Hospital visitors right after birth

[Mapes]

I'm currently 37 weeks with dc#1, so starting to think more and more about the forthcoming birth. My MIL, (who is lovely and excited about this birth of what will be her gc #2), has asked dh to let her know the moment I go into labour.... She wants to know this so that she can immediately start the 2hr journey from her house to the hospital so that she can be at the hospital when the baby arrives.... I'm not sure how I feel about this- she is not my birth partner, and in any case, I wouldn't want to be visited in the delivery suite whilst still in a state of disarray. My dh seems to think that if baby arrives in the middle of the night, she would want (and be able) to see him before I get transferred to the postnatal ward.... I don't know how the logistics of this might work, and I'm worried that it might intrude on the first few precious minutes that dh and I get to spend with the baby, but I don't know how things work, not having done it before.... Does anyone have any advice regarding what I should find out, what might be expected immediately post-birth? I'm probably concentrating on inconsequential things, but hey- at least it's giving me something to do other than panic!

Did she see her first GC very soon after they were born?

If DH had let people know I was in labour I am (a) not sure when it would have been (waters broke and had niggly contractions for about 12 hours, then they really started) and (b) would not have been impressed with him .

DS was born at 2:50am - it was not the easiest of deliveries as I had to be transferred to theatre to get sewn up afterwards. If anyone had come to see me I doubt they would have been allowed anywhere near me.

I had visitors during afternoon visiting that day so around 3pm. I was in a combination of post birth high and complete worn out ness. Really wouldn't have wanted to see anyone any sooner.

When I had my dd1 we were told by the midwofe on the hospital tour that absolutely no visitors were allowed in the delivery suite. With No exeptions. There was no where for people to wait and we were told that if anyone turned up they would be sent away.

To be honest I thought that was great advice, I see no need to have people hanging around outside the doors waiting.

My dd1 was delivered in theatre in the end after being rushed there for delivery, they thought they were going to ahve to give me a section plus it was the middle of the night, so I saw no visitors until the following afternoon which suited me fine.

Just tell your mil that hospital policy doesn't allow any visitors to the delivery suite and she'll have to wait for visiting hours.

but this isn't about whether MIL is bothered about 'state of disarray'? this is about whether OP is bothered by that. I was. I would have been mortified if it had been anyone other than my sister - it's just too personal IMO

Never understand people who think they need to see baby first. You, DH and baby are the most important people in this situation and MIL is not a priority. The fact you are asking tells me you don't really fancy her coming at that time.
Tell DH he must not phone until baby arrives and you are all settled. Get the Midwives on your side, we are usually good at fielding visitors! It is a precious time not a spectator sport (unless that floats your boat I suppose)

Hi, I know you've got lots and lots of advice already but wanted to add that it is entirely your decision.

When I had dd (my first baby) She was born at 03:24 and I was exhausted, filthy with baby gunk and blood, and little did I know there was an entourage waiting for me in the corridor (my dad, mil, fil, brother in law!!!, brother, sister...) My mum was already there at the birth with dh.

Even dh's grandparents were there - it was ridiculous. I felt embarassed cos I was so filthy - and only my brother in law (who was 15 at the time) and my dad said "well done, she's beautiful" So I was angry as well. Everyone was there for baby and not me as well. On post-natal it was the same, they wouldn't have cared if it was feeding time or that I was shattered at being up all night, (as well giving birth!) with breastfeeding issues cos she was 5wks early.

With ds (second baby) He was born at 13:54, I saw nobody at all until we decided to visit on the way back from hospital - and it was bliss!!! We were discharged from postnatal at 21:15 the same day he was born and went straight to in-laws to introduce baby. Then went to my mums where dd was staying.
I was lucky that both births were fairly easy/straightforward (compared to some) although ds's was 6 hours longer .

We then had visitors at home when WE wanted. Time to get used to being a family is important.

Oh i dreaded visiting time after the births of both my DD's because of my inconsideate selfish inlaws. DH's mum and dad and 4 younger brothers and sisters piled in having not even seen us or asked about me, bump or my DD for weeks. (they dont give a damn about us) AND if that wasnt bad enough, selfish inconsiderate mother and father in law allowed 2 of their kids to bring a mate each!! So 6 hours after my c section while i still had a catheter in and a drip and felt like i had been hit by a bus, i had the inlaws, their 4 kids and 2 ignorant teenagers that i didnt even know all stood there staring at me!! Im still angry. The midwives told FIL that they had to visit in groups of 4 but he ignored them so he had to be told again and finally sent the strangers and DH's brothers and sisters to the waiting room.

Last time with DD1, also a section, not only did we have DH's mum, dad and 4 siblings but also his 2 sets of elderly grandparents, my mum, dad and 2 brothers and their wives!!! So yes, 4 hours after my section i had 16 people round my bed at once and the midwives didnt say anything, neither did DH

I would definately speak up and tell MIL to wait. If we decide to have another DC i am going to go round to everyones house and let them know that they can visit once we are at home, and that it was a bit much bringing strangers to the hospital when i had only just given birth to my baby. They were all told to visit seperately anyway but ignored us both times.

Good luck! Sorry for my rant!

OMG maybebaby And I thought my amount of visitors was bad!!!
How dare they allow kids friends to come and see you How inconsiderate!!
Am for you!! I would seriously create hell if that happened to us.

I know, im mad at myself too because i was just so shocked and doped up on drugs i just sat there glaring at them. Now im stronger 4 weeks on i have a whole load of things i want to say to them. Too late i guess. Wont happen again because i will just tell the midwives not to let anyone in!

On the 2nd day they brought the extra 2 kids again but DH finally said that they couldnt come in so they waited in the visitors room. Im sure they did it on purpose to piss me off, they are like that.

Oh poor you - they sound horrid (sorry!)

I would still tell them how you feel, it would make you feel better and maybe impress upon them that they can't just do things like that.

Congratulations on your baby girl and hope you are recovering well

Thankyou kaylo

I know it is extreme. I have never known a family like them to be honest, you would be amazed at the stories i could tell. Whole other thread that Sorry to hijack.

My blood is still boiling about my experience, i knew i shoudnt have posted about it!

OP, even if the hospital will allow her in, it would be worth stressing a first delivery can go on for a loooong time.

I like the idea of asking if she could bring things you will have forgotten.

Good luck!

I think there is a general consensus that it's not great to let her know so she can rish to your bedside.

I had 36 hours of pre-labour with my first when I knew I was in labour, then went to hospital at 6pm and she wasn't born until 2am so if that is the case with your MIL she will have a long wait! Even with my second I had a good day build up and 7 hours of obvious labour. I didn't even want my mum to know I was in labour and she lived in Cyprus. I didn't want people ringing H if they hadn't heard anything and it was taking a while!

If it is the middle of the night it is extremely unlikely that she will be allowed in to visit.

You should be VERY clear with your H that you will be unhappy with him if he doesn't listen to you on this one. Ask him to tell your MIL that he will call as soon as the baby is born as the midwives will not allow any visitors in the delivery suite and they usually keep you in there for a good few hours anyway. And then they will need time to transfer you to the ward and other visitors are not allowed until visiting time but that you would love her to come as soon as the first slot is. Make sure she has a set of your house keys and ask her to bring a blanket for the baby (even if you have one already). Also say that you would love for her to bring you a few snacks/nice fruit juice/fruit as you've heard that the food is rubbish. People LOVE having a job to do and if that delays her while she goes to the shops then it's a good thing.

You say that your MIL is lovely so she should understand as long as you are clear! Just blame it on hospital guidelines if you're not brave enough to request it. it doesn't matter as long as you are happy and not feeling under pressure!