homebirth when already have two under4s at home??

[steph1512]

hi i had a fantastic lovely experience when i had my first daughter at the local birth centre 10min away which has a lovely postnatel area in which i stayed in for3nights couldnt of asked for better help or support from staff even got offered rest bite in the night to get sum sleep.

with my second daughter i ended up having an also painful but lovely homebirth experience. i had palnned on having her at the birth centre again but unfortunately it was close ddue to staffing issues.
i oculdnt fault the labour experience but have to say that i was obviously straight back2it as already had my first daughter at home althou she wasnt present at birth she was at my mother in laws but she wasnt keen on having her long (shes lovely but think she finds it all a bit tiring)

3rd birth (due 1st april) so wondering what to do this time???
i am thinking it would be lovely to give birth in the comfort of my own home again n have all the home comforts afterward, but i then have to remind myself that my only real babysitter my mum in law is not going to want both girls (2and 3yr9th) for long therefore i would not get much of a break or my selfish bit of alone time with new arrival.
so should i go to birth centre n have the option of stayin in a couple of night to rest n have a bit of time with new baby also being able to relax knowing that girls are safely at home with their daddy apart from when he visits me!?! decisions decisions.
part of me wonders if this time round when the time comes ill b missing the girls n end up going home soon after therefore may end up thinkin i should have just had home birth.

any thoughts or personal experiences of birth n after with littles ones around would be much appreciated..ps apoligies if i have waffled on slightly hehe

I have no home birth experience myself as have always had sections but my friend had a home birth (not through choice). She has 2 other children aged 2 and 5 and gave birth on her living room floor very quickly (ambulance didnt even have time to get there). She thought it was nice to be able to stay at home and be with all her children straight after, however during the quick delivery her other children were very distressed as they were very concerned about there mam, and her husband ended up having to keep the children upstairs as it was very traumatic for them.

I know its a completley different situation but just something to consider how your children would feel seeing and hearing you in pain x

I've got a 2.5 yr old and a 4 yr old and am booked at a birthing centre.

The thought of being away for a night or so is why!

It's hard work doing labour and I think by at least being out of the house for 24 hours or so gives you the chance to sit and rest and concentrate on feeding - something I know I will not be able to do at home with the kids bothering me.

Just 1 day to myself and new baby is what I am asking for and I don't think I would get that with a homebirth.

I had DS2 at home in the pool in the dining room whilst DS1 (who was almost 4yo) was eating his breakfast and watching TV in lounge. He stopped in and out as he pleased and brought me a chocolate biscuit to cheer me up! Because we'd used hypnobirthing I was quite calm and told him that I was OK.

When I actually delivered the baby, my best friend called DS1 into the room and gave him a big cuddle whilst telling him how exciting it was (DH was busy holding my hand!) Afterwards he told me he wasn't scared and that it was great seeing his brother coming out my "noo"(!!), although apparently the water in the pool was "yucky and disgusting"! I really treasure the photos I have of the four of us immediately after DS2 was born.

I think your decision will depend on how calm you think you can remain during labour and what support you'll have around you to help with the children. If my best friend had thought DS1 was getting distressed for a second she'd have taken him upstairs to play.

I had baby no 3 at home whilst one child (19months) was still asleep (it was early morning) and another (just 3) was in the room with me.

Like another poster has said, it's important to talk about what might happen with the child(ren) and only you know how that might happen and what level of information to offer. My daughter knew a lot. She is highly inquisitive and bright and was fascinated with all the equipment etc.

I explained the noise by just saying that it was hard work letting a baby come out but that the noise didn't necessarily mean I was unhappy or hurting.

Her dad held her throughout too - so maybe think about what support you need from your birth partner and where the child(ren) will be.

It was really important to me that we weren't separated and it was a magical experience us all welcoming the new baby together. They're still so little and dependent that it just seemed a natural decision to want them both to have the opportunity to be there and luckily, it paid off.

Hi steph I am currently sitting in my bedroom with my feet up after giving birth at home to DC3 (our first boy!). My girls are 4 and 2.5 and have been great. BUT only because my DH is amazing. The MW insisted that I stay in bed for a week after the birth to give my body a chance to recover and for me to get to know the baby (he is now 6 days old).

If you think your DH can manage 2 toddlers and you can let go of control enough to let them all get on with it, and maybe get MIL to bring in cooked dinners in the evening, then go for it. If, on the other hand, the thought of listening to the sounds of chaos descending around you would be too stressful then go to the birthing centre

For us it has worked brilliantly being at home.

