anxiety/ depression and vbac -what to do?

[seanchai]

First time writing here! I need some reassurance - if possible, and some advice from people who might know how I feel.

I'm 38 and expecting no. 2 after a five year gap. I'm usually happy, work as a teacher, enjoy being a mum, but I have had problems intermittently with anxiety and depression since a teenager.

I had a phobia about childbirth since I was small, based on my mum telling me about her experiences which were really tough.

My little boy was born by C section because he was breech and this turned out to be a blessing in disguise because everything was so calm and I felt I could cope.

Now the doc seems to want me to have a vaginal birth and my head is all over the place. In my heart I'd love to be brave and do it, but the amount of anxiety I feel about it is crippling at times, and I think towards the end, not knowing when it will happen or what it will belike or if I'll be able to cope, the anxiety will get out of hand.

I think deep down I'll probably get through fine, like all other mums do: It's normal, natural and everyone else manages without going to pieces, don't they?

On the other hand, I've been through a few really bad things which have triggered the depression and I'm afraid that if I go through with it and it turns out to be horrendous then it'll probably trigger my depression and that's the last thing I need when I have a little baby.

I may sound like a coward, but I have had these problems and I tend to handle them fairly well these days, I just want to stay on an even keel, but I feel as though I can't talk to anyone about these things because no-one will understand how I feel.

I feel that childbirth is such a gamble - who knows what it will be like? It could be a brilliant experience or it could be awful. Do I try to persuade the doc (who is still open to the idea) that I need another section because of my mental health problems or do I jsut bite the bullet and hope for the best?

I'm terribly upset and I can't even talk about it to my lovely husband who is so supportive.

I'd be grateful if anyone could share some comfort with me.

Hi seanchai, welcome to mumsnet

I think you need to do whatever you feel comfortable with. You have every right to choose another c section if you have had one before.

I havent experienced a c section or Vbac but will bump this for you so that someone who has will see and give you some advice.

Good luck

Thanks, mama2moo, that's kind ;)

I suggest you try a natal hypnotheraphy CD or a course if you have the money.

www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk/

Certainly some people do have horrific birth experiences, but knowledge is power. There are ways that you maximise your chances of a happy birth experience.

I had a lot of sucess with the natal hypnotheraphy CDs. My neighbour used them and she had a traumatic birth, but weirdly it made her feel confident that she was in control and the intervention she had was right for her.

I think the CDs help pregnant women sleep better. This aids mental health however your child is born.

thank you, that's a really useful idea
I'll look them up

Hi, I think Reallytired is right and the feeling that you are in control will make you feel much more confident about the birth, however it works out.

I had a c-section the first time and had the choice to choose another one or try for vbac. I did try vbac but it ended in another section, which wasn't ideal. But it was likely that I would need another section as both of my babies were big, with big heads and shoulders! I was aware of this, however, I was happy to have the opportunity to try.

Your doctor should be open to what you want, not trying to impose his/her own opinion on you, just giving you the facts.

Why don't you keep an open mind for now and see how the pregnancy progresses and don't listen to any horror stories. I know plenty of people who have had straightforward births so it is possible! And at least you know what to expect if you do decide to opt for a second section.

Relax and good luck.

Seanchai,
I had my first by ELCS due to my fears of childbirth and will also be having this one this way too. Although your consultant may try to get yo to try VBAC if you insist that it's not for you they will be unlikely to force you. If so ask to be referred for a second opinion. Good luck.

Thanks, MyBoysHaveDogsNames,

I think you and mama2moo are right - I must be feeling that things are out of my control. Its good to know alot of people have straight forward births.

I do feel ressured that if I had another section I'd know what I'm doing, that's true. Fearof the unknown is bad.
Thanks for taking time to reply.

Chynah,
did you have to persuade your doc first time for the section?
Do you feel okay about having another one?

I wanted a normal birth with ds but wasn't to be due to his hugeness my smallness and poor positioning despite me doing everything I could.
I had a cs. I took months to come to terms with it and still feel I failed some days.
I will nit be having a vbac with other dc! I need to feel in control and can't face a repeat performance.
If you need cs to feel in control and get the best possible start with dc then do it. Explain your feelings to your dr and get what YOU want!

hi,
I also had a c-section for my first (breech) and have just had a sucessful vbac (6 days ago).
I have also had anxiety problems in the past and like you was getting more and more worried the nearer I got to my due date.
This time round it certainly wasn't what i would call straight forward and wasn't without its moments of fear but it was in the end the most empowering and wonderful thing I have ever done. I am so very proud of myself and glad that I decided to try for a vbac.
I used TENS and CD's for the early stages and they definately took the fear away somewhat at a time when your thoughts could run away with you. As things progress your mind will go elsewhere and if your midwife and partner are calm you will feel so too.
The final pushing stage was amazing and I think more so because I was so keen for my vbac to be sucessful. I loved the confidence I suddenly had and fear didn't cross my mind.
What ever your decission you will end up with a perfect baby and that is what you need to keep focussed on. C-sections can be just as wonderful I'm sure and if you gut instint is to have another then go for it.
If you try vbac and all goes well for you the pride you will feel will be with you for ever.
Good luck x

Seanchai,
I had a hard job getting a section last time and ended up changing consultant for second opinion (even then I doubt I would have got it without my husband being so forceful in backing up my request). Whilst obviously not overjoyed at the thought of surgery I am relieved that my consultant has agreed my next section as to me the very thought of a vaginal bith is horrific.

Thanks, mrsflux,
I really like what you said about getting the best possible start. It rings true.
I wonder why we feel failed sometimes?
p.s. what is dc?

You are so brave, perfectmummy!
quite an inspiration. Reading your story I think I am just low on confidence right now.

I'm going to do what MyBoysHaveDogsNames suggests and see how things go, but bear all the things that everyone has said in mind.
Thanks everyone, for being so supportive. It really helps to know you're out there X

seanchi dc is darling child (as not sure if will be ds or dd!)

best of luck for whatever birth you choose!

Hi There
Have you considered a doula?
I have supported women having VBAC's and also with a gistory of anxiety depression (see some birth stories on here www.magicalbirth.co.uk).
A doula (see www.doula.org.uk to search for doulas local to you) would get to know you and your partner during your pregnancy. TAlk through your last birth and options for this one and guarantee to be with you for your labour, from the minute you want them till after the birth (and beyond!)
They can help you prepare, keep calm and cope with labour. Some research suggests having a doula lowers your chance of developing post natal depression.
Good luck with everything.
Selina x

Thanks, Selina.
I have never heard of a doula, but sounds amazing! It certainly soundly like someone who could keep your confidence up.
Will look into it.
Thanks

I don't know if any of you will see this, but here's an update!

After a lot of soul searching dh and I agreed on cs so all would be calm and I wouldn't have to take anti-anxiety meds, etc.

As it turned out ds2 had other ideas and decided to come early! Waters started leaking a month early so went into hospital for check and they kept me in. Had to have a section then anyway cos of previous - I got the impression you can't get induced after previou cs? so anyway decision was out of my hands which made me feel less guilty and wimpy!

anyway, as I was going into theatre the male consultant doing the op says - You could have delivered this baby normally. It's only small. -

I was upset by this - he clearly hadn't read my notes! Anyway, at end of op he says You were right to have a cs, baby was footling breech and jammed in so prob would have been emergency anyway.

so I guess it all worked out for best!

It's so good just to be this side of it and have beautiful ds. He's worth all the worry!

Again, a massive thanks to everyone who showed me support. It helped so much when I was really feeling low. Your concern meant so much xx