Due 14th Feb, v. nervous - any tips?

[pickle75]

Expecting a girl on 14th Feb, although I seem to feel she'll be late. First pregnancy and feeling very nervous. Have tried to not think too much about it during the whole pregnancy as I figured it wouldn't help. However, excitement has generally been fairly low down on the list of emotions and I think that's because my anxiety has blocked the positive feelings. Also, for the last 5-6 wks, I've had unexpected flutters of anxiety, like stomach lurches, "I've got an exam in the morning and I've done no revision" type feeling, that occurs throughout the day, lasting only seconds at a time, but happen v. randomly i.e. not when I'm thinking about birth/babies, but when I'm at work, talking and my mind on other things. When I mentioned this to the midwife she said she could refer me to the consultant which to be honest, only served to heightened my anxiety as it appeared the feelings weren't common. Can anyone relate to these anxiety flutters or have any words of advice? Many thanks

Pickle - I was you almost 4 months ago but didn't really mention it to anyone for fear of coming across as a big wimp! Trust me, if I can go through labour and deliver a baby at the end with no pain relief then ANYONE can!

I was very anxious about everything from the time of day contractions would start, how they would feel, how I would cope, to even worrying about stage 3 of labour! I pretty much worried about EVERYTHING regarding labour.

I intentionally avoided all baby books and didn't want to hear anyone's birth stories because I figured every labour is different and mine will be unique to me. In hindsight I am glad I did this because it allowed me to just 'go with the flow' during labour. I also didn't have a birth plan for the very same reason. I found that once labour had started a lot of my anxiety disappeared because by then I was actively doing something, rather then simply worrying about it.

Being referred to a consultant seems a tad extreme to me as I imagine every woman who is having their first baby is very nervous. For me it was the fear of the unknown, if you know what I mean? I remember saying to my husband (through sniffly tears!)"if I just knew how painful it would be or how bad it will get them I would be able to handle it". Again, on reflection I would say I was more anxious of the 'not knowing' rather than the actual labour.

Trust the midwives completely and they will be an amazing source of strength and encouragement - they are the professionals remember and do this all the time.

Once you are holding your baby in your arms for the first time you will experience feelings as yet unknown to you, regardless of you labour. Trust those around you but more importantly, trust yourself. When the feelings of anxiety surface, acknowledge them and perhaps spend a few minutes (when it's appropriate) talking yourself through the feelings you have. You will amaze yourself (I know I did) and when you are holding your bundle of joy in your arms you will feel like you can take on the world!

Congratulations on your pregnancy and sending you lots of positive vibes for Feb 14th.

Thank you. Your message is very reassuring. You are exactly right, it is the fear of the unknown. Right now I could vocalise, or pinpoint, what I am worried about, it is simply the not knowing. I hate needles but I can't say it's even that which is worrying me. It's comforting to hear someone that felt like this - I've got lots of friends recently that have had babies and although some have acknowledged some worry, i seem to be on another level to them. I have always wondered how more mothers don't spend 9 mths worrying about the labour and now I know - I haven't! In fact, friends have reported they have been more worried about what happens afterwards. In actual fact, I feel much more relaxed about those aspects - I know it's not going to be easy having a newborn child in my care for the first time, but feel i'll take it a step at a time, I know I'll have a lot of support and I know I'll get through it. Just wish I could apply the same logic to the labour. Thank you Maldivemoment for taking the time to reply though, it's been helpful.

My biggest fear was always giving birth-until I did it!

Had easy time with first-no pain relief, no stitches.
So, it wouldn´t be that easy the second time would it-panic panic!!

Well,I did have gas & air, but again no stitches.

Went to hospital after waters broke.
Lost plug/had a pain & told midwife-I was 8cms!

When it starts you are imo too busy to be anxious.

Have a birth partner you trust & feel comfortable with.

Tell them what you want from them.
I told my husband to make sure I listened to the midwives & tell me what they said if necessary & on no account to tell me "push push, pant pant, you´re doing fine" etc.

Also do what feel right.
I had second on all fours on floor-when it was time to push I just could not get onto the bed!

I know exactly where you're coming from! Due 13th Feb and have been having just what you're describing for a couple of weeks now. It feels like it's not baby-related because it happens at completely random times, but doesn't seem to be triggered by anything specific. However, it results in a weird panic-like sensation, coupled with nausea.

