As BabyG's 1st birthday approaches, I'm really starting to go over and over and OVER his horrid birth again

[MamaG]

I had an appt for a debrief a couple of months ago and then I cancelled it (wimped out basically).

ARGH I don't know whether to go for it. We're leaving the area before Christmas so I should do it now.

OR I should just get the fuck over it!!

It's starting to keep me awake at night. Haven't discussed with DH as he found it very difficult too and has moved on - I can't bang on about it to him as it brings up all his bad memories which isn't fair.

Thanks a lot. I bet poledra and lulumama saw it was me in OP and screeched "not you agian! just bloody go!"

I'll try to ring hosp now

ringing hosp now

it helps SO much to talk about it on here btw I relaly apprecaite your time

No, no screeching, just gentle persuasion.

The lady I need to arrange this with is on holiday this week. Of course she is! Bugger. I have to ring back next week. I hope I do, if you see me next week, please nag me! I really shouldn't put this off any longer.

where would i find your birth story mamag?

MamaG- I know exactly how you feel, ahving been through a traumatic birth experience myself. DS is now 2 and I can tell you it doesn't go away by itself- the first birthday will stir it all up and you'll feel better afterwards but there'll be another something that will bring it all up again at another time unless you give yourself a chance to work through it.

I went for a debrief and then had a few counselling sessions- I was very cynical about it, thinking there was little point as nobody could change exactly what happened anyway: but it really helped me to untangle my feelings, become clearer about what happened and begin to move on. I really hope you find the time and space to go, and I am sure it WILL help.

Also, I'd say discuss with your DH. He would want to know and it will bring you closer together.

gemmummy, here - it's a bit wrong though in places - the monitor didn't go on DS's head until after I'd insisted to the mW that something was wrong.

thanmks sing, I'll definitely do it this time. As pol said, my DH is in the "you're fine, baby's fine, I Do Not Want To Discuss This Anymore" camp so I won't bring it up again with him! I was angry at him at first, but realised (after being told on here ) that that is how he's dealing with it IYKWIM

Well mate is more than happy to come with me. She is going to nag me if I don't make the appt

Good - what with RL nagging and MN nagging, you have no chance......

wow mamag cant believe its a year!!! Although i should as i had ds2 a few weeks after you and i was avidly watching your threads.

You went through so much that day and it isnt a wonder all those feelings are coming back. No one can tell you to 'move on' if your not ready to. I think it will really help you to do the de brief. I really hope you go and that you can enjoy your LO birthday. Make sure you have a special day to have new memories x

MamaG, I just read your birth story and it sounds horrendous. I had a debrief of sorts but a couple of months ago now that I'm pregnant with dc2 so 18 months after my son's birth. I did find it useful and it made me realise that the birth (very long labour, followed by emcs including ambulance transfer from MWLU) was not my fault at all. My son's birthday did bring all the memories flooding back and that's totally normal. You will not just get over it but hearing from the hospital some more detail about what happened and importantly why those things happened may help. I'm now freaking out about the next birth and think that it's going to have to be an elective c-s - I'm more terrified about childbirth now than I was first time round!

Please go for an appointment, you need answers to help you move on.

Good luck x

thanks for teh support

Have you called back about the debrief?

haha no I haven't - I've been ill though

I've been on holiday for a week, PrincessMel managed to have her baby while I was away, can't you make that phonecall, MamaG?

ok ok I'll try to ring in a bit

Have you rung

Just read your birth story MamaG, sounds pretty scary, no wonder you feel stressed by it all.

I had an awful delivery with DS1, very bad PND and ended up having counselling to get over what happened. I'd recommend it if you are still feeling it now!

Your DS2 has the same first and second names as my DS3, who is 1 on 24th of this month

We obv have exquisite taste

Haven't rung yet - am sorting all house move crap out and I'm struggling to find time. I know, excuses excuses! Felling a smidge wobbly now as "this time last year" syndrome kicks in with a vengance (I was in labour!)

Good luck MamaG, now is the perfect time to go through it, understand what happened and why and be able to deal with it all, before you move. Do ring. Be brave.

Do ring, MamaG.

It's completely understandable that you're stalling on making that call, & nervous about the prospect of talking about such a traumatic experience again, as you want to be able to just not think about it. That's part of the nature of trauma.

But you are thinking about it anyway, and you seem kind of stuck in the trauma of it. If you do go through with the debrief hopefully you'll be able to make some sense of it & file it all away in a fashion that will make it less raw and painful. It's really, really hard to do this on your own, but talking to someone else who knows what things to say and questions to ask can make an amazing difference.

You definitely shouldn't be so hard on yourself & think that you should just "get the fuck over it", but you can get past the trauma of it with the right help.

Go on, make the call. It could be the best thing you can do.