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Childbirth

Share experiences and get support around labour, birth and recovery.

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Original poster

Tips please for introducing new baby to first child

11 replies

Leeka · 30/12/2009 20:41

I'm due with no.2 in two weeks, and would be grateful for any tips on making bringing home a new baby a less traumatic experience.

My ds will be staying nearby with my mum whilst I'm in hospital (having planned CS due to placenta praevia) then presumably coming in to visit, and home with us when we go home. Grandma is his favourite person in the world, so that is not a problem at all.

Are there any good books on the subject?

How did you do it and did it work well? He is nearly 2, btw.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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3littlefrogs · 30/12/2009 20:45

It is nice if the baby brings a present for his/her big brother. Also, make sure visitors and relatives pay attention to the 2 yr old, and don't make too much fuss of the new baby. The baby won't know or care, but the 2 yr old will.

Original poster

Leeka · 30/12/2009 20:48

Ah, present is a good idea. Although we've just had present overkill, I reckon a dvd will go down very well and also be useful in keeping him occupied when I'm struggling with the new addition.

OP posts:

loubielou31 · 30/12/2009 22:14

I've been told to make sure that I'm not holding the baby when my two year old first meets him or her but to make sure that my arms are free for big cuddles. Also the baby is bringing a present for DD and DD one for the baby. Also due in two weeks but am playing the waiting game.

Aranea · 30/12/2009 22:17

Make sure that when your mum (or any other important people) come to meet the new baby, they don't go to the baby first but to your ds. You will be very aware of not putting his nose out of joint and will probably do a very good job of putting him at the centre of everything, but make sure that others are primed to do the same.

Aranea · 30/12/2009 22:19

Also - if you put the new baby in a sling, your ds can almost forget the baby is there for a lot of the time, which is helpful.

Piffpaffpoff · 30/12/2009 22:44

My DS was two when DD was born. I was terrified about the effect of it all on DS but it was really all fine. He was staying with my mum and so she spent all morning coaching telling him all about the baby, what she was called, what she might do/not do and they also went out to the shops and bought her a present. When DH brought him to the hospital to visit, I made sure she was in the wee plastic crib and I made a very big fuss of him and DH before introducing him to little sis. He gave her the present and was pretty thrilled with her to be honest.

Longer term, the most important impact on his life was that he suddenly got to watch A LOT more telly, so as far as he was concerned it was all good!

lentildiva · 30/12/2009 23:40

I had DD at home and after the birth I put her in one of those 'side-car; co-sleeping cots attached to our bed. DS (2 1/2) had already climbed into the bed in the night and so he woke up to find his new sister there. I said "look, the baby came out of mummy's tummy while you were asleep last night" and he said "she's lovely", had a quick look, then ran off to play with his fireman sam.

mumof2point5 · 31/12/2009 06:01

hi
i got my 2 year old to help before ie buying small nappies, getting his baby car seat ready, putting away newborn clothes in a special drawer.
he also brought baby a pressie (her going home clothes!) and helped me dress her while dad took all my junk to the car. he still looks at pics and talks about his pressie to her and how she got him choc buttons and a digger.
we talked lots before about how babys can't do anything but cry and made a game of crying like a baby - he thought this was great. so when we got her home and she cryied we talked about the game and tried to guess what wrong - ie sleep, nappy, eat . . . .
plus did what pp said re not holding,
something here worked.......not sure if all or just one
funny, his sis is now 15mths and he just suggested getting rid of her! she can steal his toys now.........

mumof2point5 · 31/12/2009 06:01

ps good luck!

blowninonabreeze · 31/12/2009 06:19

I've got exactly 2 years between mine, DD1 is now 3.8 but still talks about the fact that whilst mummy was in hospital having DD2, she went to buy a (helium) baloon for the new baby from the flower shop. (I'm pretty sure most of her memory is from photos) but it was a big hit at the time and she was so sweet trying to get DD2 to hold it.
We read this book alot. Its by the man who used to write purple ronnie if you remember that stuff? So it has a nice rhyme to it and nice pictures, DD1 still likes it.

Best of luck

kif · 31/12/2009 07:23

I asked my mum and DH to set up a 'zero'th birthday party' for Ds(newborn) when i came home from hospital.

Ds got Dd a special present. It is a fab toy in general - but also had lots of relevant 'playing through the issues' potential - she immediately identified herself with the little girl and Ds(newborn) as the little boy.

Before the baby arrived, I was very easy on myself. Spent more time than I strictly needed lying on the sofa directing Dd with my voice rather than by physically getting involved iyswim. My thinking was that Dd would be used to me being less active, so she wouldn't 'blame' the new baby for the change in my behaviour (and so that we had practiced her listening to spoken instructions).

I was very careful with my language after the baby arrived. I bent over backwards to avoid the baby being the cause of any punishment/negativity for her. E.g. if she wanted to go out while the baby was sleeping, I claimed that mummy was tired as a reason for staying in etc etc. When in doubt. Dd took priority - as the child with a memory and worries! So if they were both crying at once Dd got looked to first. I figured the that best long term gift I could give Ds was his sister's unequivocal love and support.

I also troweled on the 'oh look, the baby likes you'/'isn't he lucky to have a sister like you' kind of language.

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