Struggling with recovery from 3rd degree tear and graze (mostly the graze) I need hope!

[Snailly79]

Hi
This is the first time I have posted so forgive me if I get it wrong but I could really use some words of encouragement after my first birth went nothing like it was supposed to and I am trying to cope with the after effects.
After taking hypnobirthing classes for weeks in the lead up, I was convinced that my birth would be something straight out of the textbook full of soft music and gentle breathing and I would be strolling with my pram feeling proud and happy in a matter of a few days if not hours!!
Having read some posts on here I realise now that naive is not really enough to cover it and that this is not always the case.
Could some of you share with me your recovery stories and hopefully I can begin believing that maybe some day I can sit on a hard chair/have sex/contemplate another baby (god forbid!) or even just go for more than 5 mins without feeling sorry for myself and my poor traumatised under carriage!
To cut a long story short my baby was back to back, I went from 1-2 cms to pushing in 2 hours and I had no pain relief so when it came to pushing I completely forgot the midwife was even there and decided to attempt to push out my DS, uterus, lungs, liver, kidneys, the lot!
15 min pushing stage meant I ended up with a third degree tear and a labial graze and have since developed the worst case of piles in the history of mankind.
Of all of these the graze seems to be causing me the worst problems it has been infected once already and is now still hugely uncomfortable/painful 6 weeks down the road. It kinda feels like it's too tight and pulling and chafing all the time. I also have various other lumps, bumps, pains and worries too inumerable to mention.
Sorry for the huge post but I would really appreciate some of your stories as everywhere I look on the net I seem to come up against ladies with not even so much as a stitch after birthing a 30lb baby who were resurfacing their driveways 2 days after leaving hospital!
I have suffered depression prior to my pregnancy and am trying to stay positive as I don't want to end up with pnd but my birth experience has really taken the wind out of my sails (and given me a bit of an unhealthy obsession with studying my lady parts in a magnifying mirror!
Any and all replies would be gratefully recieved.

So very for you, from another 3rd degree mum!

Oh, it's awful trying to recover from a 3rd degree tear, it did take me a long time - by the way if you're having baths instead of showers STOP NOW - this will interfere with healing, although it may be too late for you as it's 6 weeks down the line.

All I can say at this stage, having a slightly different story to you, is that you will, will, will get better. You will have sex again. You will feel normal eventually, though it may be a few more months until that happens.

Just be kind to yourself, you have a massive amount to cope with but before you know it you'll go 'hang on, I'm sure it used to hurt down there...!'.

Also re PND - don't let yourself feel ashamed about this, just talk to your HV/ GP and explain what's going on - you're dealing with more than many new mums have to cope with so if you seek help now you're helping yourself and your baby.

Oh, and give up on the mirror - unless you're a doc you won't really know what should be 'normal' (unless you'd examined yourself extensively pre-baby). It won't help you at all, IME.

Huge hugs!

Sorry, just realised it's the graze that's your worst prob - hope there's someone else that can help.

I feel a bit of a fraud posting on this thread - a 3rd degree tear sounds v painful - but I have had labial grazes and since you asked about those . . .
mine were absolute agony and it took 6 weeks before I could pee without crying - and I am no wuss! in the end, and I'm sure this is not recommended, I put teatree oil directly onto them and that did the trick. it also made my breath smell of teatree which is very weird.

ouch. I had 2nd degree, and a bout half a dozen grazes, it was bloody rough.

stitches everywhere, labia, clitoris.

it took a long time for these to heal. I too had a birth that shocked the life out of me. I was pushing for 2 hours, and she popped out and ruptured everything it seemed.

You will get better, it takes time. I had to have tow of my grazes seen to tho. I can't remember what the procedure was called. The skin was still raw, but scar tissue had started to grow too. So they removed that, and I had a nopen wound again that healed much better.

have to say tho, i still get a little soreness there 7 yrs on.

Maybe get back to your gp so he/she can see how you are doing?

good luck.

i had stitches with the first 2,and with the 3rd i had stitches and grazed with my 3rd (very quick birth),
the grazes were worse than anything,
it took a week to be able to pee properly,until then i used a jug full of lukewarm water poured over the grazes while i peed!really helped!

I didn't have any tears but plenty of grazes with DS2 (also fast back to back labour without pain relief) and I SO feel your pain.

