Finally having my Home Birth... BUT should my 3.8yo go to her aunties or stay with us?

[stellamel]

After being refused permission to use the Birth Centre at the local hospital (pre-eclampsia with last birth). I have pushed for a home birth and am getting one, all typed up in green notes, magic

But one thing I am totally undecided on. Should my 3.8yo DD be present, or at least stay in the house? My mum and my partner will be there, so someone should be with her. Mum thinks she should be allowed to stay, that to see her baby brother being born would be a fantastic exprience, but I am worried that DD is too little, and might be scared or upset to see me in pain, the blood etc. I thought DD could go to Aunties round the corner (5 mins).

What experiences has any one else got? or what would you do in my position?

TIA

I shipped mine out to a friend/neighbour when ds2 was born. I handle labour by putting my head down and getting on with it, and the last thing I can handle is a child or two underfoot.

I had romantic notions of them playing upstairs, and a nice short labour, but that's not how it turned out. Because I got in the pool too soon and knocked contractions off the dcs actually ended up having a sleepover at friends and then when ds2 arrived at 10pmish we had our first night with just him.

I personally wouldn't have her there. When I had my HB, my Dcs were there but they were 8 and nearly 12 but even still, I was conscious of them being around and although at the very end I didn't give a minkeys who could hear me they did comment afterwards that I 'swore a lot'

Your DD is much younger and I think she would want to try and see you and you may not want that. It all depends how you labour - I'm a shouter and I know that when I have the baby I am now pregnant with I won't have my DD there (she'll be 2.5) as it will upset her to hear me. The other thing to consider is that should you have to be transferred in an emergency do you want her to see you being carted off with blue lights flashing?

If her Aunt's house is only 5mins away then I would send her there and get her home when baby has arrived. That way, she can see her new brother/sister asap without all the gory bits!

Good luck, and well done for pushing and getting your HB - they're fantastic

Hi, my 2 went to a friends house. The labour was 10 hours and the kids being out enabled me to concentrate on my breathing and get into giving birth without distractions - although my grocery shop and next delivery half way through didn't help!

Dd2 was born about 1.30pm, dh picked the kids up about 4.30 (after the clean up!) and we had pizza in our bed with dd2 in the crib next to us. Lovely!

Think the pain thing is the biggest issue with LO's around, rather than seeing the birth itself. After all, if dp's find it hard to handle seeing their loved one in pain, how is a 3 year old meant to cope?

Just go with your gut instinct not with what your mum thinks - you know your dc!

Think I'll trust my instincts and send her to her Aunties, she can be back home in 5 mins when her brother has arrived!

Just to add another perspective...

Having slept through no.2's birth, my 3.1 year old was at my 3rd child's birth not too long ago. She's bright and interested and had been primed beforehand. Lots of calm talking about what might be happening soon etc. helped prepare her. She actually woke up 40 mins from the end. I was labouring in a bedroom with 2 mws and dh. Dh was there to hold her and meet any need she may have (toilet, drink etc). I had told her that having a baby was hard work and that I needed to think about it very hard and might make some strange noises. She had played in the birthing pool and we explained that although babies grow in mummies' tummies, they actually come out of mummies' bottoms!

When she entered the room, I didn't feel compromised at all. The mws were fantastic and dressed her up in a plastic apron and showed her all their kit. When the baby was born, dd1 was fascinated and it was a beautiful moment. I feel that it helped dd1 feel involved, brought home the reality of the impending sibling... I can't think of any negative points, in fact. She will still mention aspects of the birth and it's something we all look back on with amazement and joy. I wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing again.

(Of course, all the above worked because I had a straightforward labour! Mws and dh had strict instructions to be hands off. Luckily, back-up plans were not required)

I personally would take her to her aunties.. and have her come round straight after delivery.. BUT that is because I am very loud in labour and the language that has been known to come out of my mouth is not suitable for that age group.
But it is really whatever you feel comfortable with..
I think my 5year old DS would love to watch the baby being born.. where as my 13year old DD couldnt think of anything worse and my 2yr old wouldnt care.. But I wouldnt want any of them seeing me in pain swearing and shouting this hurts..