I was starting to think it was just me - I've been trying to explain it to a few people who have all looked at me as if I'm completely bonkers - probably because I've been describing it as a feeling of 'mental discomfort' as opposed to 'physical discomfort'! But the 'not having revised for an exam' seems to sum it up pretty well - maybe I'll try using that one instead!

So glad I saw your post!

Hi! I had our DD 4 weeks ago (in fact this time 4 weeks ago i was in the birthing pool!)and she was 8 days overdue. I was pretty scared about it all, but found that once you go into labour your body sort of takes over anyway. Be open minded about it all and as maldivemoment said, trust the midwives and hospital staff. They really will help you through it. The best piece of advice I had was from my mum, who told me that in her experience; "it was very painful, but you soon forget it!" IME, that was exactly how it was.
I think it possibly helps to have some understanding of the scientific process your body undergoes, espcially in terms of th hormones, and how the contractions peak and trough and that sort of stuff-then you maybe won't be as scared about the different stages you will go through. Hope this maybe helps a bit? best of luck, I am sure you will be just fine.

pickle75.. I am also due the 14th Feb.. with number 4.. and I am still anxious about the birth.. but everyoine is right when the time comes.. you are too focused on ewhat is happening and the emotions are flying .

I also second that whilst in labour do what you feel is comfortable..
Why dont you come on over to the due in Feb thread in the antinatal threads..

Hi pickle
I'm due on Feb 21st (although, like you, I'm fully expecting to go beyond that before the baby makes her actual appearance).

If fear of the unknown is what's giving you these panicky feelings, then reading up on the process may actually reassure you, as BexJ suggested.

I found my own worries about labour and giving birth were laid to rest by reading stuff by Sheila Kitzinger and Janet Balaskas (both natural birth advocates), which went into a lot of detail about the physical and emotional sensations of the whole process. It was fascinating, moving and overwhelmingly reassuring. I know it's going to be no picnic, but I don't feel scared anymore.

And yes - do talk to other women who've been through it. You may, as you say, get one or two horror stories, but keep reminding yourself that your experience of birth will be unique to you, whatever may have happened to other women.

Two invaluable pieces of advice from mother friends of mine:

"Yes, there will be pain, but it's bearable pain"

And

"Always travel hopefully"

Good luck - whenever and however it happens!

Thanks everyone. Yesterday I bought a hypnobirthing CD - can't believe I'm typing that as it's usually not my sort of thing, but I read the booklet last night and it looks to be v. helpful. Will let you know how I get on. It's reassuring to know that someone has been having the same feelings as me, Myoldboots.
I will try to find the due in Feb thread in the antinatal threads. Thanks for the tip-off as didn't know it was there.

Hi, pickle, I am coming late to this but here goes:

All the above is v good advice/shared experience, I hope it will help.

Do not get too bogged down about labour/deliver as it will end. The real journey with your baby/child is then only beginning.

Your birth experience will be unique to you.
Bear in mind that people are usually keener to share their horror stories rather than positive experiences - some kind of weird showing off ("oh yes, I was in labour for 2 weeks, sick with pain, ripped from A to B" rather than "yes, I had pain, but every contraction I had was one that would never come again, most exciting thing I ever did in my life, would do it again in a jiffy").

You feel you might go overdue - you might. You might not. Who knows, baby will come when she is ready. A normal pregnancy is anything from 38 to 42 weeks. You are likely to have an easier time of it if you go into labour on your own, so IME do not agree to induction before 42 weeks (my DS1 who had been due on Valentine's Day as well was induced at 42+1, was ok, but not as exhilarating as the delivery with DS3 at 41+5, was a VBAC after emCS for DS2).

I think you are likely to find hypnobirthing exercises really beneficial. Do the exercises lots and regularly so you get good at them.

Trust your body. Women have been doing this since time began.

I am hoping to do it all again in March...

Very best of luck to you

Hi pickle
I was absolutely bricking it before having my DS, who is now 16 months. Another Mner kindly copied me her hynobirthing CD, and it really helped me! I didn't use it during the birth, didn't even think to - and I wish I had remembered to take it in with me! But just in terms of relieving anxiety, it was amazing. Also reading the Ina May Gaskin book, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth helped loads as well. Those two things in conjunction were the only way I could calm down from my mad anxiety of the unknown, my fear of what it would be like, of not knowing. I'm not to hot on the 'not knowing' part of life

Good luck pickle, you'll be fine. You will forget any pain when you see your baby. x