However, about 7-8 weeks on I finally stop hurting and soon after had sex which was fine & now 4mths on there's no pain or soreness & if I ignore the extra lumps, bumps & droop that 2 children has given me, all is back to normal.

My advice is shower regularly, bathe with diluted tea tree daily, plenty of pelvic floors exercises (gets the blood pumping & helps healing plus of course tones the muscle if you can find them ) and most importantly, PUT THE MIRROR DOWN - it looks like a car crash & always

LCN

Snailie- I too got a third degree tear and had terrible trouble sitting afterwards which was especially hard when I was trying to breastfeed. At some points I was walking around the room crying with the pain while ds was feeding.

The thought of the birth made me feel sick and it just seemed like a daze when I looked back. I had gas and air but they took it away whenI was pushing as I was getting the rhythm all wrong and breathing on it when I should be pushing. I found the pushing stage so different to the contractions and so much more painful.

I didnt think I would ever want to have sex again, let alone have the other children I had always wanted for my family. Everyone seemed to have their baby with minimal effort and be at home the next day if not the same day while I had to stay in hospital for days. I felt like I had failed at it all and I felt like they pitied me when I told them.

But it did get better gradually after afew months. I now have two more dcs (2 girls) by cs. And it all seem like a long time ago. Ds is 4 now and tbh this is the first time I have thought about it all for a long time. I still have some problems with fissures but really it has sorted itself out pretty well. It really will get better. xxx

Ment to say that ds was back to back but turned round during labour and that he came out quick too. Think that is why it all felt like such a shock.

Thanks for all the posts so far, I didn't expect to get replies so quickly
Monstrousmerryhenry thanks for your advice, I am still doing 2 tea tree baths a day and thought it might be time to stop as (sorry if TMI) but they seem to dry me up even more (I'm BFing which I believe dries you up in that area!) and this could be making the pulling/tight feeling worse.
Morocco funny you should say that because I tried neat tea tree tonight and it stung like b%ggery so I panicked and rinsed it, did yours hurt like this with the tea tree?
I have GP appointment on 20th Oct so will just have to hope she can offer some options or treatment to help.
Thanks again for all the replies, just knowing others have come out the other side is encouraging

Hi Snailly!
You will get there. It's so bad when it doesn't turn out like you think isn't it? And then you have people expecting you to be glowing when you actually want to cry! I came to mumsnet for similar reasons, but am pleased to report I'm just finding the time to come back here after a few months absence, being so busy with the second baby I never thought I would dare/be physically able to have :-)

sometimes it just takes time and sometimes you need to make sure it's all ok and in my case fight for a review and further treatment, so thought I'd share a link to an old thread I was on which has a few experiences and tips which may or may not help! Good luck.

Www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/615343-who-took-ages-to-recover-from-childbirth-help-and-advice

Our branch of the NCT has a lady who hires out valley cushions to help mums while they are recovering from these sort of problems.

Might be worth calling to see if your local branch has a similar service.

Witch Hazel is very soothing - I got mine from Boots and would slosh some on my clean maternity pad. Helped me feel more cool and comfortable. It's says not for broken skin - but it didn't aggravate my stitches at all.

Forgot to say you can get an antiseptic anaesthetic gel called instillagel from the docs which will sting initially but then gives some relief. I had an awful infection and also found being run down certainly doesn't help so get as much sleep as you can!

Ref. Tea tree, I put a drop in a jug along with Two of lavender and filled with tepid water to rinse every time I went for a wee, just pour whilst sitting on the loo. A bath containing comfrey tea is a good healer and it's cheap. Knackered and waffling now, must sleep..!

Thanks for the replies, it makes such a difference to know that there are people who understand, DH has been wonderful but I think he is beginning to wonder if I will ever be back to my old self again!
Lotster, thanks for your post and congratulations on DC2, that is one of the biggest issues for me, I have always wanted 2 kids and my first birth has really damaged that idea as the thought of going through this again right now is horrifying.
Thanks again everyone, this has really made me feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I just hope it isn't a train!!

at least you're still laughing

yeah, the tea tree did sting, I can only say it worked for me, I'm not sure it's the best or only way to sort it out.

it took the full six weeks to feel sorted - definitely mention it to your gp if you're not happy about the healing

Snailly79 - respect, with my ds1 who was op, I never really progressed and had a c/s. Well done for keeping on keeping on!

However, that made me resolve to have a 'real birth' and with ds2 I got my third degree tear. Again, respect, because the grazes sound far more painful than the tear I had.

