What do people do with their older child(ren) when they go into labour?

[Rindercella]

I am 32 wks pregnant with DD2. DD1 is 2.5 yrs old. I live with DH and we don't have any family within 80 miles of our home. The plan is that my MIL will come and stay after the baby is born to help out/look after DD1 (which I am very happy about as she is lovely & a great house guest). My father is scheduled to have a heart operation the same week as my due date, so understandably that totally counts my parents out from being able to come here. I am now really starting to worry about what to do with DD1 when I go into labour.

I am planning a hospital birth and am really hoping that DH will be there with me - he was a great birthing partner the first time around! If I go into labour during the day, I can easily ask a local friend if they can help out and have DD1 for a few hours. But, what happens if I go into labour in the middle of the night (as happened with DD1)? Am I going to have to go into hospital by myself? The thought terrifies me tbh!

I had a very quick labour with DD1 - first pains at 3am, got to hospital at 7am 9cm dilated and she was born at 10.15am. She was born at 39 weeks. So, I know it doesn't always follow, but I am kind of assuming that DD2 will probably be pretty quick too.

Can anyone who has been in a similar situation give me any advice please? Did you just cope by yourself? Did you plan a homebirth because of this? Did you employ a doula? Or am I just worrying about nothing and it will all be ok?

cant you ask some of your friends if they would be available to call when u go into labour, even @ night just to come & sit in ur house so dd1 not left alone. or if u have a good neighbour or anything?
i had my mum come & stay from before so it was easy 4 me, but im sure u can get someone to help. it wd be sad to have to go alone to hosp leaving dh just because of this. im sure ppl will be willing to help as its a one off & special situation

We were in exactly the same situation as you with DD2. DD1 was 22 months, no family within 80 miles and the closest at 80 miles had done her back in so couldn't drive.

You'll find LOADS of people only to happy to help out in such circumstances. Its likely you'll have a quicker birth 2nd time around so you only need someone else to look after DD1 whilst your DH is with you at the birth and he can then leave you to see to DD1 afterwards.

As it happened for us we were going to use our neighbour to babysit Hazel for us whilst we got to the hospital, but I had a VERY quick labour right over her bedtime. Turned out that once we'd got Hazel to bed, DH went to get neighbour to babysit, but before she could get her things and make it round I'd had an unscheduled homebirth in our downstairs toilet room - oops.

So in the end no need for neighbours, or to leave DD1, she just woke up the next morning and had a baby sister in the house - quite nice really.

Homebirth is quite nice - but you'd still need someone to look after DD1 whilst you were in active labour otherwise she might be worried about whats happending to Mummy.

Good luck,

I'm planning a homebirth for this reason -I'm a fast birther, and we are 4hrs from any family. If for any reason I need to be taken into hospital, I will have overnight bags ready for my 3 children and they will be dispersed amongst nearby friends who will give them a bed, breakfast and get them to school.

People do like to help especially when there is a bit of drama! An childbirth is a little everyday drama.

Rota of friends on call - the deal was if middle of night one would come to our house, if day we would take dd to them. |You'll no doubt be able to reciprocate one day!

Thanks for all your replies

Yes, think I will have to call on local friends. I think I am a little tentative in doing this as they are all friends I have made through DD, and so haven't known them for very long - and would hate to impose! I am sure that 2 or 3 of them would be happy to help if they can. I just hope I don't go into labour in the early hours again though.

I think DH is now going to ask his mother to come the week before the baby is due, so hopefully she will be around when the time comes. But I shall pack a bag for DD as well as my hospital bag...just in case!

MunchMummy at the speed of your 2nd daughter's arrival!

Glad it made you laugh - it was rather quick, even made the midwives who were called out afterwards laugh !!

Kind of makes me laugh looking back myself.

Oh, and by the way I had a 7 hr first labour - so it could happen that quickly for you

Definitely agree with the rota of friends, because not all are going to be available all the time. The closer to you the better - we were originally relying on friends who were 20 minutes away by car, but that was too far away.

My contractions started at 4.30 am and it became clear straight away that we would not have time to take her there (or get them to us), so we quickly phoned a friend from the nursery who lived on the way to the midwife unit and said 'we'll be round in 10 minutes', grabbed some clothes for dd1, wrapped her in a blanket, drove there and they took her from us at the door and put her straight back to bed. Dd2 was born at 6.30 am, so it was just as well we hurried.

Like the others, I had a 7 hour first birth and much shorter second birth, so it could be the same for you.

Local friends of neighbours would love to help - honestly! It's an exciting thing stepping in when someone is going of ot hospital to have a baby.

I got a phone call in the middle of hte night from my friend and neighbour. I was 36 weeks pregnant myself with my third -b ut was delighted that I could help her.

If you don't want to ask outright, try sharing your worries about what will happen with some of your friends - I am sure they will offer.

Totally understand your worries though. In the same boat myself, but having helped a friend before, I know this is one of those jobs that no one would mind doing. And yoru DC1 will be fine either way as you or DH will be back in no time...

Totally agree that friends (even new friends) would be happy to step in.
We're in a similar situation- I'm 36 weeks pregnant and our plan is to drop DD (age 2.3) off at her best friend's house in the village on the way to the hospital- her overnight bag is packed too just in case.
We've only known this other family since April, but they're more than happy to help, and I know that DD will be happy with her little friend about. If you have friends with other small children one more won't make a big difference and it's not as if you'll be making a habit of it! Good luck!

Munch - I promise, I wasn't laughiing at you! I was in serious shock at you giving birth in your downstairs loo!

Local friends seem the way to go...

we rang my mother and she came and stayed with the older kids.... with ds1 she was an hour and a half away and with ds2 she was 30 mins away but was stuck on icey roads for 2 hours.

i'm currently on standby to have my neighbours older two whenever she goes into labour

we had a nanny, but I lined up a few people who lived close (a couple of colleagues and parents of ds1's nursery classmates) just in case. Everyone was very willing to help. I'd pitch in in those circumstances, even for someone I didn't know well. Same thing for ds3's birth. In the end I went into labour on weekdays so nanny was there!

My parents left a note outside the bathroom door for my brother and sister (then 8 and 10) when my mum went to have me in the middle of the night... They plodded straight over it to the loo and were none the wiser in the morning. Nowadays you'd have social services knocking on the door I guess.
My friends took their twin boys along with them in the night and they slept on an armchair and woke up when the new baby was born and cried.
As for my own dd who's 2 1/2, my dh will look after her when I go into labour any time now. He's far too squeamish to be anywhere near me so I'd rather do the birth thing on my own while knowing dd is well looked after. Mind you, don't like the posts saying second labour can be quite short - sort of like the idea of it being short but not so short that I deliver at home!!

I was reserve childcare for a local friend and was actually called up because it was a day of heavy snow and so the hospital wanted my friend in asap - I was very happy to help, it's very exciting being involved in a birth in whatever form!