Doula or private midwife

[albinosquirrel]

I am considering getting either a doula or private midwife for my birth (my first) - i am just not sure which/how to choose? any tips?

My reason for wanting someone else there is that my DP is extremely squeamish - he is convinced he will pass out or be sick etc and is not looking forward to it-although I don't think he would, i'd like someone there to take the pressure off him a bit so he can feel able to do as much as he can. I have also heard good things about experienced people being able to ensure that you get teh treatment you need/be appropriately assertive etc.

Are you allowed either in a hospital setting? Also- i am (at the moment) of a more drugs the better tendency- do Doula's support this - i tend to think of them in a more homebirth/natural type of environment and am a bit concerned that I wouldn't bond with soemone of more say hippy/alternative tendencies (apologies if offended anyone)

I can't imagine an nhs hospital would appreciate you turning up with your own midwife in tow .... Which one's advice would you take in an emergency or even just generally ? The nhs one would be the only one with any authority in the hospital.
A doula would be lovely to make sure you're never left alone but equally you do may step up to the mark on the day, you'll never know if he isn't fully involved and expected to help you.
Would your mum come along as a back up just in case ?

It's sounds to me like it's a doula you need rather than an independent midwife. A doula is there to support you rather than deliver your baby, and a private midwife would not be allowed to deliver your baby in hospital.

A good doula should support your birth choices whether you want to have all the drugs going or not......it's worth seeing a few to find one you have an understanding with.

Usually in an NHS hospital an indpendent midwife doesn't have the right to provide clinical care (they can only provide clinical care if they have an honourary contract with the hospital concerned which I think is quite unusual). Although they can stay with you, act as your advocate/birth partner and provide support your clinical care would be provided by the hospital team. So if all you're worried about is the birth (i.e. you wouldn't want your antenatal or postnatal care from an independent midwife) you might find a doula would suit you fine.

I think doulas tend to be more focused on natural birth but the ones I've met (all lovely) are happy to support women in hospital and their main concern is that you get the birth you want, be that with all the drugs in the world or a natural waterbirth.

I completely understand where you're coming from, one of my big concerns was how my husband would cope as he hates anything medical, hospitals etc. and that did influence my decisions about the care I wanted during my pregnancy and birth. I am using independent midwives and if I have to go to hospital they will come with me, they have done this often and say they very rarely encounter any issues/attitude from hospital staff, in fact often the very busy nhs midwives are glad to have them there.

Thanks. what is the best source of either?

I do think my DP will be great - and I hope that any Doula etc would step back and allow him to do as much as possible - but I don't want him to feel under pressure to perform - i think the pressure would make him more likely to faint/be sick etc.

I'd sooner be on my own that have my mother there - she'd want all the attention!
TBH i have had friends offer but I think i'd feel better only having someone there in a professional capacity other than DP

For IMs www.independentmidwives.org.uk.

For doulas www.doula.org.uk.

Both good starting points with "find" services.