Do make sure you keep on going back to the drs about anything you are unhappy with in terms of recovery. Tears affect everyone differently - for me, it meant a long period of (sorry, tmi ) 'urge incontinence' - when I needed a poo I REALLY needed a poo, get out of my way. I had tests (don't ask!) that established that the tear had damaged the muscle around my anal sphincter.

Honestly, it's better to know than not to know, but as you don't mention any such problems, I'm assuming that you don't have any. Which means that ime, you can go on to have a vaginal birth for no 2. Do loads of research - optimal foetal postioning, yoga/hypnobirthing for relaxation, perineal massage etc etc.

When I was feeling a bit glum about having missed out on my perfect birth with ds1, another MNer reminded me that I got pg to have a baby, not to have a birth. Enjoy your baby. Work out how to do it better/different next time around, but remember that having a healthy baby is the success, and every birth is a success.

Good luck with your post-match analysis, but some things you just have to put down to experience...

Snailly, please do stop the baths; just splash a tea tree solution on there instead. I had to have an operation after 18 mos because I hadn't healed properly - just day surgery, but nonetheless the hassle of going through 18 long months of not having normal ladybits was so frustrating.

Hi there, I also suffered a third degree tear and grazing during the birth of my DD 3 weeks ago, although the pain is easing for me now. The 'pulling' sensation might be the stitches if they haven't yet come out. I was really worried by how tight everything was, it was very uncomfortable, and so I asked a midwife to take a look for me, and she said it was the knots on the stitches pulling. A few days ago these knots came out and it's made a huge difference. I know stitches can take longer to dissolve depending on what type you had etc, so it could be that?

And have you got a 6 week check at the hospital with your consultant? They should be able to tell you more about how you are healing.

And, with regards to the fact that your birth experience wasn't what you were expecting, I also know how this feels! My first baby was born by EMCS, and I was so depressed at what I saw as my 'failure' afterwards. One of the midwives spent a lot of time with me talking through what happened, and the best advise she gave me was that it's not the cards you are dealt in life that matter, but how you chose to play them.

Hope things get better soon.

Had my 6 week check and the doctor reckons that everything looks to be healing ok, she said it is not unusual to still be sore at 6 weeks (I was even more sore by the time she was finished her examination - ouchy!!)and I have an appointment on 5th Nov at the Gynaecology unit so will hopefully be feeling better by then, if not then maybe they can offer some more help. All of your comments, advice and encouragement have been really helpful so thanks.

That's good to hear. If later on you feel you are not healing well then do get a referral to the perineal clinic if your hospital has one. good luck!

I had to pee in a BUCKET for weeks after DS2 was born. The grazes were horrendous and I had a tear that didn't need stitching .

But it did heal and normal life resumed. Things will get better .

Hi All
Have been looking on the net at other stories from people with tears and came across something really interesting. I have a constant feeling like the hairs 'down there' are caught and being pulled and wasn't sure if this was related to the injuries. Has anyone else experienced this and will it ease in time? Also getting alot of itching, anyone offer some reassurance that this is normal?
I know I may have a long time until I feel 'normal' but am never sure whether things I'm feeling warrant seeking medical advice or not, it's all so confusing

I should mention the lady who was speaking about her experience had the same hair 'caught' sensation and I wondered if this is usual.

Have you tried Manuka honey on the graze - it's soothing and has anti-bacterial properties but less astringent than tea trea. My friend's son had 2nd/3rd degree burns and was treated with Manuka honey - plastic surgeon was amazed at the results.

Hi Ladies
If any of you are still watching this thread thought I would update you on my progress and ask for some more advice if you would be so kind.

I had my follow up appointment with the gyny dept at the hospital and it was actually quite good, they went through my notes and explained exactly what had happened (I have a 3b tear apparently and also tore upwards - ouch!) and she had a look and reckons everything looks grand and by the 3 month mark I should be back to normal. The trouble is its only 2 weeks til the 3 months is up and for the last couple of days I've had alot of pain. It's weird because the pain isn't really where I was torn but more aching in my buttocks legs and where my leg meets my bits, also really tender 'hair pulling' feeling at the front.

Anyone else still have weird aches and pains at 2 1/2 months? Will I ever be pain free and jolly again? Thanks for sticking with the mammoth post and sorry for being so obsessive (and descriptive) about my ladies area. Words of hope and inspiration will be gratefully received