any dvice how to support dsis aftr a third degree tear?

[itsmeolord]

y lovely sister has given birth to my first niece ths weekend but it all happened very quickly nd she has a third degree tear.
She had surgery straight away and has managed to go to the loo today.
She is very very sore though and not able to sleep.
Is there anything I could do for her/get for her to help her feel better?

She is worried about how it will heal as well, the tear is right through her anus as well as the vagina but she is not getting a lot of info.

Any advice welcomed.

try to rest as much as pos..hard with a new baby i know..just help out as much as u can..lots of baths can help heal quicker n can sooth the pain..also i know it sounds vile..but having a wee in the bath helped me..its less painful..has docs given her any laxatives..that could help with pain wen going toilet..try to eat food that will help with that too. i despair at sum health professionals they shud have given her sum advice

She has my total sympathy. i had a 3rd degree tear with DS1 (now 2 yrs 9mths) and was taken to theatre for stitching straight away. It was AGONY for a week afterwards, sitting down was difficult and I was terrifed of going to the loo.

some useful advice she might find helps is...

• drink LOTS of prune juice to avoid constipation. They prescribe lactulose to drink but I caould not have it as am lactose intolerant, but the prune juice worked a treat

• try to avoid sitting down apart from when breast feeding, lie down as much as possible

- not walk around too much or stand for long periods - start doing gentle pelvic floor exercises, but NOT the fast ones - the physio came to see me on the ward and said the long, slow gentle ones are fine but not to do the quick ones for a month

• i had an appointment to see the consultant 3 months afetrwards, if she hasn't been given this she should have as it is standard I believe. Also a follow up appointment with the physio
• have a soak in the tub each night, but not for too long and avoid overly powerful bubble bath
• if stitches are uncomfortable or seem to be getting more uncomfortable she should get midwife to check them

I was prescribed antibiotics, paracetomol and volterol for 10 days.

I really hope some of this is useful. I am now pregnant (38 +3 days) with 2nd baby and have opted for a natural delivery even though I could have ahd an elective cs. I am praying I have made the right choice and don't tear as badly again.

Hope she feels better soon

Oh the poor thing! I had a 2nd degree tear and that was bad enough but didn't involve the anus. Ouch.

I can recommend lactulose to keep everything soft. She can also hold a clean sanitary towel against her stitches as she goes for a bit of support. And yes, definitely wee in the bath or have the shower running on half power with tepid water, to stop any stinging.

Cold witch hazel on a pad can be quite soothing, and some people recommend lavender oil, or tea tree (not all at once!)

Also get her to take some arnica tablets which will speed the healing. I don't think arnica cream is recommended for broken skin. She should also try to get some air to it when she can, even if it's only 20 minutes now and then, it helps it heal faster.

A week after my tear I turned over in bed suddenly to answer screaming newborn wail and yanked my stitches, which was pretty excruciating. So tell her to take things slowly and move gently.

Her midwife should be able to get her a valley cushion which might make sitting easier. If not, tell her to try and squeeze her buttocks together before she sits. hth

Oh yes, definitely arnica tablets, need strongest ones you can get.

Oh, meant to add: I've also heard that you can get anaesthetic type sprays/creams for hemmorroids which she may or may not be able to get prescribed or even over the counter, to put on before trying for a bowel movement. However that would be something she'd need to speak to the mw or gp about first, in case it interferes with healing, or shouldn't be used on broken skin.

You lot are bloody fantastic. Thank you so much. Will print this out for her.

She is very tired and emotional right now, baby came in the early hours and she hasn't slept since then.
Poor dn has a heart murmur as well so extra stress for dsis.
Paed seems to think it will probably right itself and said it s a common thing but dsis is feeling so rubbish anyway that it ha really upset her.

Did you all heal ok after surgery? A twat woman in the same ward has told her a horror story about pooing through her vgina afterwards and it has NOT helped her state of mind.

Oh, your poor sis. I didn't have a tear but did have a difficult forceps delivery. If she can get a MW to show her how to BF lying down, that will be a Godsend. I co-slept which meant I didn't have to get up during the night - I found any movement painful. She doesn't have to co-sleep, her DH can pass her the baby if she prefers.

I really cant stand it when people tell 1st time mums horror stories..makes me mad..reality is fine i always say if asked, yes it was painful not going to lie, but you cope and its not as bad as people will have you think. Best advice give 1st timers is dont fight it, go with the flow, take help when offered, and nap as much as pos..ie when baby sleeping. HOuse work can wait.

i didn't tear quite so badly as your sister (poor her!), but by god i know the feeling of being injured down there and exhausted with a newborn, not having had any chance to physically recover.

i had to have a very wide cut (they wanted my dd born straight away and i was too out of it to push much).

they stitched it up badly (everyone who inspected it afterwards made a remark). all my stitches came out almost immediately and it also got infected....BUT......it still healed okay. Sorry i hope this is not a horror story i don't mean it to be at all, my point is that the experts were right when they said that the area will heal up okay after even quite bad damage. And if there are any problems afterwards, they can be improved on by a surgeon if necessary.

