36 weeks, still not sure about delivery plan...Scared!!

[cornerstone75]

36 weeks, and still dont know what is happening with my delivery. Had v.v.traumatic delivery with my DD and ended up being transferred to hospital for surgery due to 3 rd degree tearing (had given birth at a midwife lead birth unit as wanted it to be as natural as poss)
soooo, was initially told i could have ELCS, this was then changed when i was about 20 weeks, due to the degree of the tear?? The first doc (and operating doc) told me it was a 3a as it didnt go through the sphincter,but subseuently it appears to be a 2nd degree tear..(not sure on this still) and as I am not incontinent (lucky me eh), i wont be offered ELCS automatically. got referred to birth options clinic to discuss my..er, options..and have only just heard from the midwife who works there! Now the midwife wants to accompany me to my next consultant appt and already paranoid she will try to pressure me out of ELCS. I do not want to go through the same thing again, and am literally not sleeping because i cant stop thinking about it. at my last check up, I pointed out that I am pretty close to my due date, and asked what would happen if i went into labour before 38/39 weeks (or wehenever the hell i finally, if ever, get booked in for CS)... the answer? "if you go into labour at 36/37 weeks, baby will be smaller anyway so you should be fine for vaginal delivery". I cried all the way home, and most of that evening. Just feeling very very powerless and bloody terrified. I terminated a pregnancy 2 years ago through fear of childbirth, and just cant believe i am in this position so late in the day.

Oh poor cornerstone, I do feel for you.

I'm sure they all mean well, but there is a big difference between someone who is scared about giving birth but could possibly be helped through with a bit of counselling and an early epidural and someone who is downright phobic-terrified like you seem to be.

I would hope that once you have explained the extent of your terror to the birth clinic they will offer you an ELCS.

In the meantime all I can suggest is to try not to think the worst until you have actually spoken to them. We live in a very 'box ticking' society and this referral might just be a formality before they can authorise your ELCS.

thank you for your lovely message

I think you're spot on about the box ticking, the last DR I saw (it's a different one every time), told me they had to refer me before a decision was made but that she was very sympathetic to how I felt ( I had gnawed off most of my fingernails during the appt so think my anxiety was obvious!!)

Going to try and distract myself over the weekend and wait for this appointment, packed everything for me and baby now so feel slightly more in control for what that's worth!!

Thanks again x

Cornerstone,

Can you write your (very valid) reasons down for wanting a lscs. Not just the bare facts of the previous tear but how its affected you since, how terrified you are , etc of a vaginal birth.

Then if you feel pressured or get upset when you meet the consultant you can read it off your bit of paper. I sometimes do this for Dr appointments as I can go to bits sometimes and forget my name never mind any symptoms!

Good luck.

thank you for that stripeypants and i will do that, and get DH to do the same. Because we can both be a bit too nice and I think part of the fear is that i will be pressured into something i dont want, so that will help. will also be useful if i am too tearful to talk lol!!

really happy i posted tonight, has made me feel much more optimistic about the whole thing

Don't let them pressure you! Just practice what ou are going to say, what they might ask, and how you are going to object to it. Bit like job interview

I was pressured into agreeing an induction date my 1st time and spent a day in hosp the day before as all the stress had made ds go mad - they then thought his heart rate was dipping but it was only him having a rest between bouts of stress-induced flapping, poor little sod. This time, if one more midwife says 'you should have a home birth' I will kick her!

aw bless, poor little thing, hope he was ok during delivery?

I agree with your point about MWs...the first appt I had with this pregnancy, the MW heard what happened with my DD and then proceeded to say "you know you could try a home birth"! WTF!! Because I had said my labour at home was fine, the probs were with delivery....but just, utterly ridiculous suggestion after 1st experience and probably what has made this into such a stressful pregnancy

aw bless, poor little thing, hope he was ok during delivery?

I agree with your point about MWs...the first appt I had with this pregnancy, the MW heard what happened with my DD and then proceeded to say "you know you could try a home birth"! WTF!! Because I had said my labour at home was fine, the probs were with delivery....but just, utterly ridiculous suggestion after 1st experience and probably what has made this into such a stressful pregnancy