When my sister was born at home we were 3, 7 and 8. I don't think we had a babysitter. I remember just sort of ambling in an out of the bedroom feeling vaguely curious while mum was in labour. No problems keeping us out of the room while she was actually giving birth- I don't think we were overly fussed to be honest, we were probably overjoyed to be allowed to sit in front of the TV! Afterwards, the memory of seeing my brand new sister on mum and dads' bed is still with me 20 odd years later. Then we all (plus the cat) climbed onto their bed and had lovely family time together. In the photos it certainly looks like my mum is enjoying it, I hope that was the case in reality! It was a really special time.

Thanks for all your replies all really interesting..think if i go fro the home birth option (still undecided) i would like to do the actual labour part without my girls around..im too worried about scaring or upsetting them..i have been very noisy during labour and dispite being determind not to be 2nd time round i was not able to control it im normally fairly quite n dont really do shouting so think it would really worry my elsdest daughter especially.

Think i might prepare for both by having the home birth kit n maybe going with my instinct at the time. also i have had two quick labours therfore if i have the necessary home birthing kit as with my 2nd if things progress very quickly then i can choose to stay home instead of trying to make hospital! the midmifes have all seemed shocked that i would not automatically want a home birth this time as it all went so well last time.

motherofsnortpigs, congratualtions sounds like everything has gone so well and your youngest are similar ages to what my girls will be when number3makes an appearance. how r u finding having3?? no its very early days and you, quite rightly are getting your much earned rest what a fab dh u have.

My other half is to very hands on n would also help as much as poss but i feel it would be me (bit of control freak) that wouldnt be able to ignore anything going on else where n would end up doing alot straight away as i wouldnt be able to control it..on the other hand if i go to birth centre and stay in a cant hear anything so can switch off get sum rest and get to know new baby..my worry is that when the time comes ill of ended up labouring at birth centre only to be missing girls so end up back home either same or following day!! if this was the case i may aswell just have stayed at home.

What about having a Doula (either birth or post natal or both?) to help you and your husband?
Do take the time to explain things to them properly. Maybe your MIL could help with one or both of the girls for a few hours of the day?

Good luck. I had number 3 with first two at home (DS age 2 asleep and DD1 aged 4 shouting 'Come on Midwives!' out of the window.) Have no mums around but a good friend came round to do bedtime and expert distraction techniques. Had DD2 in the bathroom - quite quickly. I am very quiet giving birth - all energy internalised I think!? so noise not a problem.

Was wonderful. D1 was first to hold DD2 once she was wrapped up. They adore each other. Would do it again for sure.

Hi Steph. Life with 3 is lovely so far. DD1 is really good at looking after her brother and adores being the eldest. DD2 is a bit sad she isn't the baby any more and has been a bit tantrumy and awkward (she is a more lively child anyway).

Losing control is a bit hard, particularly as I'd had a good nesting session the day before DC3 arrived and knew that the house was pretty much in order. When I ventured downstairs after a few days, it did look like a tornado had ripped through it. Hey ho, they don't seem to care, so why should I? Being full of really good pain relief helps

I went to hospital with my third because I thought a little rest after being up all night in labour would be nice only to find they practically kick you out after 6 hours with your third and tbh I was glad to go, some woman's husband brought their toddler and a fire engine to meet the new baby so you can imagine how restful that afternoon was.

i had home birth both time - and husband was at home to do for DD last time, and provide the necessary tea & biscuits for me ..

it was planned and no problem. DD went to bed for her afternoon nap (she didn't sleep cos she'd twigged something was up, but twittered happily to herself) whilst i was attended by DH & my Mum...
Of course if you labour at night, hopefully they'll be tucked up in bed...

if your Dh is at home - won't he look after your dcs for you? You are more likely to get P&Q at home than on a maternity ward next to other mums & new babies...

dont think my MIL will be up for helping out much but im sure she would have the girls at least while i was in labour..n myhusband would obviously be around to help i just struggle to switch off with girls around afterwards n would find myself feeling guilty if i didnt attempt to play with them etc.

luckily the local birth centre is happy to have me as long as i feel i want to stay..n tbh i found it more like a hotel when i went there with my first daughter, ther is a little dining room next to you with all the breakfast set out like a b&b a wide selection of nice food to order at the begin of each day for lunch and dinner maternity assistants always checking if your ok n asking if you would like a drink biscuit etc! the really do look after you well but if i get itchy feet n want to get back to girls suppose none of that will change those feelings

luckily always fairly quiet unfortunately meaning it keeps having the threat of closing. a real shame if it did as they told me at last appt they have been having 3births a day on average but no noe is staying in..must just be me that likes the pampering

dispite it all being so nice i have def noticed myself looking at the delivery rooms thinking they just dont seem as nice to give birth in as the living room hehe but i suppose if the labour is another quick one i wont be in the delivery room long!!