My top tip is a big fabric conditioner bottle and pour warm water with a few drops of tea tree oil in it over your bits when on the toilet.
have seen some advice of a washing up liquid bottle of water, but the jet of water squirted was too painful for me.

got to keep the area clean and dry and try to spend time letting air get to it (difficult when you're bleeding and need a pad i know).

hope she's okay soon

Well, as I said I only had a 2nd degree tear so obviously healing times, pain etc will be longer/more for your sister, but I healed really really well, within three weeks all the pain, bruising and stitches were gone and we even had sex again at that point, although we took it slowly and I couldn't feel a thing!

The only thing I would say is for her to keep in contact with her gp regarding pelvic floor issues etc, mine's not good 2.5 years later (although I am 25 weeks pregnant which doesn't help!) No poo issues though thank god.

How nice of that lady to regale your dsis with her probably embellished birth horror story Some people just don't think do they! Loads of women on mn have had 3rd degree tears and not suffered fecal incontinence, it's not a foregone conclusion, and anyway, lots can be done to cure it in the highly unlikely event that she suffered exactly the same as that woman.

Anyway, best of luck to both your dsis and dn, hope they are both much better soon. x

Thanks again everyone.

Dsis looks like she might be allowed home today with my beautiful niece.

The paed has been round again and thinks the heart murmur has settled down as he though it would so dsis is much happier about that.

She is obviously still sore but her consultant has said that they will probably discharge her today with some heavy duty anti biotics and some decent painkillers.

She is worried about feeding now because baby is not latching on properly and is very sleepy , she has expressed but is wondering if it might be the painkillers making baby sleepy.

She is really going through the mill.

This baby is so very special though, she has suffered two miscarriages, one twins and had to have fertility treatment to get pregnant in the first place so I think she is finding it very difficult now that it is not all perfect if you see what I mean.

Would dearly love to get hold of the twat woman on the ward but hopefully she will be going home today and can get settled.

The painkillers could be making the baby sleepy, can she ask the mw about it? Maybe they can change her meds to less drowsy ones, or ones which don't transfer to the breastmilk as easily. It's not usually the best idea to express until supply is established (I'm no expert on bf though)

She can get the latch checked by a bf counsellor who should be able to visit her at home, just a case of knowing who to call really, somewhere like La Leche League would probably know, or your local children's centre. The key is getting enough support early on!

She does sound like a very special baby, hard won.

I have no idea which degree my tear was classed as but I tore internally aswell as externally (DS came out with both arms up by his head) and had over 150 stitches.

Best advice I can give is to soak a pad in witch hazel and apply it a few times a day - it will feel really cold which is lovely as it numbs the area and is fantastic for helping the area to heal.

Weeing in the bath - or bidet if she's lucky enough to have one, I always wish I had one each time I've given birth - jug of lukewarm water etc, it really helps stop the stinging.

Holding a sanitary pad over the area when having a poo is amazing - I was so terrified that I would split open that I was putting off going and felt so awful until I finally confessed to MW and her suggestion was to do this - and it works.

Over the next week or so, her stitches may begin to tighten. She will know if this happens as she will feel it and it may become a lot more painful. If this happens, tell her to ask her MW to check the stitches as they can be removed if all is healing well. I fell down the stairs when DS was 8 days old - I was just so tired but luckily he wasn't in my arms at the time - and I bounced part of the way down on my bum which tightened up my stitches - ouch! MW couldn't remove them all as hadn't healed but took out a couple of the tightest which was a huge relief.

I hope your sister makes a full and swift recovery - coping with a newborn is hard enough without the added pain of a nasty tear. She is lucky to have you to help her

Ladies, once again you are all utterly fantastic.

I never cease to be amazed at how genuinely nice and helpful people can be.

La leche league is a fab idea, will try that.

Brilliant tip about tightening stitches and the witch hazel as well.

Will let you know how she (and my beautiful neice) are getting on.

Definitely hard won.

Thrilled for your sis, hope she heals quickly without problems.

See you've had loads of good advice already so will just add one point about circulation.

I had a third degree tear and the surgeon advised me to move around regularly as the stitches would heal better if I kept my circulation going. I was also told not to use a valley cushion for the same reason.