR SITUATION - I WAS INDUCED AT 38 WEEKS FOR THE SAME REASONS AND ALL WENT WELL - I ALSO HAD THE SAME WORRIES THE SECOND TIME AROUND - HOWEVER ALL WENT WELL - DD2 ARRIVED ON THE DUE DATE - I WOKE UP EARLY AND NEW IT HAD STARTED - WAITED A COUPLE OF HOURS TO MAKE SURE THEN STARTED TO GET EVERYONE ON THE GO - PUT ON THE TENS MACHINE, GOT TO HOSPITAL - HAD A QUICK CHECK-UP AND THEY SAID TIME TO GET ON WITH IT - A FEW PUFFS OF GAS & AIR AND 15 MINS PUSHING AND SHE WAS OUT - SO REALLY HAD LITTLE TIME TO DWELL ON MY WORRIES/FEARS - OBVIOUSLY CANNOT SAY THINGS WILL GO THE SAME FOR YOU BUT HOPE THEY DO - ALSO MAYBE YOU COULD THINK ABOUT CHOSING AN ADDITIONAL BIRTH PARTNER TO KEEP ON STAND-BY IN CASE HUBBY CANNOT MAKE IT THERE ON TIME - GOOD LUCK

Talk to your mid wife. They are there to help and most are pretty good. Put all your requirements in your birth plan and discuss this with your midwife. They should not belittle your wishes because you are on your own. As part of your planning, why not find a friend who would come to the hospital with you till your DH arrived and could act as your advocate with the hospital staff if you needed it.

Plan to call your DH when you feel you need to. It's not the most convenient thing in the world to drive for 7 hours for a false alarm but it's not the end of the world either and I'm sure your DH would rather err on the cautious side.

Thanks guys. I think I do need to talk to my midwife - I mean, birth plans aren't just about the natural birth stuff are they? Sometimes they could be about things that make us feel better. Problem is, i've been trying to get an appt with my midwife for 3 weeks and the only one I've been offered is actually considerably after my due date. Wonder if I could leave a message to ask her to phone me? Hmmm ...
Re: the 7 hour drive false alarm, what's even worse is that DH doesn't actually drive. So it'd be 7 hours on a train assuming everything runs to time followed by a several-mile run by DH to the hospital. Eeek! Sadly, have asked all friends whether they'd be comfortable being with me in early labour, and none would (most don't have, or want, kids). Any Mumsnetters live in County Durham and fancy an inpromptu gig as a doula?

Boo to your friends!! Contact the NCT - they might be able to help? Any relatives that could come to stay?

Go with your DH for a few weeks? (not the best solution!!)

Maybe you could request an induction at 40 weeks rather than waiting till 10 days afterwards. They would be planned.

I know what you mean Im 32 weeks and have recently started to panic a bit about labour. My first one ended in emcs after premature breaking of water, failed induction, failed peridural and baby starting to get distressed
I feel that I know a lot more (of the bad things) about labour than I did beforeand I am none the wiser about having a "good" labour. I am absolutly petrified and after all the horror stories I have heard about episiotomies, tears, forceps and ventouse I think I will request a cs if they say they want to use instruments? I don?t know if I can ? I am really worried...